Voice of the Mind

Chapter 2.1 – Thinking about Jenny

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He had known her for a little over five years; five years online, where they had only seen each other twice in that period, and after that she had moved closer to him because she wanted to attend a particular university. He applied there as well for his own reasons and they would finally be able to see each other offline as well.

Vincent had some reservations at first, not sure whether that would strengthen that bond or obliterate it after realizing that they weren't that compatible after all. Even five years of online friendship couldn't promise how you get on whenever you're next to each other on a daily basis. But it turned out that they hit it off really well and their friendship actually deepened. Not only did they go to college together – they were actually classmates for some optional classes outside their major – but they also hung out together and even went out together to parties and such.

They had a decent group of people they hung out with at school, but they were also often just together. Nevertheless, nobody had ever asked him whether he was dating her. Apparently they didn't give out that vibe to others. Well, at least he thought he hadn't.

She

had disguised that vibe rather well apparently, at least so he hadn't noticed.

Back in the days when they had met online, it was because of a stupid argument. They got into a fight – made up later on – and then became friends. Jenny had proved to be a debater, someone who would take arguments, weigh them and then decided what was worth taking and what would be the eventual outcome. She had always been someone who served justice – even back on the playground when kids were bullying each other.

Jenny had taken classes of self-defense in terms of karate because she used to be coming home bruised and battered for fighting with boys twice her size – simply because she didn't like them bullying someone. Her parents reasoned if they couldn't make her

stop

fighting, they could ensure that she would at least come out as the

winner

of the fight. The winner usually had the least bruises as well, which was a nice extra.

It was the same with Vincent. Whenever their opinions differed, she was the one taking in all of his arguments, weighing them against hers and then coming to the conclusion which would finish the argument. He nearly always agreed with her after hearing her verdict and the reasoning for coming to said conclusion. It hadn't taken her long to realize that her careerpath was supposed to be something in the line of justice – and she had chosen to study law enforcement. She hadn't decided whether she would want to become a judge or a lawyer, but she thought it would show eventually. Her high grades weren't holding her back after all.

It was there where she had encountered Nicole, his sister. She and Nicole attended the same classes and found they matched well. They hung out often at school if Vincent wasn't nearby and they became friends. It was because of their friendship that Jenny ended up on their couch at their home instead of her own, with Vincent and Nicole her best friends. Technically Nicole and Jenny already knew each other. While Vincent had befriended Jenny, Nicole had sought her out as well since Vincent talked about her all the time. She had wanted to know what kind of girl she was and ended up befriending her as well. They weren't that close as Vincent and Jenny were, but Nicole and Jenny did develop a decent friendship. That friendship blossomed once they met each other in college and found out that it clicked in real life even better than online.

Jenny's brother, a year younger than her, had also applied for college there. He was getting restless after his sister went to live by herself and he got permission from their parents to join her here. On the condition that he, just as Jenny, would earn money by taking a part-time job – their parents couldn't afford to pay for housing next to their schooling money after all.

Vincent thought about it all, how things had worked out really well ever since they decided to go to college together. Both he and Nicole as he and Jenny. But while he considered Jenny as his best friend, he hadn't considered her anything more than that. Or did he?

She certainly wasn't lacking in the looks department. All those bruises she had received never left a mark and her face was spotless. Her blond hair she usually wore in a ponytail that reached just below her neckline was clean and beautiful. She sure wasn't a knockout beauty. She wasn't Ms. Universe or anything, but he did realize that she was making a few men crane their necks when she passed by. Not the majority, but certainly a few.

Her aversion for makeup and pretty clothes didn't help in that department either. She generally chose plain jeans and plain shirts, which didn't highlight any of her features. He once asked why she never wore dresses and she had told him that they were unfomfortable to wear because you always had to watch out that it didn't get stuck on some hook and tear half of it off. She had the mind of a woman and the mindset of a man.

She loved to do things men did, earning her a lot of points with guys, but because she never seemed to show any romantic feelings, people who knew her generally left her alone. She could hold her beer, she could lift her weight when necessary and she could throw you over the counter if you were trying to feel her up while drunk. She really was one of the guys.

It made it hard to believe that this girl would eventually get a boyfriend and become all giggly. Vincent knew she used to have a boyfriend before she moved here and it didn't work out that well. She had told him all about it, her feeling butterflies, her hooking up with him and her good times – but also her bad times and eventually the breakup. He had been feeling insecure because of her, because she was the brash one, because she was the tough one. He had been the one telling her he wanted to break up and it left her devastated. Vincent was the only guy in the whole world who knew she could bawl like a girl over love. And he loved her for it.

And now she loved him. And in the same way as she did back then when she had told him everything about that guy she liked. The guy she had scared away eventually. She has had a few other guys, Vincent knew about that. Just look at the last time when they had gone out and he had come home alone. He was pretty sure she had scored a guy who would keep her up at night. If he recalled correctly, she might have landed a guy four, five times or so?

And have you ever been jealous of them?

the voice in his head wanted to know. He was surprised he didn't know the answer to that. He surely knew that he was jealous of

her

sometimes, when she went home with a guy and he didn't get laid at all that night.

