This day's haul of random stolen goods included a fresh cigarette, a tag that had been ripped off a mattress, a pen cap, an elastic band for long hair, and a scrap of torn fabric. The fabric was what bothered Arthur. It reeked of cigarettes, so he didn't understand why Benny had taken it. It felt like cotton, maybe from a T-shirt. Benny watched as Arthur threw all these things in a trash can in a kitchen, but he didn't seem upset. He was probably happy that he had more room for more junk.
Vince came into the kitchen soon after the trash was disposed of, and he put an arm around Arthur's waist. "You've been cooped up for a long time." A kiss on Arthur's forehead. "You want to go out?"
"You already have a reservation at some fancy rich people's restaurant, don't you?"
Proudly, Vince puffed out his chest and said, "I most certainly do."
"You really should give me a heads up before doing that."
Dressed up in fancy clothes, even a little bit of jewelry, Arthur was taken to a restaurant with a variety of seating. A very clean, round booth was what they chose. They held hands and whispered into each other ears. They even shared a few short kisses. If anyone in the restaurant noticed, they likely didn't care.
When they got home, they had a romp in Arthur's room. Then Arthur thought to change his underwear. He checked his drawer and froze.
"What's the problem?" Vince's feet gently padded over to him.
"I ... I might be having a stupid moment." Arthur's hand was stiff on the drawer's handle.
Vince peeked over his shoulder. "Hm? What do you mean?"
"This morning, the laundry was pretty much all done, right?"
Vince touched his arm. "I think so."
"So all my underwear's clean."
"Uhm ... yeah?"
Arthur turned back to look at him. His knew his eyes looked hollow because they felt hollow. "I have three red pairs of red underwear, boxer briefs." He looked back to the drawer and lifted up the small stack of undies. "This morning, I put on a gray pair. I remember I thought of wearing red, but I chose gray." He showed Vince that there were only two copies of the specific red underwear. "I have three pairs, and I saw these three pairs this morning, but now there are only two."
Mystified, but still very calm, Vince stepped back and narrowed his eyes at Benny, who was playfully kicking a toy. "Did the cat figure out how to open and close drawers?"
"If you want to check him for underwear, be my guest," Arthur said as he got a white pair of undies, "but I don't think he's reached that level of determination yet."
Just to be sure, Arthur checked the other drawers. Then he walked off to the nearest laundry room, the one that all his clothes were cycled through. He couldn't find anything even resembling his lost red underwear.
It was so weird.
***
The wedding was quiet, discreet, nothing more than a trip to a courthouse with two of Vince's employees as witnesses. Vince even paid them extra for their time. The new husbands dressed like they were at the most stylish wedding in the world. They had a new pair of golden wedding bands to put on their fingers.
As for the possibility of a honeymoon, that wasn't really figured out yet. They stayed home and looked at all sorts of options on the Internet. From tropical beaches to ski resorts. Countries like Japan, Scotland, Russia, Romania, South Korea, Mongolia, and Croatia. They also considered places in U.S.A. Myrtle Beach, Yellowstone National Park, Maui, the Grand Canyon, and New Orleans. This was the most first world of first world problems. They had no idea what to choose, so they waited until they had at least an idea.
But the main thing on Arthur's mind was What's-Her-Name, the cleaning woman who often to worked in a room Arthur was using and chatted on as if she had the right to his attention. Arthur felt bad for her. She might have been lonely, or bored, and maybe she wanted a friend, but in all honesty he didn't want to be her friend. He just wanted to be left alone.
When What's-Her-Name started talking about her dating life, and then even her god damn sex life, Arthur was appalled. This woman had to be stupid, had to be.
Arthur suspected she was purposely trying to pick rooms that he was in, even if it meant ignoring rooms she'd been assigned. One morning, Arthur was in his bedroom (he really didn't want to move to a different room), playing a version of keep away with Benny, when What's-Her-Name was rubbing some Pledge on something. Arthur had been trying to ignore her, but his heart froze when she got close to his back and oh so casually yet oh so loudly asked, "Do you have any good videos of guy-on-guy stuff? You can message me."
Message?
Arthur dropped the cat toy and nudged Benny away. Then, his teeth tight and his breath hot, he got to his feet.
He'd never shared any contact information with this crazy woman! Why was she acting like he had?!
Fists at his sides, Arthur started down at the perky woman and let it out.
"What the fuck's wrong with you?! Get the hell out of my room and don't ever come back!! If I see you here again I'll drag you out by your hair!!" He pointed at the exit doors. "Get your shit and go!! Out!! Now!!"
What's-Her-Name's face turned almost the color of a pomegranate. Then she did the weirdest combination of fake crying and shrieking. If the rooms weren't basically sound proof, a crowd of people might've shown up right then. Arthur wasn't having any of this shit. Grabbing her basket of cleaning supplies, he marched on to the exit doors and literally tossed it into the hallway, uncaring of all the spilled bottles, rags, scrubbers, and other things.
Then he went up to What's-Her-Name and seized her hair's little bun. Of course the wild bitch screamed, kicked, and clawed at him, but she wasn't scary. Even Arthur could deal with her. She probably weighed ninety-five pounds after a good meal.
With even less care than the basket, Arthur threw this woman out of his room and slammed the doors back in place. Then he locked them. He expected her to bang on the doors like the idiot she was but to his surprise all he heard was her exaggerated whimpers. Arthur chose to ignore her and check on Benny. That cat was hiding in his bed then, peeking out from behind the curtains. He'd never seen his favorite human in such a violent mood before. No wonder it was so frightening to him!
Arthur sighed and returned to his normal, tame nature. It didn't take long for Benny to go into his arms. They cuddled on his bed for a while.
In all honesty, Arthur didn't think there was anything wrong with women being interested in some good old fashioned guy-on-guy porn, or even watching a live performance assuming all parties consented. However, he wasn't even What's-Her-Name's friend, and he thought it was highly inappropriate for her to just ask him about porn while she was on the job.
And he was married to her boss, for fuck's sake!!
What a lunatic!!
But should he tell Vince?
Maybe, yes?
Arthur very lightly scratched under Benny's chin. That cat's purring sounded like an engine.
But Arthur didn't like messing with other people's money. He didn't want her to lose her job.
As long as What's-Her-Name kept her distance and left him alone, Arthur didn't mind pretending to forget about it.
***
The week after incident with What's-Her-Name was uneventful. Arthur enjoyed domestic and marital bliss, cooking food, playing games, working out, soaking in hot tubs, watching stuff, and having lots of sex.
