The Beach Nut

The question was asked: "Okay... Where's the most exotic place you've had sex, and what was it like…???"

My reply: No question; a deserted stretch of beach on Padre Island, Texas…

I got off work early one Friday and drove down to Padre Island arriving in the early afternoon and set up a simple, but cozy little camp site there… I had arranged to meet a nice girl I had been dating for several months there on the north end of the Island and for us to spend the weekend by ourselves... By late afternoon and having wandered the beach by myself for a few hours, I had still not seen or heard from my girlfriend… She was rarely on time for anything we did together, so, I wasn't really that concerned, but dark was nearing and drove into town for a phone to call and check on her...

As fate would have it things were not to turn out as planned… After several calls around to her home and some friends, I finally reached her at the county hospital where she was staying with her mother who'd been in a car accident, fracturing an arm and gotten several minor scraps and bruises… She told me she was sorry to miss the weekend with me, but the hospital was releasing her mom the next morning and she thought it would be a good idea to go back home with her to be there and help out… I agreed and asked if I should come back, but she said there was no need and she'd see me next week sometime... I visited with her mom a few minutes and she assured me she was little sore and banged up, but would be all right… I gave her my best wishes and told her I'd see her early next week, then hung up…

I turned to climb into my VW Beetle with my short board tied on top realizing I had a whole weekend to surf, fish, and just piddle around on the island... I drove back out to my camp which I had located between two nicely shaped, wind breaking large dunes about five miles down from the nearest public access area… I looked at it briefly and quickly decided since I was by myself, I wanted to put more space between me and the general public, so I packed it all up... I thought, what the hell, I'll get as far away as I can and just enjoy being away from everyone for the weekend… I was envisioning catching some mean waves and doing some surf fishing which I enjoyed doing every now and then, but hadn't in a long time...

I drove several more miles down the beach until i found a great place where three very tall dunes came together forming a semi-wall on three sides with the opening slanted toward the beach downwind… The weather report for the weekend predicted a good chance for light rain early in the weekend, so I had brought my tarp and poles as well as my tent this time… I quickly set my tall poles and strung the heavy tarp high overhead between them, then pitched my small 3 man tent just under the edge of it on the seaward side... I couldn't have asked for a better spot for a quick set up. I looked at it in admiration and thought… it looks good… I was all set...

Dark came shortly and I decided to fish that nite… I had dragged my cooler and fishing gear down to the surf where I began to drink copious amounts of cold beer… I didn't do much fishing after the first five or six beers, but I seem to remember some wild surf dancing, heel art, hollering to noone who wasn't listening anyway, a little sand dummy tackling, and singing my top ten favourite aboriginal, whatever-you-want-to-call-em songs… I don't remember how long I lasted, but I guess I finally wore myself down and just passed out...

Just after daybreak, the waves crashing loudly not far off and a slight chill in the air stirred me awake again… I felt the urge to set up and take stock of my situation even though my head felt like a giant balloon full of jello spinning on a merri-go-round… That may not be an accurate description of it, but anyone who's been there knows exactly what I'm talking about… As I looked around I found that I had fortunately ended up far back away from the surf about twenty yards from my camp and not inadvertently made myself into crab bait in the middle of the night… "Way kewl dude", I uttered to myself.. I couldn't help but, congratulate myself a little for that nice piece of luck…

I also have no idea when or how it happened, but somewhere in that wild night of wave dancing and prancing around like some kind of Swiss family Robinson prodigal child or something, I had lost my cut-offs... AND, my fishing rod... like duh...!!! Well, I prefer not to say they were really "lost" mind you, they were really "put up" somewhere… Their exact whereabouts were merely unbeknownst to me at that time…

I'd like to blame it all on cosmic waves or moon"beams" or something, but I'm sure it was more like the straight shots of Jim "Beams" that I had somehow gotten into and been mixing liberally between the endless cans of PBR's that did it… Whatever it was, there I lay huddled in the sand, swishing sand flies off my gritty, well-tanned body and trying to get a grip on the reality of this new day while nursing a strong case of the Giant Jeevies… That's when I first saw the dog…

