The August heat was getting to him, so was his loneliness. Throwing on a t-shirt and grabbing his running shoes, Jay closed the sliding door behind him. Starting down the familiar pathway he admired the sun as it began to set.
He loved his evening walks, the same route every night didn't bother him, in fact he enjoyed the routine. Now however, he walked alone. It was his choice; he who had decided to call it off. To "take a break and think things through," he'd said. Jay didn't regret the decision; it had helped him realize what he was missing in his life, what it was that he really wanted; a commitment. A life with that one person who made him feel whole, who loved him faults and all, forever.
Jay feared he had taken too long to make his decision now. It was driving him crazy watching them together; at least he assumed they were together. The subtle touching seen through the window as Jay stood by the tree. Just out of sight, in the shadows, where the light from the back door that fell upon the yard didn't quite reach. When he saw them enjoying a glass of wine, laughing and having a very obvious good time, he figured it meant he had lost out on his one true love, the one he wanted as his life partner.
Not knowing what to do about it, and being quite naturally shy, Jay did nothing. He just continued this nightly routine of walking through the woods, down the path past the glittering pond where they had shared so much. So many memories came to mind when he stared in the water, watched the way it rippled silently as the flow from the river beyond it fed the pool so very slowly.
The nights they'd lain here, made love in the moonlight on the grass by the side of the water bed. The cat tails swaying in the breeze of the spring winds as they gathered for that one last storm before summer. That was the last time they were together as lovers too.
They'd spoken a few times over the last few months, about things left at the others house they needed. About certain concerts they had agreed to go to but were not now so what should Jay do with the extra ticket. They discussed giving the trip to Hawaii to Jay's sister and her husband as an anniversary gift, and agreed perhaps it was best; they wouldn't be enjoying that trip either.
Jay sighed as he came to the tree where he'd stood every night since he'd made his little announcement. God, I miss him. He thought to himself. What the hell am I going to do now?
Leaning against the tree, lighting up a cigarette and praying Mark wouldn't see the ember of it in the darkness beyond the house, Jay stared at the big picture window of the cottage where Mark lived. It's wooden logs that made up the sides and the roof; the complete wrap around porch they had built last summer still shining with the stain they'd applied to the wood and the smoke trailing gently from the woodstove chimney made it a picturesque sight.
Remembering the night they'd met up again at "Modene's Roadhouse" three years ago, gotten drunk and laughed at all the things they reminisced over doing when they were younger, the stupid things mostly. They had grabbed a cab to Mark's place, figuring Jay could walk the distance to his place from there but instead they had gone back to the living room of the newly built cottage.
They'd known one another as teens, been intimate once before but never really had a relationship. That first night in the cottage with Mark kissing his neck from behind as he pressed his hardness into the fleshy part of Jay's ass though his jeans, sucking his ear lobes and breathing the heat from his body into Jay's hair was the beginning.
Jay remembered everything from that night; despite the fact he'd defiantly had way more to drink then his usual three-beer maximum. He remembered the feel of Mark's chest under his hands as he removed his shirt and the way it felt to kiss his chest, tracing a path down to his hardness where it was almost bursting out of Mark's jeans.
Thinking of the way Marks hard shaft had rubbed against him, the pre-cum slowly trickling between them, mixing with his own and making the two of them slippery against each other, he felt a pang of jealousy in his chest.
As the light came on in the living room window, Jay snapped out of his reverie of memories and strained to see who was there tonight. Was Mark alone or did he have a guest tonight again? Was it the same guy he'd seen there all week, the one he was sure had stolen Mark's love from him? It was his own fault, he knew, but that didn't make it any different to him now.
Now that he'd finally made the decision to tell Mark how he felt, what he'd concluded during his time away, how much he missed him. Jay was determined that no matter what, even if Mark had moved on, he had to tell him. Mark deserved to know and Jay couldn't live one more day without telling him, even if it meant he had lost him already.
Jay had to see him, had to look upon Mark's face with it's chiseled cheek bones, the soft full lips disrupted by the hard looking chin and well kept goatee Mark insisted made him look dignified rather then the ruffian look that Jay felt was only amplified.
He loved that goatee now as much as Mark did. Loved the way it teased him as Mark took his hardness into his mouth and sucked. The way it's narrowed peak tickled at the puckered sensitive skin of his ass, the tightness of his balls and scrotum, with each motion of Mark's head.
Not that it was the only reason of course, Jay loved it mainly because Mark delighted in it so much, took such good care of it and kept it trimmed and tidy. And it really did look good on him, much to Jay's chagrin.
Before Mark, Jay had never been with someone who had facial hair. He just hadn't liked it, didn't like hair anywhere in fact. Jay preferred his partners' clean-shaven, like he kept himself, both on the face and the genital area. Smooth skin just seemed so much more enticing, attractive and clean to Jay, but Mark loved that damn goatee, refused to part with it no matter how much Jay begged him and eventually it just grew on them both...literally.
Mark had remained insistent about it over the years, but graciously conceded to the removal of hair at the base of his cock, and around his balls. Jay figured the later was probably the best he was going to get so finally he left it alone, and just appreciated Mark's consideration of even compromising at all to Jay's benefit.
Watching the window closely now, Jay saw Mark walk to his computer desk, sit and begin typing an unknown correspondence to an unknown recipient. He continued to watch, keeping an eye on the area he could see by the doorway to the living room, hoping to find out if Mark was alone or not.
After a short while Jay decided he was fairly confident no one else was in the cottage tonight, good.
Taking a deep breath Jay stepped out of the shadows and into the light spilling from the house, expecting Mark would notice right away the figure on the lawn. When Mark didn't, Jay figured whatever he was writing had his full attention and certainly must be important if he was that engrossed.
Jay made his way up the flat rock path through the grass, remembering the day they put these in. It had been hot, humid, and not unusual for a July day. They'd gotten in Mark's truck, after deciding they wanted the flat rocks as part of the landscaping down the yard to the tree line and the path beyond, gone to the quarry and picked out each piece by hand.
