Several times a year I'm guaranteed to be single; Valentine's Day, New Years, Christmas, my birthday and any other day or occasion that involves spending it with a lover. This Valentine's Day, I thought I was going different, turns out I was wrong. I made reservations at one of the rich peoples restaurants, bought a new red dress and red lingerie for after dinner. Then I called to tell Alex when to pick me up and he announced, "I'm not going to be able to make it."
"What does that mean?"
He told me he had to work late.
"On Valentine's Day? Even on normal days you don't work past four."
Then more of the truth came out. He said he liked me but thought we would be better as friends. I disagreed with him and told him to never call me again. I hung up the phone and looked at my dress, it was still in the plastic hanging on my closet door. It was going back to the store tomorrow. However, the red lingerie, I was going to keep. I lifted the bra out of the shopping bag, I was going to go out anyways. But not to a restaurant, I knew two of my friends were going to be at the local bar tonight to celebrate their singleness.
***
Walking to the bar I saw too many happy couples, holding hands, walking side by side, I wanted to cry but Alex wasn't worth it. We had been going out for only three months but the love word had started to pop up in my brain. At one point I even thought he was the one but tonight I was ready to find a someone new. Underneath my coat, I had worn a low cut black sweater, normally I wore a shirt underneath to hide my cleavage but tonight I wanted men to look. I wore my tight black skirt that actually made it look like I had a nice ass. I hadn't done it on purpose but on the outside, I was wearing all black.
My friends were sitting at the bar and were surprised to see me. I couldn't tell them I had been dumped on Valentine's, it hurt to even think about it. I lied, told them Alex had to go out of town because his uncle was sick. It was the best lie I could come up with and I felt like I was lying to my teacher when I didn't have my homework. But they bought, at least pretended to buy it and ordered the bartender to give me a drink.
The bar was still empty but it was early. The only other people were a group of boys sitting at a table behind me that seemed to notice every time I looked to check them out, a guy sitting by himself at the other end of the bar, the bartender and a couple. I had gone on dates to bars before but if I had a boyfriend that brought me there on Valentine's, especially to this dive, he would no longer be my boyfriend. But they looked happy and I wanted to cry again, but I hid my emotions from my friends. I wasn't ready to admit that I was single again.
None of the boys in the group at the table seemed to be worthwhile, neither did the guy sitting by himself, by default the bartender became the most interesting male in the bar. But I already knew him too well. I saw him with too many bar sluts. I tried to tell myself I would have more fun if I didn't spend the whole night hoping to meet someone. But I kept hoping someone would come through the door. When someone interesting finally did come through the door I didn't even notice him. I was doing a shot with my friends. I had been there for over two hours and was feeling very nice. I didn't notice Blake and his friend until they sat down next to me.
"Aren't you supposed to be out on a hot date?" Blake asked.
"Something like that." Then I remembered I was keeping it a secret. "He had to visit a an uncle in the hospital."
"I'm sorry to hear that." Blake used to live next door to me. I met him last summer when I was reading on my porch. I had seen him before in the lobby and elevator but we never spoke until that afternoon he came out to the neighboring porch and asked me what I was reading. We hit it off pretty quickly and started having semi regular conversations. He was a few years older, but I had a crush on him. The only problem was his girlfriend, and when they broke up he moved to a different building a few blocks away. I still saw him in the neighborhood time to time but it wasn't the same.
"Don't worry, I'm beginning to think it's a good thing."
"Maybe."
"So where's your hot date?"
"What hot date?"
"You're too cute to be alone on Valentine's Day." I had never flirted with him before but than I had never been influenced by alcohol when he was around before.
I thought I had gone too far. He was silent until the bartender brought him his drink. Then he brought the topic back to our usual topics. I updated him on my life, my work, my reading until I couldn't talk anymore. I felt like I was talking to my brother.
Blake bought my friends and I another round of shots. I was beginning to feel a little drunk, which had been one of my original intentions of coming to this dive bar but I didn't have to be intoxicated to have fun with Blake and it was making me feel a little immature. He sipped on his Jack and Coke, I was downing Martinis and it didn't help that I was horny almost beyond the point where I could control myself. The alcohol convinced me it was ok to put my hand on his leg. He didn't seem to notice, he just kept on talking to his friend.
I had never seen him check me out, except the first time we talked. I was wearing a tank top and short shorts. I caught him looking but since then he had never showed interest in the physical me and he didn't seem to be interested in me tonight. I took my hand off of him and went to the bathroom.