And what did you do then?

the voice continued, sounding more and more like a sort of conscience. And perhaps it was.

Get plastered.

A pause before he could admit it to himself.

And jerking off on her getting fucked by some imaginary guy.

And now it was his turn to be reeled in and to be judged whether he was worth the guy she wanted to spend her life with. And he didn't know if he was ready for that. He didn't know if he wanted to risk their friendship for that either.

It has only been two days since he found out that she harbored actual love for him. Not the love in friendships, but romantic love. It had scared

him

away, effectively enough to stash himself away to avoid her. He knew that wouldn't be a lasting solution, but he honestly didn't know how to deal with it.

Or rather, the fact that he had means of obtaining this information by prying in her mind and securing that information himself. That was even more disturbing. He could've handled having a crush on her or she on him. He didn't know how to handle being able to read her mind.

At first he was confused because these thoughts didn't make sense until he realized they weren't his. When he connected the dots and linked them to Jenny, he got even more confused.

But why only hers?

he wondered.

If I'm susceptible to receiving thoughts, I should receive the thoughts of other people as well. But so far I've only heard hers, not even the thoughts of Nicole. And if you're beating yourself up, how come you can even

hear

thoughts in the first place?

I can't exactly go up to her and say: "Hey there. Did you know I can hear everything you think?" and get away with it, now, can I? You might be friends, but that doesn't mean you share all your thoughts with each other.

Like how you wouldn't mind plunging your dick into that lovingly blonde pussy of hers?

a voice in his mind said – and laughed at his distress.

The proverbial pink elephant,

he thought. Of course he has had his dreams about Jenny. She

was

a girl after all and she wasn't ugly looking either. He did have a few wet dreams of her and it always had bothered him because he would see her for a girl for the next few days after that and he would be uncomfortable around her, even when they had only spoken over the phone or chatted on the internet.

Now how would it be if she could read your mind at those moments, seeing you ravage her body in your mind while stroking your dick behind your computer while chatting to her casually over how that new game was you had played yesterday? Would

you

like to know about that if you were her?

He buried his face in his hands and sighed.

He certainly had fantasies about her every now and then, but he had always dismissed them for him being a horny teenager. And really, he valued his friendship with her more than when he would make an ass out of himself by proposing to her and them being awkward around each other for the rest of their lives.

And what if she makes a move? I know she likes me, so I would know that she was making a move on me. If I dismiss it and she leaves it at that, would I then feel guilty for brushing her off? Or would I go along and end up having sex with her because I know that is what she wants? Wouldn't I feel guilty about that then?

He felt torn between two sides. Either he would reject her without her knowing, or he would accept without her knowing. Both felt wrong to him. Either way, reading her mind only made things worse. And he didn't have any idea how he could get rid of it. It didn't help in making up his mind.

He was weighing his options if he should just go date her, take the initiative himself, but he didn't know if he wasn't thinking it merely out of guilt for knowing she loved him. He wasn't sure about his feelings at all and he believed it would be unfair to himself

and

her if he would date her without being sure if he wants to date her.

So what then? Telling her? Aaaaaand, we have come full circle. Way to go, Vincent.

He sighed. And he knew he had to go back to class again. He couldn't just avoid her the entire year. She knew where he lived. And she'd visit.

* * * * * * * * * *

Chapter 2.2 – Confrontation

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It'd been three days now sinds he had started evading her. He skipped a few classes and assignments, none of which were important enough to fail, but being home didn't really solve his problems either. He really had to find a way to cope with being able to hear her thoughts and not letting her know about it.

He didn't think being honest would be a good way to maintain their friendship, so he had to find a way to either block out her thoughts, or accept them as such and live with it. Yet, knowing the solution and actually applying it was quite a different thing. He was so deep in thought that he never even considered that the girl in question could stand in front of the door when he opened it.

"Hey there," she greeted cautiously. "Haven't seen or heard you in a couple of days and wondered if you could use some help in getting up again. You still sick?"

He knew that that was only part of the reason she'd appeared on his doorstep. Another reason was that she was worried sick about him because he hadn't contacted her at all during his absence – something she was not used to, as he'd even tell her about it when he'd spiked a high fever back in the days. Not telling her anything at all while staying home was just not his style. And now he had only sent her a text message that he was sick and that she should stay away until he recovered. Without any updates at all.

A third reason was that she had felt the uneasiness for the past few days during his absence. She didn't know what it was, but she had the odd feeling that she was one who had caused his silence during the illness. She hadn't really asked about it, but she knew that she had to do so at some point. And because she worried about it, he worried about it as well since he could nearly follow her line of thoughts step by step. And he didn't know how to answer.

"Sorta," he said eventually. "I'm feeling a bit under the weather for a while now and taking some time off might help curing that."

"You should've told me!" she exclaimed while she forced herself in by pushing him aside. He didn't really bother in keeping her out, despite him nearly panicking for letting her in and not knowing what to do with her. "You usually tell me pretty much everything, but lately you've been avoiding me."

