She pulled over into a parking lot a few blocks away from his apartment. Her hands were shaking, and she could feel the tears building up. They had talked briefly a couple days ago for the first time in three months. She thought about turning around and heading home but she knew she couldn't do that to him. She wasn't really sure what to expect, would he be happy to see her or pissed because she had totally pushed him out of her life. She wanted to at least talk to him and tell him everything that had been going on. She just hoped he would be receptive to listening to her at the least. Jill pulled back out onto the road and in what seemed like no time was at his place. She got out of the car took a deep breath. "Here we go." She said to herself.
She walked briskly until she hit the stairs then slowed her pace as she climbed. The butterflies were starting to hit her big time and she again thought about turning around. He had sounded a little pissed at her on the phone and the last thing she wanted was to get into a big argument with him. Hesitating one last time Jill raised her hand and knocked lightly on the door. She went to knock again and was startled as the door open before she could.
"Hey, you are alive." Joel extended his arms out and Jill laughed then burst into tears as he wrapped his arms around her.
"I'm sorry." Was all she could get out as they hugged each other.
Joel released her and wiped the tears from her eyes with his thumb. "What's with all the tears?"
"Oh let's see, that list is to long right now. Can I come inside?"
Joel led her into his apartment and handed her some tissues as she sat down at the kitchen table. She wiped the tears from her eyes and felt herself begin to calm down. She was relieved, one that he didn't seem mad but also that she felt at ease being back in his apartment. Jill nodded to Joel as he held up a coffee cup and she took another deep breath. "So how have you been?" she asked as he handed her the cup of coffee.
"I'm good, been busy with school lately, but it's going well."
"You've always done well in school." Jill smiled as she sipped on her coffee. "Your mom said you might get an internship soon."
"Yes, but it is a little tougher now. I kind of blew through my undergraduate work but have to put in a little more effort now. I have a few options I'm considering right now and actually have another interview for something in a couple days. Need to start figuring out what I want to do."
"It must be nice to have some choices, especially these days. Your mom said you had a number of people already offering you positions."
"Yes a couple I'm excited about but I still need to finish my degree. Derek's dad has talked with me a few times recently about doing something with his firm." Joel looked across at Jill who seemed nervous.
"Derek?"
"My roommate."
"Ah, Yes, I'm sorry little scattered brained today I guess."
They talked for about half an hour, mostly about nothing either of them were really concerned about, but both seemed reluctant to broach the subject of their weekend together. Jill was starting to think maybe she had made a mistake, as they both again seemed uncomfortable.
"So what's new with you? Joel said as he sipped on his coffee.
Jill decided to at least try to get the ball rolling. "Well I'm assuming your mother has told you at least some. I kind of stayed away from her also at first but finally got the guts to face her. She was very upset with me when I told that your Uncle and I were talking about getting a divorce. I'm not sure what will happen between him and I to be honest. At least we are talking more now; I guess he was a little surprised at first also."
"How did he take it?"
"Actually better than I thought he would. I guess we were both kind of kidding ourselves that we had a strong marriage. More like we just tolerated each other over the past five or so years." I realized when I got back that we didn't have much in common anymore and even though we were married we pretty much lived our own lives. I just decided I didn't want to spend the rest of my life like that." She looked up at Joel and could tell this was bothering him.
"Was this all because of me?" he asked as he stood up and leaned against the counter.
"No sweetie, please don't think that. I told you it's been going downhill for awhile now. This would have happened eventually even if I had never come to see you. Your Uncle doesn't make me happy anymore, in any aspect of my life. He's a good father and provider but our kids are grown and I can support myself now, I just want more out of life."
"I guess I'm still confused." Joel said as he looked up. "You left here with just a note asking me not to contact you, so I'm thinking you're completely freaked out. I'm not supposed to contact you and when I try you don't reply. Then I hear from mom that you are thinking about getting a divorce and still I don't hear from you." Joel's voice was getting louder as he started to pace back and forth. "I had all kinds of shit going through my head!" Joel paused and looked back towards her now. "I'm sorry I'm not mad at you, I was just really worried I had completely fucked up your head with what happened that weekend."
"No Joel, you didn't at all. I was a willing participant in case you forgot." She smiled as Joel sat back down across from her."Look it's true, I did freak out at first, but not completely. I did feel guilty on numerous levels and I'm guessing I don't have to spell that one out for you do I?" Joel cracked a smile and just shook his head from side to side. "But I'm ok with all that now. I really enjoyed our weekend and not just the sex but the time we spent at the art show, you showing me the sites, and mostly feeling like someone had an interest in me again. I loved talking with you and the excitement you have towards life in general. I'm not sure if I will get divorced, I have been married a long time and I am having a hard time thinking of myself out on my own again in some ways. The one thing that is freaking me out right now is the thought of you being out of my life completely."
"Ok, but your still in the doghouse with me for blowing me off for three months." Joel reached over and squeezed her hand as they both smiled at each other. "I was just worried about you, I didn't like the thought of you getting hurt in anyway by what happened, that's all."
"Thanks sweetie and you didn't hurt me, really." Jill felt better now, she still was unsure of what was next with them but it was good to talk with Joel and get things out in the open, well most things anyways. "I was actually worried about you, I thought our weekend might have really screwed your head up." Jill got up and poured herself another cup of coffee. She walked back and sat down to see Joel with a shitty grin on his face. "What?"
"Nothing, trust me it didn't mess with my head, I very much wanted it to happen."
"Really"
"Yes really, I have wanted you for a long time. I'm not the innocent guy a lot of people think I am I guess." Joel smiled as he looked over towards Jill.
"Yes I spent a weekend in bed with you remember." Jill laughed.
"Cute." Joel was laughing also. "I couldn't wait to get you alone and get my hands on you."
"Ahh so you had that planned the whole time, I wondered. Get your Aunt drunk then have your way with her?"
"No not exactly." Joel grinned
"Not exactly?" Jill asked curious now to know what he actually had in mind. She smiled devilishly at Joel, she could tell her question had made him squirm a bit.
"I'd be lying if I said I hadn't fantasized about it before, but I never thought we would get anywhere near what happened that weekend. I guess I just wanted to get my hands on you, make you feel good. But honestly I didn't try to get you drunk to sleep with you. But I could tell when I was getting to you and I just ran with it, guess the wine had got to me also." Joel got up as he finished and poured himself another cup.
