CHAPTER 18: MOMENTS DEFINED
IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE BREAKUP (RYAN'S POV)
The sound of the rain grew louder as I watched him walk away. My heart broke with every step he took. Marcus was special. I knew that the first time I laid eyes on him, it was in the sweltering heat of the Boston Common. He didn't see me, but I saw him.
I can still remember the way his ass bounced and how the sun just illuminated his skin. He was so in his zone that he didn't even notice my drooling over him. I had sworn to myself after my relationship with Tanner ended that I was not gonna rush into anything with anyone. I was just going to sleep around. I was far too young and hot to be bound by the strains of love and relationships.
It's funny how you think one way while the universe has vastly different plans for you. It became abundantly clear that there were other plans for me when I kept seeing Marcus in the park. I didn't care what time I showed up to run; he was there as well. It was like he was taunting me with his perfect body and flawless skin. He was there, and I liked the fact that he was there. I wanted to know him, get his name, and be friends, at least.
For two weeks, my chocolate mystery guy kept me in a state of suspended animation. I couldn't do anything but think about him, and I didn't even know him. Then it happened! We crossed paths, and I was directly in his line of sight. I told myself to play it cool and just look straight ahead. I felt his eyes on me. He was looking at me, and then CRASH! Our worlds collided, and we fucked. He knew my body, and I knew his body. We became inseparable fast. So much so that I brought him home to meet my family, and he fucked my older brother, Cameron. Then I fucked my older brother!
"Ryan," Cameron called out to me, breaking me from my stroll down memory lane.
"What?" I shouted. I was angry. Cameron had ruined it all. Marcus wanted us both, and I was okay with that. I had or have complicated feelings for Cameron. I was in love with him growing up. I knew I shouldn't have been, but I couldn't help myself.
"Why are you being stupid? You just let him leave without you. I gave him to you," he yelled as he pushed me.
I pushed him back, "I'm stupid? You fucked this up. He's in love with us both. All or nothing was the agreement, and for the record, you don't have to give him to me. I've always had him. He may have been smitten with your dark energy, but I'm his center, Cam."
Cameron challenged my thoughts, "Then why are you here, and he's gone? Marcus is his own center. He's his own sun, and the men in his life just orbit him. Stringing us along as two moving pieces he can have at the same time is fucked up."
I argued back, "He knew the truth. He knows that I have feelings for you, and you have them for me as well."
Cameron's rage came out, "Listen at you. You have to get control of yourself. We are not our fathers!"
"There it is," I said as I squared off with him, "You don't deny I'm right. You're just afraid of being them. They have you in such a fucking chokehold, Cameron, that you're afraid to live your life authentically. You'd rather be alone and miserable than to take the risk. Who knows...you may just be better than those who came before us."
"Are you fuckin' Dr. Phil," he mocked, "you been having tea with Oprah? No? This is Joe Biden's liberal agenda at work, right?"
"You can mock my political beliefs. You can mock my ideology, but what you can't mock is the truth. So admit it! You're a queer incest-loving fag like the rest of us!" I said it so loud and proudly.
Even in the rain, I could see the color drain from Cameron's face. My big brother didn't like being called out on his shit. In 0.2 seconds, his eyes went dark and swung at me. I knew it was coming. I was prepared, and I moved fast.
He hit the air and almost tripped over himself. He stumbled a couple of feet in my direction. I didn't want him to fall, so I tried to help him balance. He pushed me away.
"Fuck off, Ry," he said aggressively.
He walked away from me. Everything had been ruined. We were all completely undone. My relationship with Cameron was back on the rocks, and Marcus was gone. Then there were my issues with my dad. I couldn't even begin to process that baggage.
**
I made it back to the house after standing in the rain for hours. My heart was in my feet. I felt broken and dejected. So many strides in the right direction were suddenly gone, and I was back at square one. All my selfless acts, growth, and maturity meant nothing.
Marcus's car was gone. Cameron's truck was outside. To my surprise, though, Tanner was standing on the front porch. His eyes were searching and wandering about, looking for something or someone. Then they landed on me, and he lit up. He was searching for me. I was someone's hope for tomorrow, and it made me feel good, but not in the way Marcus made me feel.
Our eyes met in the rain. He smiled and waved at me. His whole heart was in that wave. I realized then that Tanner had feelings for me. He was my high school sweetheart. My first of many things, but we always downplayed what we meant to one another. Even after the threesome we had with Marcus and the sex we had after learning about Marcus and Cameron, we just pretended that we were fucking for the fun and release of it.
He stepped off the porch and into the rain. The way the water dripped from his body made him look good. Tanner had always been a catch--my best bud who helped me explore my sexuality.
We were adorable jocks-boy next door, all-American images with a deep appreciation for cock. Maybe he was the one for me. He was still here, and he wasn't even remotely interested in Cameron.
We met halfway. He cast his soft eyes on me. I wanted my heart to feel anything other than the hurt I was currently experiencing. He reached his hand out and touched mine. For a moment, I felt a reprieve from all the hurt.
He said, "I'm here for you. Whatever you need, I got you, Ry."
It was a simple phrase, but it was effective at letting me know he had my back. That opened up some sort of connection between us. The next thing I knew, I was in his arms in a strong embrace, letting out all these tears I never knew needed to be released from my eyes and heart.
I lifted my head from his chest. He looked at me in such a way that it made everything feel calm and at ease. He pulled my face close to him, and our lips touched. It was an effortless kiss that filled the empty section of my lonely heart.
SIX MONTHS LATER
The months had been passing by almost at a snail's pace. I had tried everything under the sun to get Marcus out of my system, but nothing seemed to be working. Everywhere I turned, there was something that reminded me of him. The biggest reminder was Cameron. He hasn't done much healing since the break-up. He wasn't drinking, but he also wasn't processing anything like he said he would.
Tanner had planted himself in my life over the last six months. His intentions were clear. He wanted a relationship, and even though I enjoyed his companionship and light-hearted conversations, I couldn't feel the spark I needed. I was trying to force it, but it just wasn't happening, and I wanted more than anything to let go of my past with Marcus.
The atmosphere was perfect for romance. I was in the den with Tanner. We were alone and enjoying each other's company. All the feels were just right. We were snuggled up together, watching a movie. I could feel it each time he stole a glance at me.
He turned my face toward him, and then he kissed me. It was super sensual. His tongue invaded my mouth like a snake in search of its prey. His lips rubbed against mine. My body reacted with positive energy. I kissed him back like he was the best man for me. I wanted to be the best man for him.
He pulled me into his lap. My hips began to move in a circular motion. I rocked back and forth on his hardened cock. Tanner had been so patient, and I knew he wanted to finally fuck me again. His hands ended up on my back, and they slowly moved down my body. Just as he palmed my ass, I opened my eyes, and all I could see was Marcus.
