It was the summer of my Sophomore year at college and I came home to spend three months hanging out at the community pool and not studying. That lasted about forty-five minutes...
I was coming home to share an apartment with Brad. Brad and I hung out all the time in college. Nothing ever happened between us and I never expected it to but he ran out of money and had to drop out after the first year anyway. Since my parents live on the other side of the country and Brad's roommate just moved out it was kismet.
I'd come stay and veg out for the summer while Brad earned enough money to come back to college. It sucked he had to move THREE hours away from college but it was the nearest major city and it made sense for him to be somewhere he could find easy work. So I had made the long drive from college and was greeted by a great big hug by Brad as soon as I pulled up. We spent almost an hour unpacking the car, mostly wondering why I had so much stuff, and brought everything inside.
"Oh hey can you grab the mail while you shut the trunk!" Brad shouted.
"Sure!" I said facing the front door.
I began to jog backwards towards the mail box but as I turned to see where I was going I tripped over a garden gnome. My hands flailed out in front of me to stop the fall but the concrete was not forgiving. Apparently the best thing you can do when falling is to roll. This is the advice the doctor was giving me as he was putting both my hands into casts. They even cut off my favorite shirt! I knew light-weight long sleeve shirts in summer were a bad idea. I got to go home with a paper hospital gown covering my bra.
I was now to spend the whole summer with these things on! It wouldn't be so bad, I can scroll Instagram with a broken wrist but I tore something in my hands that required the casts to go all the way up to my fingers. Siri was going to get a workout this summer. After a good cry in the car we arrived back at home. Brad got the mail since...ya know...I didn't and we went inside.
The house is a Bi-level. Both bedrooms and a full bath upstairs; the kitchen, living room, and office downstairs. I decided that Binge-ing The Office was the only cure to this and headed downstairs. Did you know that most people grab the railing on the stairs to balance themselves? Who knew? My cast slid right off the railing and I bounced down the steps feet first. Back at the hospital Brad asked the doctor if he could get his frequent visitor card punched, hoping to get a free sandwich by the end of the month. Now my right foot and both hands are in a cast. Adding more insult to this injury they had to cut off one of my favorite pairs of jeans leaving me in a bra and panties under a paper gown. Wonderful.
So now I finally arrive home 10 hours after I had gotten home the first time. Brad guided me upstairs and to my bedroom. I don't know if he could tell I was tired or just trying to make sure I didn't injure myself. I didn't even try to get comfortable, just collapsed on the bed and let Brad cover me with a blanket. He said goodnight and closed the door. I was tired but the rustling of my paper gown made me bonkers. I kept tossing and turning, which isn't easy with only 3 working appendages. Eventually I caved.
"Hey Brad!"
"What's up Steph?"
"Can you take this gown? It's driving me nuts!"
I held up the blanket the best I could while he grabbed the collar and pulled it out from under the blanket. He crumbled it up and tossed it in the trash.
"Ok, Good night"
I slept well. Painkillers made sure of that. Shortly after I woke up Brad came up to see how I was doing
"You want to come down for some breakfast?"
"Sure, I ..."
As I began to stand up our eyes met and we both realized I was under the blanket in my underwear, the gown was destroyed and there were no clothes I could wear over two broken wrists and an ankle. I retreated back under the covers and we both became silent. Brad thought for a minute. "Ah!" he shouted as he dashed away.
I heard him come up from the downstairs closet with his big orange bag. It's his "Swag Bag", the bag full of crap vendors give out at all those trade shows he has worked over the years. From the bag Brad pulled out two XXXXL shirts. The smile on his face was a mile wide as he showed off his genius. Genius being the opposite of the vendors stocking XXXXL shirts let alone giving them to a man who is 180lbs max. He slipped one of the shirts over my head and I wriggled into it the best I could. The huge arm holes and long body were perfect to cover me.
We had breakfast and I enjoyed a few episodes of The Office. By 1pm we were deciding what to eat for lunch when I had a terrible realization...I had to pee. I held off as long as I could but eventually I told Brad and he helped me up the stairs, into the bathroom and got me turned around so I could sit on the toilet.
As he began to shut the door he said, "I'll be outside. Let me know when you're done so I can help you back out of the bathroom."
