All Characters In This Story Are 18+ Years Old
Friday Evening 12/21/1962
Forty-one-year-old Judith Barnes put her just-refilled Tom Collins down on its coaster on the end table by her chair with more force than she meant. Cubes rattled and a few errant drops splashed over the edge onto the nearby December issue of Better Homes and Gardens magazine. Exasperated by her ringing telephone, she exclaimed, "Darn it! That's the second time tonight someone's called in the middle of my shows!"
Petulantly, she kicked her feet down, stood from her pimento-color velvet wing-back BarcaLounger and strode across the living room to the offending instrument on the antique cherry escritoire by the pecan library wall bookcase. Picking up on the fourth ring, she heard her neighbor's voice say, "Judith? It's Bobbie..."
"It's a bit late to call, Bobbie," Judith replied with a bit of an edge. Then, suddenly remembering her eighteen-year-old son, Barney, had gone to collect his pay for shoveling Bobbie's walks, she worried, "Has something happened? Everything okay?"
"Yes, I know it's late," answered Roberta Maxon, unperturbed. "Nothing's the matter, but I wanted to apologize for keeping Barney longer than I had expected..."
Relieved by the news and anxious to get back to Martin Milner on 'Route 66', Judith interrupted, "Well, he's a big boy. He knows where he lives and how to get home. It's not even a school night, so there's nothing to apologize for."
Roberta agreed, "Yes, he is a big boy. But I thought, with the storm and all, that you might be worried. I just wanted you to know everything is okay." She pulled the receiver from her ear and looked at Barney, who, but for his socks, stood naked by the television staring at her aghast. Flashing him a broad grin and the universal 'OK' sign, she returned quickly to Mrs. Barnes, adding, "Uh-hunh, yes, after I paid him for clearing my walks, I thought, 'Well, maybe he can fix my damper. You know, up in my chimney?..."
Not picking up the double-entendre, Judith injected, "He knows how to do that pretty good. I asked him to do mine earlier, when the blizzard warning was first on the radio."
More than doubtful that Judith had ever screwed her son as she had just done, Roberta chuckled silently while pleasantly riposting, "Oh? He did that for you, too? Well, then you know, however we may try, that's sometimes a messy job..."
"It wasn't too bad with me," Judith went on. "He just poked a tool up in there, banged away a few times and that was it. A little soot came down, but no harm done."
Roberta rolled her eyes and bit her lip to keep from laughing out loud as Judith blithely advanced her private joke. Recovering, she said, "Yes, anyway, I want to do his clothes in my Maytag. You certainly don't need any of my 'soot' in your machine!"
"Oh, well that's very kind of you," Judith answered. "Barney is bigger than Mr. Maxon and probably couldn't wear his clothes except maybe a robe, but in any case, I'm sure you must have a blanket he can wrap up in while you do the laundry. Even though we are just next door, I wouldn't want him outside in only his parka and rubber boots!" She giggled at the image her ludicrous notion created.
Roberta laughed aloud, too. "No... That's hilarious, but you're right. I can't send him home in Phil's clothes."
"Thanks, Bobbie," Judith said, growing more impatient with the conversation. "I do feel much better knowing you're taking good care of Barney. But for heaven's sake, don't feed him! He's always hungry, but he can jolly well eat at home!" Almost as if an afterthought, she concluded, "I'm going to go to bed soon, so ask him not to be noisy when he's coming inside."
Even as the line was disconnecting at the other end, Roberta replied flatly, "Yes, I'll tell him, Judith. Thank you so much. Good night, dear."
Returning to her recliner, Judith found she had lost the thread of the 'Route 66' episode. She didn't feel like 'Sing Along With Mitch', so she switched her Philco's channel knob to ABC for 'I'm Dickens, He's Fenster.' As she sat back down in her chair and picked up her cocktail, Fred Flintstone, pounding on his own front door and screaming, "Wiiilllma!", morphed into an ad for Winston cigarettes.
Judith set her highball down more carefully than before and closed her eyes. Weirdly, the cartoon scene had called to her mind how Ralph, her philandering ex-husband, similarly beat on their front door, and yelled for the whole neighborhood to hear, on June 3, 1956. It was an ignominious end to her thirty-fifth birthday.
After church that warm summer day, Ralph had driven Judith and their kids to the Ford dealer in Norwalk where he surprised her with a brand new peach-and-cream two-tone Ford Fairlane. Expecting they would all take a lovely family drive together, she happily slid behind the wheel while Rebecca and Barney piled into the sedan's back seat. Ralph, however, did not get in the car. Instead, he said through the open driver's side window, "Love to, honey, but I just have to go in to the office and work up a big report for the board meeting tomorrow. Sorry!"