Author's note: This is a work of fiction. All characters involved in sexual activities are eighteen years or older. This is a direct continuation of the previous chapter and it picks up exactly where that one left off, so this won't make much sense unless you read chapter one first. As always, don't expect realism, and you won't be disappointed when you don't find it! Enjoy!
*****
"Ted, I have to tell you something..."
I saw Didi's face suddenly darken, her mood shifting dramatically. She pressed herself harder into my side but she averted her eyes, turning her face away from mine. I already knew what she was going to say. I just knew it. I swallowed the lump in my throat, steadying myself for what was coming.
"Maybe you felt it... With your fingers, or... I dunno, but... Well, anyways... I... I'm not... I'm not a virgin, Ted," she murmured in a choked whisper. "I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry, Teddy Bear."
I had somehow expected something like this. Deep down I had know it for months now, since that weird videochat when she had looked so uncharacteristically sad. Still, vaguely foreseeing it didn't make it any easier to accept. A pang of jealousy hit me, stabbing me like a knife in the heart. And yet, what cut even deeper was the pain in Didi's increasingly broken, disconsolate voice.
I held her to my chest and let her talk, listening in silence as she explained that she had sex with a guy from school in the backseat of his car a couple of weeks after her eighteenth birthday, months ago. She told me about the peer pressure from the girls at school, how she was constantly teased and made fun of for never having had a boyfriend, how hard it had been for her this last year without me there and how confused and scared she had been about her feelings for me, and, most of all, how lost and lonely she had felt all the time, how deeply she had missed me and how she could barely manage without me.
By the time she told me about her first time, Didi was sobbing. "I didn't even like it, Ted, you have to believe me... It was so bad... I made him wear a condom even though I'm on the pill... I didn't really want him inside of me I guess, but... It hurt too, I wasn't really ready, not like I am now, all wet and relaxed... I was very tense and it felt uncomfortable... At least it was over soon, though."
Didi told me that she had 'dumped' him the very next day, not that they were ever really together. She confirmed that yes, that was why she had looked like she had been crying that night video-chatting with me. She sniffled and sobbed as she mumbled that she didn't really like the guy that much and she never loved him even for a second. He was just a guy, nobody special. She said she was horribly ashamed now, and she explained that, stupid as it may sound, she had only wanted her confusion and turmoil about me to be over, one way or another. She said that she had felt like she was going crazy back then, clueless and scared and alone.
I hugged her and soothed her, trying to take her pain away. Seeing Didi suffer like that hit me harder than my own pain. I knew exactly what she meant when she said that she wasn't even sure why she did it. When she swore to me that she regretted it every day, I felt like it was me talking through her. I could have said those very same words myself, I thought them often enough. I knew those feelings, I didn't blame her at all. I just held my sister to me, stroking her hair, caressing her anguish away.
"I felt so stupid, Teddy Bear... I let him take my cherry and for what? People stopped teasing me about being a virgin but he told everybody I was a bitch and a cock-tease, that I used him and then dumped him and stuff, so they still talked crap about me. I'm so sorry, Teddy Bear, I did a stupid thing, and I'm so very sorry. I thought about you so much, and in ways that scared me because you're my brother and I figured... But then, after I... I'm so ashamed, Teddy Bear, I was such an idiot and... I shouldn't have... It wasn't supposed to be that way... I... It should... It should have been you, Ted," she whispered, crying.
I could barely breath. I embraced Didi tightly to me, feeling the wetness of her tears on my chest, my own eyes burning. Yes, it should have been me.
I kept listening to her, caressing her, keeping her talking until she had let go of all that bothered her. I believed her with all my heart when she said how sorry she was. When she asked me, an edge of fear in her trembling voice, I said that yes, of course I forgave her completely, and no, I was not mad at her, really. I couldn't be, because I knew all too well what she had been through.
I understood perfectly what she meant when she said that, the moment she was having sex with someone else, she realized instantly and without a doubt that she didn't want anybody but me, that me and her, brother and sister, were meant to be together despite all that society taught us. I felt the same way, and I told her so. Because it was true. We really were meant to be together. One way or the other, now we both knew it for sure.
I squeezed my silly girl to me so hard that she squealed. My heart was beating so fast and my breaths were so labored and short that I thought I was about to die. Before I knew it, I was crying my eyes out. My vision was blurred and my chest was heaving from my racking sobs. Suddenly I felt like I was falling apart from the guilt of leaving my Didi alone and causing all this pain to her with my absence, not to mention the fact that I had had a fling with another girl. I had never cried in front of Didi before. I never felt sad when I was with her to begin with, but beside that, as a rule, I always tried to be strong for her no matter what. Just trying to be big brotherly, I guess. But this... This was too much, I felt too awful.
Through my tear-filled eyes I saw my sister's face turning to me, and I held her even harder. Croaking, barely breathing, drowning in shame, I told Didi about Ally. I admitted that I too had lost my virginity with someone else while I knew in my heart of hearts that it wasn't right, that it should have been with my sweet, adored silly girl. I told her how terribly I regretted the whole Ally business, and I did, truly.
I was desperate as never before while I told Didi that, much like her first time with the guy from school, my idiotic affair had made my feelings for her burn bright, exposing them for what they were: deep, strong, undeniable. I tried to explain how that painful mistake had removed any residual doubt about my love for her, but I didn't expect her to believe me, nor have mercy on me. I had cheated on my beloved sister. I felt horrible, guilty beyond redemption, stuck in the darkest pit imaginable.
I was begging for forgiveness and despairing to get it, when I saw the blurry image of Didi's face draw closer. I felt her soft lips on my trembling mouth, her tiny hands on my face. Her fingers wiped away my tears like I had done for her so many times before, when she was lost in her nightmares. Her soft voice filled my ears, soothing me, calling me back from my despair between tender kisses.
"Don't be sad Teddy Bear, I'm here with you, now. Don't feel bad. It's all gone, it's in the past. We were both confused and scared. And we were apart, Ted, we were alone... But now... We're together, Teddy Bear, we're here! It's alright now, everything's alright when we are together."
