Have you ever seen the Scrubs episode where they have the toilet on the roof? They called it the Epiphany Episode. It was Saturday night and I was having my own epiphany; only it wasn't sitting on the toilet. It was more bent over it and retching my guts out into the cool porcelain bowl.
It had to be well after 1am, hell I couldn't have told you what time it was. I had been at my buddy Mike's house throwing down a bender; pretty much what I did almost every Saturday night.
For all the goody-two-shoes out there; we might as well get the facts straight. My name is Austin Preacher; yeah that's right. All my friends just call me Preacher. I'm turning nineteen tomorrow, so tonight was my birthday bash; not that I needed a reason to get polluted.
No, I'm not old enough to drink; but do I, fuck yeah. Am I old enough to roll a joint; hell no, but tell that to the dime bag sitting on my desk in my room.
Since I had graduated high school, I had basically spent a year wasting my life away. I played video games all day; got wasted every weekend, and if it was female and breathed, hold it down, I'll fuck it.
In other words, I am a parents' worst nightmare. Except, I only have one parent. The fact my father had drank himself into alcohol toxicity when I twelve; didn't seem to stick in my brain.
What's that old country song by Randy Travis; My Momma Tried. She did, she tried very hard to steer me back; honestly I never heard a word she said.
No, I'm not going to tell you her name; I never call her by it, why should I say it now. She's always been just mom. No, I never looked at her sexually, in fact if anything she didn't fit the girl I considered my type.
She was trying that night, as I half stumbled down the hall back to my room. In my alcohol fogged brain I heard a sound I couldn't place and I looked around the dark hall.
Leaning against the wall outside mom's room, I heard it again. This time I knew what it was; sot sobbing. It was coming from mom's room and it made me stop in my tracks.
"Please God" I heard her soft voice. "Don't take him from me; he's all I have left." I heard that soft voice.
I sank to the floor against the wall, listening to a conversation I should never heard; but needed to hear. My mother, softly pleading not to lose someone she needed...me.
Not a single request was for her; not one. She begged and pleaded to keep me alive. She didn't even ask about the alcohol or the drugs, or the sex. She spoke of her loneliness and her missing my father; and the world as it was before the booze.
I know it sounds melodramatic, but until you've been there; do me a favor and don't judge. As I all but clawed my way back to my feet, and stumbled to my room, I could feel the hot tears on my cheeks. For the first time in my nineteen years, I realized not what I was doing to myself, but what I was doing to her.
When I woke close to noon the next day my head felt like it would erupt off my shoulders from my hangover. My gut hurt from the retching, and it felt like I hadn't slept at all.
As I slipped out my bed, still dressed from last night, for once I could see and God could I smell. I stank of sweat and vomit, while my room reeked. There was dirty cloths strewn about, half eaten food on the floor next to my gaming rocker; it was one of the most disgusting sights I had ever seen; and it was me.
I promptly stripped all my clothes off standing there, I couldn't stand to wear them a second longer. Without even thinking, I headed down the hall to the shower. It was Saturday, but I knew mom had picked up a shift for the day extra.
Jesus, how many weekends had she worked extra to pay our bills, I wondered. You're a fucking ass, I thought to myself as I slipped into the shower. After my shower I headed back to my room and damn if I could find a clean pair of pants or shirts. In my boxers I slowly gathered the remnants of my sordid life from the floor; and headed back down the hall.
OK, so I'm not your most domestic creature. It took me more than a few minutes just to figure out how the damned washer worked, it was so bad, I got three steps from the machine before I realized I hadn't even put detergent in the fucking thing.
As clothes were expunged, I began to pick up my room. God, it took almost a whole kitchen garbage bag to get the refuse out. Is this what mom did? Did she endure this over and over while I sat oblivious in front of my video console?
Once I could actually find the floor in my room, I went hunting. I never knew she kept the vacuum in the closet with the linen. Hell, I never even knew it was an upright. I did figure out how to make it turn on, and I spent the next hour and a half cleaning the pig pen I called a room.
By two thirty, I had on a clean shirt and jeans; and I actually could consider my room fit for human habitation again. I headed downstairs in the quiet house; heading for the kitchen because my now empty gut was driving me. I pulled a Tupperware of leftovers out of the fridge and popped them in the microwave.
As I stood there, I glanced around at the dishes sitting in the sink and the table cluttered with mom's coffee cup and ashtray.
It just seemed the most natural progression to continue what I had started in my room, and actually this time I was surprised when I stood in the clean kitchen only a half hour later.
I glanced up at the clock, it was pushing three and mom's shift would be ending soon. There had to be something else? I wandered around the house just looking; and this time I mean looking. The living room was cleaned and organized, God how long since I had sat in here?
The small dining room was cluttered with mom's paperwork. I stood for a moment glancing at the opened envelopes. An electric bill, a water bill, a cellphone bill; Jesus how much did we pay? I tried to calculate the numbers, but my head still hurt so I gave it up.
It's more than she's making that's for damn sure, I thought. I needed to fix THAT, I thought softly. I figured I could clean my car, God it had to be a worse pit than my room. I headed out the front door and across the driveway. I made it about ten feet before I saw the lawn.
Holy shit, I stared. It was a damned jungle with weeds sprouting everywhere and tall grass next to the house. I looked on both sides of the yard at the manicured lawns of the neighbors. Mom had to be embarrassed to even face them, I thought.
I headed into the garage and found the lawn mower tucked in the corner. I rummaged around until I found some old gas, and got the beast running. I have to admit, at first I thought the noise was going to make my brain melt; but after a bit the vibration and hum had an almost soothing effect.
I could feel myself starting to sweat after only a few turns around the yard. Getting out of shape asshole, I chaffed at myself. Stripping of my shirt, I gritted my teeth and kept pushing the beast.
I had finished the back and was mowing along the side of the garage; and never noticed the time. Because of the mower, I never heard mom's car pull into the driveway. I came around the corner of the garage just as mom was walking to the house. She stopped dead and stared at me.
"Austin" her voice was barely a squeak.
I reached down and killed the mower. I could see her eyes were like huge saucers as I walked over. It was like she was looking at a stranger.
"Hey mom" I said, almost sheepish.
"What..." she glanced at the mowed parts of the yard; "Austin..." she asked again.
"It's time I carried my weight" I said softly.
I couldn't help myself, that teenage bravado. I puffed out my bare chest. I was a respectable five ten and about one seventy-five. I had played sports in high school and always taken pride in my body.
"Besides, doesn't hurt to get back into shape for the girls." I flexed my muscles and tried a smile.
Mom just stood there and stared; her eyes gliding down my sweaty chest, then back to my face. This time there was more than just the surprise and shock, there was something else smoldering there I had never seen before.
"Why don't you head in and take a shower" I said softly. "And don't worry about dinner, it's covered."
"You are Austin...right?" Mom asked softly.
"Yeah mom, it's me." I looked into her confused eyes. "You know; Austin the slouch, Austin the bum, Austin the asshole." I said.
