It is difficult to explain. The rounds made to the varied coffee houses, was not doing it for me any longer. A systematic study and tasting of absolutely everything each shoppe had to offer. Every roast from light to dark, beans from around the world, and yes, even the ones they separated from monkey poop. Powdered beans, course grinds, medium grinds, hot brews, cold brews, and triple grande to single espresso shots, coffee liqueurs of all flavors, were each tried. Moka pots, espresso machines, Briki pots, drip pots, aero press, and some coffee machines that defy description. Flavored coffee and syrups beyond number crossed the counter to my hands. And yet, it was not fulfilling. I wanted, needed something else.
And so, the tale is this.
They were hushed whispers. Rumors spoken softly whilst crossing themselves. Eyes darting as though some unforeseen menace eavesdropped on the hushed conversation. Youngsters repeated thrice removed tales. Old men, quaking in fear and refused to speak of what they knew. Talk of other men that had made the journey I now undertook, returned broken and some, never returned. Notes were taken of each conversation. Pages of scribbles collected and organized began to be coalesced into a bizarre story of a redheaded Witch. The brew of coffee she offered carried a ponderous price if you dared. Perhaps death if you were not strong enough. But promised an amazing experience. Call me young and foolish if you like, I ventured to do so.
The journey would take me from the east coast to the Appalachian Mountains. A course that avoided all roads and highways. A place traversed with overgrown paths and thickly forested elevations. My resolve was firm. As I had systematically researched coffee, I now applied the same motivation to physically preparing for the journey. Twice daily trips to the gym, concentrated weightlifting sessions alternated with walking and running on incline treadmills. Steppers lubricated with the rivers of sweat that poured from my body. Protein packed meals in between to fuel the calorie draining workouts.
Two months of concentrated workouts transformed my body into a hard muscled and powerful machine. The trek would be difficult, but I knew I could do this. Supplies collected with micro precision and packed tightly, no space wasted or unused. I was ready. Two days were taken with only rest and sleep. Then, I began what I would find to be a life-changing adventure.
The automobile was taken until there was nowhere left to drive. Interstate to highway, highway to paved road, paved road to dirt and finally, the road turned to path. My car was left in the care of a kind gentleman who offered to let me stay the night in his barn. Supper offered and taken, and I spun my tale for him. His facial expressions varied from incredulous to bemused. Mostly, he shook his head, but said little.
I slept well that night and, in the morning, after a couple of eggs, bacon and biscuits supplied by the gentleman, I donned the backpack and strode into the forest. The soft earth under my boots cushioned any noise, years of decayed leaves and pines needles. The smell of the earth and the scent of the forest carried on a light breeze. I made good time as the mountains had yet to grow too severe. Periodically, an opening in the forest gave me the sight of the peaks that lay ahead. This would not always be so easy.
I will not bore you with the day-to-day events of my excursion. Two weeks of wandering the mountains and forest. Periodically, another soul crossed my path. Solitude for me. Occasionally stopping for supplies, following another lead, and continued hiking.
Then, one afternoon.
The scent of smoke, just barely discernible, tickled my nose. Immediately, I turned to march through the trees and search for possible humanity.
The trees and branches thickened as I strode, making passage challenging. Yet I persevered. A few scratches on exposed flesh and a torn shirt. A clearing could be seen, and I stepped in low grass, and Sun. Suddenly I was surrounded by a horde of rattlesnakes, each shaking and making the loudest rattle. I stood still, not knowing what to do. There was a cabin in the middle of the clearing, and I considered yelling for help. Instead, a large horned goat rounded the corner of the building and headed straight for me. It charged me and hit me square in the stomach, which sent me flying backwards to the forest edge. I lay flat on the ground, holding my guts and gasping for air. The goat and snakes came to my side and stood guard. If I did not move, they did not move.
A petite figure rounded the cabin. Even in my addled condition, it was a woman. The swagger of the hips and bounce of the breasts. The face covered by the brim of a large and pointed hat. She looked like a Witch. At least what I thought one should look like. The snakes parted at her approach and made a path. The hat brim raised. I expected to see a toothless, wart covered, withered, grey haired and haggard face with red eyes glaring at me.
That was not the case. Steel grey eyes peered at me as though looking at my soul. Long red locks hung down past shoulders to the elbow. She had a most lovely face and lips that were full and luscious. I followed the flowing hair down as it framed a curvy body. Breasts barely contained in a tight-fitting bodice; a thin waist that flared to rounded hips. The broomstick skirt stopped at mid-calf to reveal a pair of small feet with brightly painted toenails. My eyes returned upwards and seem to fixate on her breasts.
She spoke.
"What are you looking at?!!?!?? My eyes are up here you pathetic little pervert!!"
My head and eyes popped up to see her glaring at me with sparkling steel grey eyes.
She spoke.
"What are you doing out here in the middle of the forest? Are you lost or just plain stupid?"
My brains were a scrambled mess and I struggled to come up with a plausible reason for being here. Then I remembered.
I blurted out.
"I am here for the coffee."
A melodic giggle issued from her red lips as her hands were placed on her hips.
She spoke.
"Well, you really are miserable idiot to come out here for a cup of coffee. Mind what you do, or Bruno will knock you all the way back to where you came from."
The goat scraped the dirt with his hoof and snorted at me. He must be Bruno.
She spoke.
"Get up and follow me."
She turned and headed towards the cabin. I managed to rise from the grass and stood. The snakes and Bruno eyed me carefully. Carefully, I trod the same path as the Witch. I opened my mouth to tell her my name.
But instead, she spoke first.
"Yes, I know who you are. You are Benjamin Stephen Reinhardt. You have been hiking in these woods for weeks looking for me and a cup of coffee. You made so much noise, we heard you a week ago. You kept Bruno awake for days."
