I didn't ask Dad about anything that morning, or for another week. I had the chance: he works out of our house, in case you were wondering. Personal computers came out when he was in school, and he got completely into them; not just using them, but inside and out. He could fix just about anything wrong with any model, old or new, so after a few years at college he set himself up as a repairman and consultant. He got a lot of business locally because he was so good with computers and charged a fair price, so we always lived pretty well. Sometimes he had to go out of town on a contract, but he always arranged for some lady or other to watch me and the house, and they never gave us any trouble.
So he spent the week working like he usually does and I spent the week thinking about sex. This was new to me; not sex, but thinking about it so hard for so long, and how it made me feel. The only way I can say it made me feel was, well, sexy, which sounds kinda stupid but it isn't when it happens to you for the first time in your life.
I knew about jilling myself off with my hand, but I didn't think I was ready to stick anything in my pussy. I started seeing a gynecologist when I had my first period, and she said my hymen was still pretty thick and only had enough holes in it to let the blood out each month. She actually warned me that my first sex would probably hurt and I should be ready for that. After a while I forgot about it—I mean, as far as I was concerned, my first sex was years and years away—but I guess it kinda stayed in the back of my mind 'cause I remembered it without really thinking about it. Maybe that's why I was worried about Not Marie's plastic prick.
So I didn't stick anything in my pussy, not even my finger, because of what the gynecologist said. That week, though, I did kinda-sorta experiment with butt-sex. I'd be taking a shower, which I would have done anyway because the weather was so hot, and I'd get one of those travelling toothbrush holders. They were tubular and pretty long; kinda like a small flashlight. And my butt-ring actually felt kinda good when I rubbed the outside of it with the shower water pouring all down my back and into my crack. So finally I thought the holder would feel better so I started to work it in. And it felt kinda good, just a little bit, so I moved it in and out, slow at first, then a bit faster, and then faster, until—it really started to hurt! The plastic was too hard, so I took it out and I half expected to see blood on it. There was no blood, but there was other stuff, which considering where it had been wasn't surprising. That turned me off for a few days, and so did wrapping up the toothbrush holder and getting it in the garbage without dad knowing about it.
That slowed down my exploration of this new part of my life, but didn't stop it. There were a couple of nights I stayed awake after midnight just to sneak to daddy's door and listen to him. He must have been careful not to moan again, as if he knew I was there, and he kept the volume on his computer down, so I couldn't hear anything through the door. After a couple of days with nothing to show for it—from him anyway; I was having a great old time frigging myself in the hall and imagining what was going on with him—I knew I had to take a more direct approach.
About a week after I walked in on dad, we were having Sunday dinner. We'd either try to cook something fancy or order out, even though we did that a lot on weeknights when dad was out on a job and didn't get home until late. We both liked trying recipes and stuff in the kitchen, and some of the results were pretty good. This night was spaghetti and meatballs, but the meatballs were ground turkey with chopped spinach in them. Turned out they were pretty good. After we were done eating, but before we started clearing the table, I asked dad: "How come you don't have any pictures of mom around?"
"To tell the truth, I didn't think to take any when we were dating, and after that there wasn't time. She passed too soon."
"But, you guys took the videos, right?"
He looked at me like I was a snake escaped from the zoo or something; like he was trying to figure me out if I was going to attack him or just stare at him. "You're still interested in that?"
"Well, duh! I've never seen a picture of her, and I'd like to."
"Even though we're ... doing what we're doing?"
"You mean sex? Yeah, I want to see that."
"Why?"
"Because there's a lot you've told me about mom, but you never talked about that. I think I'm old enough now to handle it."
Dad didn't say anything, and didn't move a muscle.
I tried some more. "It shouldn't be that big a deal. I mean, I saw you last week, and everything. And I know you saw me with nothing on when I was little."
"VERY little, Jess; not even two years old! And I think you've changed a little bit since you flashed that church."
It was a family joke. When I was about two years old dad and I were walking past a church that had a nice garden, complete with a fountain spraying water. So I just ran to it and stood in the spray. Then I must have thought I was taking a shower or something, because I took off my clothes (which wasn't much anyway) and kept on splashing in the fountain. But just then a wedding party comes out of the church to take pictures, and I started running in and out and around the bride and groom and everybody else. A bare-butt-naked two year old girl messing up their wedding pictures, playing keepaway from my dad, and having the time of my life.
He'd tease me about that about once a year. It was kinda nice that he still remembered all that.
Anyway, we were both sitting quiet, not getting up to clear the table or anything. Finally, dad said, "You've thought about this a lot?" I nodded. "So you've also figured out what you want to do about it."
"Can we go to Point Cardinal?"
Point Cardinal was a small strip of beach on the ocean about a ninety-minute drive from where we lived. I'd never been before, because it was "clothing optional". But by all the stories I heard about it, it wasn't optional anything; it was a nude beach.
"And this is going to help you how?"
I had actually thought up an answer to that question and had even rehearsed it, but now I was nervous and tripped over my words a bit. "Well, I guess you're worried about me looking at you, and also about you looking at me..."