"Yes, of course I knew it was coming. Thank you!" she said to her friend, exasperated. "Things came up, I haven't had time. I'm a bad person. Now that we've established that, give me some good ideas!"
She listened as her best friend responded.
"It's easy. He wants the same thing for his birthday that you want for yours. But he does not want your birthday. Do you know what I'm saying?"
"Umm... no."
On the other end of the phone, her friend sighed.
"What do you want for your birthday?"
"I don't know. Cake?"
"Okay. Cake. What else? What kind of cake?"
"I don't know. I like all kinds of cake."
"Okay. All kinds of cake. And he's going to get you cake for your birthday, right? What else do you want?"
"Dinner. And some presents."
"Good! Now you're warming up!"
"Okay! And he wants the same thing I want?"
"Yep!"
"So I should get him cake and presents?"
"Nope!"
She groaned, exasperated. "Okay Ms. Oracle. Speak English. What the hell are you trying to tell me then?"
Her friend laughed.
"Alright. I'm teasing you a little. But there's a point to it. And here it is: You want cake and dinner and some presents. Maybe some candlelight, maybe you go out, maybe he cooks in. All good, right?"
"Right."
"So do you want to write down what kind of cake to get, and make him a detailed list of presents, and tell him to make sure they are wrapped nicely, and that dinner should be at a place that takes reservations?"
"What? No. I don't want to have to tell him all that!"
"Exactly!"
There was silence.
"I still don't get it."
"Damn, girl! Okay. You want all that for your birthday, right?"
"Well, yeah, but I mean, I don't have to have it..."
"Stop! This isn't about whether you need it or have to have it. I'm asking you what you
want
."
Silence again.
Her girlfriend sighed again.
"It's like this: You want all that, right? But if you have to write it down and give it to him in a list, you might as well do it yourself, right?"
"Well, it takes a little of the fun..."
She was cut off mid-sentence.
"Exactly! Now you see what I'm getting at? You want him to think about what you want, and then do that for you. And he..."
This time it was her turn.
"He wants the same thing!"
"Now you are getting it! He wants the same thing you want. You want him to figure it out. But for him, it's going to be different. You have to think about what he wants, and then you do that! Don't ask him. Do it! And just like you aren't going to care if he gets exactly the same cake you would have gotten, he isn't going to care either. You just have to put a little thought into it."
Silence again. That was a little scary.
"Well, I know what he
usually
wants..."
"Yes, you do. So amp it up, because it's a birthday. And then deliver it!"
Her heart started to beat a little faster.
Her girlfriend sighed again.
"Look. Don't psyche yourself out about this. If it was your birthday, and he put together a whole night for you, including making reservations, but you might have chosen a different place, would you be mad?"
"No, of course not."
"Of course not. Because he did all that for you. And the exact dinner is not the thing. The thing was the effort. So you don't have to get it perfect."
"Well, I'm sure I can gi e him something he'll enjoy..." her voice trailed off.
"You know better than anyone, right? So, give him that. But it's his birthday. So, you know, amp it up. I mean, he's not taking you out for pizza on your birthday, right?"
"Right."
"Nothing wrong with pizza, but that is not your birthday."
"Right. So..."
"So I amp it up. I can do that. I'll surprise him!"
"Maybe. But is that what he wants?"
"Well, it's like you said. I wouldn't want to make him a list and have him just do it. He has to do it."
"Okay. But you know you're getting a present, right? You know you're going to dinner?"
"Yeah."
"So is it a surprise?"
"I don't where we're going. I don't know what I'm getting."
"Okay. So you get to anticipate all that, all day. Or longer. There's a difference between surprise and anticipation. To surprise him on his birthday, he has to think you forgot. That can work. But if you were thinking all day that he forgot your birthday, would you be happy? So just think about what he would want. And then do that."
"Got it. Do that!"
"You're gonna kill it. I gotta go! Call me after!"
She heard her friend blow kisses into the phone, and then heard her hang up.
"
Hmm. I know what he wants. That's the easy part! And to amp it up, that's not so hard, either. That's just a matter of how to wrap his present and deliver it in just the right way. But does he want a surprise? Or does he want anticipation? Or a little bit of both?
"
_________________________
Her alarm woke them, early as usual. He was working from home these days, and with his headquarters an hour ahead, she was usually out of the house first. He leaned over to give her a kiss, and she stirred slightly, her body subtly moving towards him the way a plant leans towards the sun. He hugged her and she sighed contentedly, wriggling back so she was spooned up against him.
"
Birthday starts now
" she thought to herself with an inward smile.