Mrs. Stills and me 01
Let me tell you, last Friday night started out pretty nicely. My co-worker, Dean, had invited me over for dinner as his support system because the main purpose of the dinner was to formally introduce his new girlfriend, Mona, to his mother, Mrs. Stills. That was all fine and dandy. And it even got better when Mrs. Stills took over in the kitchen, which is why I'm able to submit this story today instead of rolling around on the floor with a case of food poisoning.
It was a lovely meal, but not so much of a comfortable dinner hour. I mean, Mrs. Stills clearly wasn't warming up to Mona very quickly, which made things a little, ah, touchy let's say. I'm sure some of you have been in uncomfortable family situations. And if haven't been in such a situation, well, more power to you.
So, why am I so concerned about the "other" family's problems you ask? Well, as I said, Dean and I work together at the factory and it was I who introduced Dean and Mona, which is probably why I was invited to the dinner to you know, take some of the heat. Or maybe a kitchen knife in the back.
At any rate, the four of us made it through dinner without food poisoning and without a kitchen knife in the back. LOL, I may not be able to make the same claim the next time.
After we all pretended to have a great time, we broke it up for the evening, well, I thought I was doing the right thing by breaking things up as soon as I could. LOL, my logic was that the two love birds needed their special time together, you know, without Dean's mom there, because Dean had picked up an extra shift at the factory the next day, Saturday and he needed to get to sleep. LOL, after he got into bed with his new honey.
And everything seemed to be going fine, until Mrs. Stills pulled the "respect your elders" card and insisted that we leave at the same time so I could escort her to her car, which actually seemed like the mature thing to do, until I factored in the fact that I was about to get the 20-20 and get it hard.
Oh, and I as left, well, the "save me" desperation was the clear message in Mona's eyes alright, to which I tried my best to respond with my eyes with "how am I supposed to that when I'm about to die" or something like that.
It felt like the longest walk of my life.
"Stevie, are you comfortable talking to me about what the hell my son has gotten himself into with that dark haired girl? I mean, your friend with the dark hair? What was her name? Mime?"
"Not really, Mrs. Stills and her name is Mona."
"Well, can you at least tell me that they are using the proper protection? I'm not thrilled about having that floozy as a daughter in law. Also, is floozy still a word that people use to talk about a slut?"
"Now, Mrs. Stills, Mona is not a floozy nor is she a slut. It's just some girls just like the darker side of the makeup kit, that's all. Give her a little time. She's actually a bright delight."
"The darker side of the makeup kit???? Her fingernails were black and I bet her toenails were too!"
"And she fits right in with her gang and you must admit, she's quite attractive, right?"
"Oh, so she's in a gang? But yeah, she's actually beautiful, but a lot of people are beautiful. And I'm sorry for what I just said about your friend. We just used to throw around floozy a lot back in my day."
"There you go and here we go at your car, so go home, have a shot and give those two a chance."
"Stevie, would you be comfortable with visiting me tomorrow?"
"Ah, to continue this very uncomfortable conversation about my co-worker's love life, who also happens to be your son? Hmmm, no, not that I mean that to sound offensive, just like I'm sure you didn't mean to refer to my friend as a slut."
"I thought I apologized for that? Anyways, I will give them a chance, but I'm keeping my eye on her!"
"Um, a mother's right, I suppose. So, good night, Mrs. Stills?"
"Alright, well, good night, Stevie and thanks for walking me to my car. Wait, Stevie, we didn't do this back in my day, but I was trying to ask if you would like to visit me tomorrow around 10am. I was, um, thinking about getting a little color from the sun and OMG, I was wondering if would help me with the sun tan lotion?"
Apparently, she knew she wasn't going to get an answer because after what felt like 2 hours, she leaned forward, kissed me on the forehead and took her place in the driver's seat of her car.
So, first of all, WHAT? And second through fifty, what?
Well, driving home was ridiculous because all I could think of was just transpired. I mean, the good news was that a woman approached me, even if it was the of back in the day. The bad news was what? And then shoot, I don't even know where she lives and that led to SOB, I didn't have her number and there was no way in hell that I was going to ask Dean for his mom's number.
LOL, and then in my mind I blamed everything on "back in the day" because they probably didn't have cell phone numbers to share.
So, I kicked back on the couch and flipped on the TV, which about the same time I received a text from Dean. Oh Dean, if you only knew. Or it may have been Mona, but the text included Mrs. Stills phone number and a "accidently call her and get a feel for things" text message. Oh, and to call Mrs. Stills, you know, whenever.
I did not make any calls or send any texts that evening, but I did a little research on what a mature mom might wear on the back deck while getting a little color from the sun. And forgive me for using the term "mature", but Mrs. Stills is a mother of a 22 years old, so feel free to correct me if there is a better term of word.
Well, the only thing that my website research taught me was that (mature) women have like a million choices under the sun when it comes to wearing something to catch the warming rays of the sun. And yes, I'm stupid because I was thinking that like three would pop up. Also, props lady's, some of you still got some game, if you wear such bathing suits.
Now, I wasn't the one who picked up an extra shift at the factory, so my Saturday was free and as a single and free young man, well, I made that call.