It looked like some kind of helical hairball through my fuzzy squinting eyes, but there it was and it was running straight at me from down at the surf... I wanted to jump up to meet it, but I was too late and in my condition that just wasn't gonna happen… So, I just glared wide eyed at it's last several leaping strides as it neared running full speed toward me... In those last few seconds, it suddenly occurred to me that this beast was going to plow straight into me and instinctively I jerked my arms up in front to prepare for the inevitable impact that looked imminent… But, at the very "last" second before it slammed me, it veered left and past my side with a flurry of flying sand all over me... I suddenly knew what that little guy in the commercial felt like, who get's sand kicked in his face by the local beach bully…

I dropped my arms and started brushing myself off while trying to turn around to see where it was going so fast… But, before I could get my aching neck all the way around, I heard it pull up just behind me and stop… I could hear it panting loudly and sort of whimpering like a lot of big dogs usually do... I still wasn't quite steady enough to just bounce up to my feet to look so, I leaned back and rolled over to see what the hell was going on back there…

Soon as I could focus on it, there it was… About ten yards behind me just setting there… But, to my amazement, it wasn't by itself... It was setting at the feet of a young woman… And, not just any young woman, but probably the most gorgeous young woman I have ever laid eyes on in my entire life... Wow, to say I was dumbstruck would be a gross understatement... She was just standing there staring at me with this huge dog setting impatiently at her feet… Without a word, she knelt down and began stroking and petting him; mumbling something in his ear he seemed to understand but, she just kept staring right at me the whole time...

Wow… "This must be a dream…" was all I could think to myself as I quickly tried to gather whatever senses I could muster… I began clambering as best I could in my condition to my feet and turned to faced her and the dog... Sort of in a fuzzy daze, I think all I said to her right then was just a simple, "Hi…" I was probably in some kind of mortal fear that adding anything else to that one word would probably come out more like a Martian gibberish than anything remotely close to being kewl enough… It was probably obvious to her too, that I was staring more at her than she was at me, but I waited to hear her say something first before I dared volunteer anything else…

After only a few moments, she shoosh'd the dog away with a quick pat on his back and he ran off down the beach at the same full speed and full of energy I first saw him… Seemingly in a big hurry to continue his dog mission of searching the world for new mysteries… She slowly stood up, and I don't know why it seemed unexpected, but she started walking right toward me... I think my knees wobbled a little as she approached, but I can't be sure…

She pulled up and stopped not two feet in front of me and without a word started looking me up and down… I just stood there and let her study me, unable to say anything, and frozen like I was getting a uniform inspection from a hard-nosed DI… I might have even closed my eyes for part of it, I can't be sure…

When she seemed content she'd found out enough about whatever she'd been looking for, she leaned forward slightly and looked me straight in the eyes with a pair of the most beautiful super blues I'd ever seen… Then suddenly cracked a slight smile and said "Well, is that for me, or do you always greet strangers this way...???" I think my eyes must've shown a little shock at hearing her voice that first time, but I can't be sure…

Puzzled though, I had no clue what she meant by that statement until I noticed her eyes nodding downward a couple of times and realized where her stare was aimed... Uh oh… I suddenly remembered I had forgotten something… The cut-offs… She was staring right at my crotch... I glanced down and damn… Sure enough, there standing proud and tall was my standard little morning friend and it was pointing straight up at her face... Whoah...!!! Major embarrassment…

Now, I was still pretty hung over and noticeably wobbly… But, I did manage get out a lame, but somehow appropriate, "Whoops, sorry…" all the while blushing like a schoolgirl getting her first Valentine Card and acting like it was some kind of unwelcome, freeloading neighbor at a surprise birthday party…

I quickly grabbed for the tail of my tee shirt with both hands, yanked it down so hard and fast over my fleshy spear buddy down there I ripped the stitching apart clear across my chest... Damn… I just knew I was seriously looking like some stupid oaf now and fumbling uneasily like some kid with a chocolate mustache and an empty cookie jar under his arm… I tried desperately to look like everything was perfectly normal… Maybe I smiled, I can't be sure…

