After the kids were up, fed and gone and I'd finished cleaning up, I ventured outside to make sure there was no litter around the lot from the night before. I collected bottles and cans, neatening all the lawn chairs people had contributed, claiming they'd only have to bring it the next time they came over, anyway. I couldn't help but notice that there wasn't one cigarette butt on the ground. Not one. I took the full ashtrays inside, dumped and cleaned them and took them back out, putting them on the table again and sat down with a smile as I recollected the great time I had the night before.
The people at Wheeling Park were just fabulous, there was no other way to describe it. Disarmingly friendly, it was as if I'd known them all for half my life. They had a way of treating me like an equal, no worse, no better, yet it was common to receive little compliments on the RV, the food, my smile, etc.. At one point, Carrie actually ran her fingers through my hair, telling me how beautiful and soft and thick it was, wanting to know my secret and unaware of the tingles that she sent down my neck.
I thought of Kevin then and my contented smile slipped. The guilt I'd been feeling over my decision to leave with the kids and come out here was as big and heavy as the RV behind my back again. It would come and go, these feelings, usually when there was nobody else around and all the chores were finished, but it had hit me the day before, right in front of Shelly when I'd told her in conversation that I was divorced. She saw something was wrong, asked me if I wanted to talk about it, and that's how she ended up being the first person to learn about my little revelation about myself the day before.
She told me I did the right thing in leaving home for the summer, told me that even if I
was
boring, which she doubted, divorcing a woman who didn't cheat, kept a clean house while her man was gone, cooked, cleaned and brought up two children for him on that basis was, 'just plain wrong'. It helped and I was using it then to try to bring myself out of my doldrums, staring at the clean ashtrays in front of me.
"Hello, Trudy."
I was startled out of my little universe where only I and the ashtrays existed by a well built woman with shoulder length, brown hair. I guessed she was taller than my five foot six by about three inches with soft curves and a bigger bust line than mine. She wore a pair of sunglasses with rounded, mirrored lenses, a white undershirt with an unbuttoned black leather vest, a pair of snug, faded jeans and low heeled cowboy boots.
What really grabbed my attention was her presence, a very real thing that her expression and walk conveyed, almost a male assuredness that spoke of self confidence and authority despite her natural, outdoorsy beauty. I stood, shaking the hand she offered as I looked into her sharp green eyes after she removed her lenses.
"Hello. I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage." I greeted with a little smile.
"I'm sorry." she replied with an easy smile of her own. "My name is Olivia, I'm Ollie and Shelly's daughter. Just got in a couple hours ago and I thought I'd come over to introduce myself. Nice rig." she added, gesturing with her head to the RV.
"Oh, thank you, and it's a pleasure to meet you. I just love your parents, they're jewels."
"They certainly seem to like you."
"Would you like a coffee?"
"Hmmm, no thanks but if there's any leftovers from your hibachi,..."
"Say no more, Olivia, come right in and make yourself at home while I serve something up. Or, would you rather eat out here?"
"I think, inside."
She really did make herself at home, immediately going to the refrigerator and grabbing a bottle of water before lifting the tinfoil covers I'd fashioned over the plates of leftover barbecued meats and vegetables from the night before.
"Olivia, I can get that, why don't you just sit down and relax, you've only just got here, you said."
"No, it's fine. Besides, according to Mum you were up running food and drinks to everyone all last night, so you just relax."
"Are you sure?"
"Totally, sit. Would you like anything?"
"Well, now that I see you with that water, I guess I wouldn't mind a bottle myself."
She grabbed another and put it on the table where I sat at one end of the horseshoe booth.
"Enjoying the park?"
"So far, I love it here, and I haven't even seen the whole thing yet."
"You seemed a little down when I walked into the lot." she observed with her back to me while piling some food on a paper towel.
"Oh,... yes, I was just thinking of something."
"Your ex-husband. I hope you don't mind." she said, turning and sitting across from me at the table. "Mum told me. She's right, you know, that's one really shitty thing that he did to you."
"Well,... But he was right about me."
"You're here, aren't you?"
"Yes, but look what it took."
"You still love him?"
I just nodded, looking at the table.
"It's because you feel abandoned by him." she said around a mouthful of steak. "And you have every right to feel that way, because that's what he did to you. He's the man, why didn't he force you into this RV, whether you liked it, or not?"
I shrugged, but looked up in her face, never having thought of the situation like this before.
"I mean, how does a person just up and abandon a loyal spouse after spending so much time with her, raising kids with her? Just try to imagine the circumstances needed for
you
to do that to
him
."
I could only look at her now as she looked me directly in the eye, obviously expecting an answer.
"Maybe if he cheated on me."
"
Maybe
if he cheated on you. In a sense he did, you know. Again, I'm sorry, but Mum told me you told her that he left you for another woman. Even if he didn't fuck her before he left you, he knew where he was going, didn't he?"
I began crying then. I couldn't say why, I never even cried about my divorce while I was going through it, other than shedding a few tears over the stress of the whole thing, but never for the lost marriage itself. I put my head in my hands and I just let it all out while she got up and put her arms around me, making small soothing sounds while I realized that what she was saying was true. He had no right to do that to me, to
us
. A few minutes later I, was drying my face with a piece of paper towel she'd given me, still sniffling a little and apologizing for my emotional outburst.
"Don't apologize, Trudy, you needed that."
"I uhh, I never thought of things like that before. I mean, I just (sniff) stupidly thought it was,... one of those things. Why didn't I see that?"
"It's hard to see the big picture, sometimes, when you're at the center of it."
"Well, thank you, Olivia. And I want you to know that you've made a friend today. If I can ever do anything at all for you, just ask."
"Call me 'Liv.", she said with a smile, brushing my hair out of my face before going back to her seat across from me.
"Alright, Liv."
"Have you been to town yet?"
"No." I answered, wondering suddenly who this woman was, that she could just walk into my life and clarify things for me so quickly and easily. "But, I
would
like to get more beer. I bought a little as a treat for the kids every once in a while, but I didn't count on entertaining."