Ah, so you'd noticed?

he thought to himself, although he knew her thoughts about that for a while. He could read her thoughts like a neon sign popping in his mind by now. She hadn't kept that thought for herself for longer than a few seconds because of that – and his inability to block them out. He'd heard her thoughts even before she had greeted him when he opened the door, not realizing she was out there.

"So what's the deal?" she asked as she stood in the middle of the living room with her back to him, while he shut the front door. "Why are you avoiding me?"

Have I done something wrong? If so, what? I've been racking my head for weeks and still haven't come up with anything. Are you having a girlfriend I don't approve of? That never happened, has it? Or what else?

"No, you haven't done anything wrong, Jenny. And no, I don't have a girlfriend either. I'm just feeling crappy for the past few days and you pick up on that apparently. My apologies, but there's nothing you should feel bad about or anything."

She didn't reply to him. Instead, she had turned towards him, one eyebrow raised. At first he thought she'd tell him off or anything, only to realize that she was not going to be angry. She was acting surprised.

Surprised by what? I'm not receiving anything from her either.

His brain raced to remember what he had just said and wondered what part of that conversation was making her feel like that. Until he realized that he had replied to her thoughts, rather than an actual question.

"Ho-how did you know that? How did you know what I was thinking about?"

"We know each other for years now. It would be weird if I didn't pick up on things you'd think," he waved with his hand, feeling his hands turn clammy and sweat started dripping along his spine.

She stopped. Didn't say anything, didn't move anything. She just observed him. He didn't pick up any thoughts either, which creeped him out even more despite the whole idea of hearing her thoughts already creeping him out. But when she spoke, he was surprised.

"So

that's

the reason. You can

actually

hear my thoughts."

He'd always known she was a smart girl, but she picked it up faster than he expected. He was also surprised that she wasn't running out of the house screaming like – well, like a girl. Except that he hadn't ever heard her scream. She just wasn't the type to do so.

"You should've told me!" she beamed. "Because ... well, for starters, I think that's pretty

awesome

."

This time it was his turn to stop in his tracks. And he was busy peddling backwards towards the door for some reason. Perhaps to run away when she would assault him.

"Wait, wait, wait," he said, holding one hand up to stop her from hugging him. "Pretty awesome? So you ... don't think it's weird?"

"

Of course

it's weird! But shit, it's also interesting as hell! Or did you forget that I like these kinds of stuff?"

He nearly face-palmed himself. She had always been slightly interested in paranormal things like telepathy, out of body experiences and the likes. He knew about that when they had been talking online a few years ago. He forgot about it because

he

wasn't interested and forgot most of the stuff after she finished talked about it. But that didn't mean

she

stopped being interested in it.

"Uh ... so you actually don't mind?" he asked – immediately regretting the half-pun in that question.

She shifted her feet a bit and her eyes were downcasted for awhile, trying to find the right words. Again he didn't pick up anything, which had to mean that she didn't consciously thought about anything. She was simply letting it all sink in.

"Honestly, I do think it takes a little while to gets used to – and I do believe that I might get angry for some things, but I think that it's immensely interesting." Her eyes started glittering again. "So you

really

should've told me!"

She was nearly stomping her feet, so clearly happy she was.

He sighed. "I didn't even plan on telling you, really. I was dead scared that you'd consider me a freak and didn't want to see me anymore."

"Seriously?" she narrowed her eyes a bit in confusion. "But if you were able to hear my thoughts, then you'd know that you could go a long way before I'd cast you out. After all, you would know how I've been trying to keep it quiet that I actually loved you as more than a friend."

He grinned, despite it not being the proper response. This was why he liked her; her quick thinking, her wit, her bluntness and the fact that she didn't want to keep secrets.

"You're right," he said. "My apologies for keeping you in the dark."

"Good," she nodded. "Now, if you could enlighten me?"

You know, about me declaring that I like you as more than a friend. Because, if you can read my mind, you've obviously noticed that part, haven't you?

He blushed. But realized that he couldn't put it off much longer anyway.

"Honestly, I'm flattered. And I'm tempted to say 'yes' because I really like you and we've been really close for the past few years, but I'm not really sure about my feelings. I need a little time to sort it out. That's part of why I started avoiding you; I didn't want to be dragged into it by coincidence. If I'm going to date you, I want it to be mutual, not because I'm overwhelmed by your feelings. That would only result in failure. And I don't want to lose you as a friend, just because of some silly thing I haven't thought through."

She pouted. "Fair enough. It took me a little while as well before I was sure about this, so it's not like I don't know how it is. But still, there is something else I want to ask you; how did you manage to read my thoughts?"

He held up his hands to the air, as if there was some sort of explanation there. "I have no clue, really. At some point I could just hear your thoughts. Perhaps because I was the subject of your thoughts, but that was the only reason I could think of. After that even thoughts where I wasn't the subject I started picking up, but they were all only your thoughts."

"Just mine? Nobody else's?"

"Nope. You're a special case. So I'm not sure if I'm influenced by your charms and feel attracted to you

because

I heard your thoughts, or because I liked you already. It's a little more complicated than determining whether I like you or not, especially with the thought-thingy." He pointed at his temple.