Now, right here I think I should say something… Yes… This woman in front of me could have been old and haggly… She could have been short and pudgy… She could've been all those things together PLUS, covered in dime-sized pimples, a giant wart smack in the middle of her forehead, and smelled like she cleaned septics for a living and just got off work… And, none of this would have mattered very much…

But, she wasn't... Standing there right in front of me was this dreamlike, beautiful goddess of a young girl-woman who looked to be something immaculately conceived; by the all-everything, chief-high power in charge, with a real sense of perfection in the art of human creation that just didn't often care to share that little craft with us mere humans... But, there she was and, within a breath's distance of me... I was fidgeting badly, but worse, I was completely speechless…

Fortunately for me, she seemed to understand my pre'dick'ament at that moment and I guess decided I needed a little help… She leaned forward to within just inches of my face, and quietly looked me straight in the eyes with those piercing super blues… I may have flinched like she was going to bite me or something, I can't be sure… But, very calmly she opened her mouth and said "Hey, it's ok… I've seen them before..." then leaned back again and turned her attention out to the surf as if looking for her dog, and started walking slowly away...

I have no idea why my little pea brain works the way it does sometimes, but the only thought that came to me then was part of an old wisecrack line young boys use on each other when one of them starts bragging about some piece of ass he'd just had… Before I could stop myself, I blurted out in her direction "Yeah… Probably in pictures, right...???"

Damn… That was a stupid thing to say to this gorgeous creature… I could've kicked my own ass right then and wondered why I said that… Like, duh… I was certain at this point I had confirmed to her I had the IQ of a ball bearing and instinctually poised myself ready for a some kind of snappy and pointed comeback… But, she stopped a few yards away, turned around, and walked back over to me, standing right where she was before… Pausing briefly, she cracked a shy smile and said, "Hmmm… How did you know...???"

Well, I knew then she had a sense of humour, and that certainly was just what I needed to lighten the air a little… We both started laughing together… Now I didn't feel so much of a complete baffoon and was starting to get a little more comfy with this pleasant little surprise guest thing… Then again, she completely shocked me… She reached down, grabbed my hands that were still death gripping the tail of my tee shirt, slowly undid them, and without saying a word reached underneath and took hold of my still raging hardon…

Woweeee... I felt like needles were running through every vein in my entire body… I think I made a huge gasp for air too, I can't be sure... Now, my dick being the staunch defender of the family lineage and the perpetual man compass that it is, was still at a high state of alert… But, her warm soft hand around it making it feel a lot less lonely than just moments before, had it twitching with a definite new sense of excitement other than having to piss really badly...

I didn't say anything… My tongue was too thick… She gently squeezed and jacked on it softly and I heard her murmur quietly and softly under her breath to noone in particular, "Mmmmm… That's very nice..." Well, to myself I was about half egotistically thinking "Well, of course it is.." but, I sure didn't say it out loud…

She kept fondling my dick for a moment, then reached her other arm up and put it around my neck… Almost as if to hold me so I couldn't get away… Yeah, right… Like I was going somewhere right then.. She never said anything else the whole time she was playing with it, but she did utter lot's of "Mmmmm's"… I took that to mean, she approved, but I can't be sure…

It really wouldn't have mattered much, she could have been deft, dumb, and blind for all I cared right then, I was just enjoying having a warm hand playing with my dick and it wasn't my own for a change… She seemed to delight herself and continued to fondle and squeeze me for what seemed like several minutes… And, I don't know why really, but I was somehow getting the feeling that she was more amazed with my hard dick, than I was that she was playing with it…

I had no idea how this wonderful, but somehow odd, little windfall had come together for me right then… I really didn't care, but… And, damn the timing… I began to remember why my dick was standing there in the first place… My customary first-thing-in-the-morning urge to piss came back over me... And, just when I was about to get over my embarrassment…

Reluctantly, but with more of a pressing need at hand than hers wrapped around my hard dick, I reached up and held her arms, then eased backwards a little from her… She looked a little confused until I confessed my very untimely need to her, "Hey, I love what you're doing, but I really have to go... Uh, I really have to go "piss" right now..." And, as if I had to ask her permission I added, "Would that be ok...???"

