Editor's note: this story contains scenes of rough, reluctant, dubiously consensual, or non-consensual sex.
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I couldn't provide all the consumerist things to my son Josh during his childhood. I did the best I could while raising him, working two jobs to be able to provide a roof over our heads. I wish I could have spent more time with him or could have provided more for him.
His father decided while I was pregnant, he didn't want the responsibility of a child. My family then disowned me because I got knocked up at twenty, wasn't married, and had to drop out of college to find work to support us. Josh and I have been on our own for all his nineteen years.
Josh never complained about anything, never expected anything more than I could provide for him. His obsession growing up was watching professional wrestling. I would watch it with him all the time just to experience his happiness. There was a period during his early teens where he stopped watching it live on TV because hanging with his friends was more important. During this period, I would be home alone, doing my best not to drink myself to sleep.
Josh works a full-time job now while attending a local community college. He is starting to realize how tough being an adult can be. He has gotten back into his love of professional wrestling. It's fun watching how excited he gets when watching it. I tend to sit there and "yes" him to death. I find it entertaining, but if we are being honest, I like witnessing him hoot and hollering with excitement, which is what I enjoy.
A week ago, Josh had picked up extra hours because they were short at work, and he wanted to help. Josh had asked me, "Please don't delete my shows on the DVR. I'm going to watch them on Friday. I've been busy and have avoided watching them."
I asked, "That's how you're going to spend your Friday night?" I realize he liked this male soap-opera shit, but I liked to relax on the couch on Fridays. Just me, a bottle of wine, and the TV; also, I wanted to know what he needed all the extra money for, so I asked, "By the way...Why do you need all this extra money, and what are doing with it?"
"Mom, I've been avoiding telling you this. I've been going to a school where they train you to become a professional wrestler."
I was annoyed that he wouldn't have shared this with me. "Josh, I wish you would feel comfortable discussing these types of things with me. I don't understand any of this pro wrestling shit or your obsession with it. We are going to have to talk about all of this."
"I know mom. I got to go. I probably won't see you until, Friday though. I have a lot to do this week." Then he ran out the door.
For the next few days, I continued to get more agitated. Thinking, why would Josh want to do something so stupid. These people weren't real athletes; Josh has never even been athletic. I was planning on having a long talk with him on Friday.
Friday came, and Josh finally got home at ten o'clock. Immediately I started in on him, "It's about time you showed up! I thought we were going to talk tonight?" As I approached him, I could smell liquor on him. "Have you been drinking?", I asked.
"Yeah, Mom. A few of the other students and I had some drinks after class tonight. Sorry for getting home so late. We can talk tomorrow if you want?"
There was no way we were putting this talk off any longer. "Josh, I have been trying to understand all of this shit. I don't though, so you are going to help me understand. Show me what you are learning from these people." Josh wasn't the only one who had a few drinks tonight. I have been sitting here fuming for four hours, waiting for him to come home and talk to me.
Josh looked at me and said, "You want me to show you? I'm tired, mom. Can't we do this tomorrow?"
I don't know if it was my day-to-day life frustration, the fact that Josh was making adult decisions without my input, or the buzz from the wine, but I was angry tonight. Josh was right; we should have postponed our talk. I felt like I needed to regain control, and everything would be fine. "Yes, Josh, show me why you are so obsessed with this stupid shit. I'm fucking tired too, but you want to do whatever you want, and I've been sitting here waiting for you to come home!"
"OK! OK! MOM!" Josh yelled. "What do you want me to show you?"
I could tell Josh was frustrated, and he did look exhausted. I told him, "Put your show on, and when I see something interesting, we can try it. Is that OK with you? There's no need for us to yell at each other."
Josh seemed to calm down, "OK, yeah, you're right. We don't need to yell at each other. I am going to change into some shorts and a t-shirt. I'll be right back"
I asked, "Should I change into something else, or is this OK?" I was wearing some loose-fitting shorts that went to my upper thigh, with a tank top and no bra.
Josh looked me up and down while telling me, "If you want to wear something else, go ahead. Wresters basically wear underwear, so you are probably dressed appropriately."