She giggled a little and surprised me yet one more time with, "Sure, I've always wanted to write my name with one of these things like I've heard so much about... Go ahead, let it rip..." I almost laughed at that little shock, but afterall she did have a hold of my dick, so what the hell… I closed my eyes and grunted to myself real hard… Luckily, the flow started when it was supposed to or my embarrassment would have further compounded on itself...

I wasn't looking, but as the flow started I could feel her moving it back and forth, giggling and laughing the whole time… I finally looked down as she was putting the finishing touches on dotting the "i" at the end of a crude, but effective looking "Lori"... I was about spent, but with the last hard spurt of piss, I saw her complete the little project with a final, but emphatic underline...

We both laughed and she even shook those last few drips several times for good measure… Perfect, just like any guy would do... I said, "Nice job for a beginner… Couldn't have done it any better…" She just giggled, and said, "That was so kewl…"

Now surely like me at this point you just gotta ask yourself… What are the odds...??? I mean, what are the odds on some guy out by himself on some deserted beach waking up from a stupor to find he's been taken over by some radiantly beautiful young woman, who within just minutes of first laying eyes on her, was writing her name in the sand with his piss hardon...???

That's gotta be some kind of unbreakable Guinness World Record I'm sure… Well, that is if there is some such a record for odd-ball human meetings... But, hey… I'm not complaining here… It was definitely working' just fine for this guy…

Anyway, we laughed at her little project for another moment, then I felt compelled after her little expose' in the sand to tell her my own, "By the way, my name is Dee"… She said, "Kewl, nice to meet you Dee, I'm Lori…" I smiled and said facetiously, "Well, it's not real polished and maybe needs a little work, but I think I can read your writing just fine…" She laughed…

We walked back over to my tent where I rustled up my coffee pot and pulled my Coleman stove out onto the small camp table I'd set up… As I was busy readying the pot of coffee and fire, I asked her what she was doing out here by herself so early in the morning... She told me she lived in town down the beach and ran here almost every morning to give her dog a workout and just enjoy the fresh morning air and salty mist off the ocean… I can't say I blame her for that… It's always beautiful on the beach at sunrise, when you're not hungover…

Almost on que, the big brown dog came running up from out of nowhere, panting loudly, and carrying a short, worn-looking stick of driftwood that was half covered with wet saliva soaked sand and seaweed… He ran straight up to her and laid his newest gift at her feet with great pride and seemed to be waiting for her approval… She bent down and grabbed both sides of his neck, shook his sand covered fur, then gave him a big affectionate hug telling him "Thank you… Good boy…" And, with a sincere heartfelt appreciation…

He seemed very pleased with himself with that, then picked up his prize and wandered over to the door of my tent where he laid down and further contented himself by chewing it into small pieces… I'm pretty sure he'd done this many times before because it didn't take very long… Soon he bored with it, and laid his head down and fell off to sleep…

With the coffee started, I asked her if she wanted anything else, maybe something to eat, but she graciously said no, she was just fine so, I motioned her over to my day-cot at the back of the tarp next to the back dune to set down while we waited for the coffee… It was a handy, but solid little folding cot I'd found at a garage sale and added a thick, extra heavy sponge pad to it for doubling as a bed if necessary when camping…

We sat down and she told me I had a nice camp in a great place and I told her how I'd driven a long way until I finally found it, but basically we just piddle talked and laughed about a few little things passing the minutes until the coffee began to boil over…

I couldn't believe how hard it was all the sudden for me to think of anything kewl to say to this beautiful woman right then, but I was relieved by the sudden distraction to break the blah's… I jumped up and quickly grabbed the pot off the fire, hurriedly cleaned the mess, then poured two cups and brought them back over, handing one to her as I sat back down next to her again… I was a little embarrassed at my obvious lack of manly-type competence, but she sensed that and just smiled saying, "You're just like me… I always let mine boil over too…" I smiled a little uneasily, but appreciated her modest identity with that… Damn those first few sips were good and I needed them too…