Brothers and Friends

Having an identical twin means, among other things, always having a topic for conversation. If I'm talking to someone at a party, and the conversation starts to flag, all I have to do is mention my twin brother and off we go. People are fascinated; they want to know if we still dress alike (not any more, we're 35 now), if people still mistake us for one another (ALL the time), if we're like those twins who make up their own language (no).

If the questioners have had a few drinks, they'll sometimes ask whether we've ever secretly subbed for each other with our girlfriends. The answer to that is yes. We did it a couple of times when we were teenagers and a couple of more times in college. Yes, it was hot. But no, we have never tried it with our spouses, because even identical twins are different enough that a spouse is likely to notice.

One thing these party people rarely work up the nerve to ask about is sexual orientation. Is it always the same in twins -- both straight, both gay, both bisexual -- or can one swing one way and the other another?

That one I wouldn't know how to answer, because with twins, as with everyone else, sexual orientation can be complicated.

Lots of guys, for example, learn how to masturbate from or with other guys and have at least a few same-sex experiences as teenagers or in college, though they leave all that behind when they get married and have families. And I have read somewhere that up to 10 percent of otherwise straight men occasionally have sex with other men.

In Sam's and my case, we did learn to masturbate together, and did it many times in our teen years. But once we started having regular straight sex we both kind of forgot about it.

Well, not totally. I had fantasies about jacking off with Sam from time to time, and I'd be surprised if he didn't do the same. But I never acted out those fantasies, with Sam or anyone else, and he didn't either.

Or so I thought.

****

Shortly after we turned 30 Sam told me he was separating from his wife. I was not surprised: they had always bickered a lot and she eventually developed a drinking problem serious enough that he was able to get custody of their two kids. It wasn't easy for him to manage everything, but he did pretty well with the help of family members. He seemed lonely, though, because the women he dated usually drifted away when they found out he is a single dad.

Then, about six months ago, he asked me to meet him for a drink. He seemed nervous when we met, and he drank two doubles before he came to the point: He'd started hooking up with guys.

I was floored. I'd never had any reason to suspect that he might be gay; our youthful experimentation seemed just that, experimental. And since I hadn't followed up on it I guess I assumed he hadn't either.

But over the next hour or so Sam told me he had had many encounters in college, including several with a guy named Dave, who I knew pretty well but never would have thought gay. He kept seeing guys after graduation but finally gave it up when he got married. He had been faithful to his wife, he said, but now that she was out of his life he was going to do what felt right.

For a long time after he told me this I didn't say anything, but just kept staring at my drink.

"When you say you hook up with guys," I finally managed to say, "what exactly do you mean? I mean, what do you do?"

"Pretty much everything," he said.

"Fucking, too?"

"Yes," he said.

Another long silence followed.

"So, are you gay?"

"I don't know," he said. "I mean, I'm still attracted to women, and I've had great sex with a couple since the divorce. But I definitely like having sex with guys again, too."

"Are these total strangers? Is there a chance you could get some disease?"

"Some have been Craigslist hookups, and it's always safe sex with them. But there's a guy I work with I've seen several times, and we've become sort of friends with benefits, and sometime we just bareback it."

"Is the guy gay?"

"No, he's married, too."

"Does anyone know this besides me?"

"No. And I don't want anybody to know until I figure things out for myself."

"So why are you telling me?"

"Because you're my twin brother and I love you and I want to be truthful with you. And I want you not to hate me."

"Of course I don't hate you," I said. "I love you and always will. You are what you are. I'm just in a bit of shock here."

"That's OK," he said, smiling for the first time since we sat down. "I know it's not easy to hear."

I ordered another round of drinks and when they came I sat quietly for a time nursing mine.

"You sure you're OK about this?" Sam asked.

"Sure, I guess so," I said. "I'm trying to keep certain pictures out of my head, though."

Sam laughed.

"What, you can't stand the thought of your twin brother sucking a guy's dick?"

"Stop!" I said, covering my ears with my hands.

Sam grabbed my hands and pulled them away from my ears.

"Or getting fucked?"

"Not listening! Not listening!" I said

We were both laughing now.

But when a couple of people in the bar turned to look at us, we grew quiet again. I found myself getting curious.

"So what's it like?" I asked.

"What's what like?"

"Having sex with a guy."

Sam raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, ho!" he mocked. "So now you're interested."

I felt my face reddening.

"Fuck off," I said. "It's just a question."

But it was more than a question. Ever since Sam had mentioned sucking and fucking, I'd felt a certain tightness in my jeans. Much against my will, I was getting a little turned on.

"Well, for one thing," Sam said. "there is no woman in the world who can give a blow job better than a guy can. A guy knows what a guy likes."

An image came to my mind of Dave on his knees with Sam's cock in his mouth, and then another of Sam on his back getting fucked by his new work friend. I could feel my dick stiffening, and I had to reach under the table to adjust myself.

Sam noticed.

"See?" he said. "The idea of having sex with guys isn't so horrible if you allow yourself to think about it."

I tried to think of something to say to cover myself, but nothing came to mind.

"Look, Steve," he said. "I'm saying all this not to torture you, but to give you an idea of what it's like to have these feelings. You can't fight them, can't make them go away. They are just there, and you have to deal with them. I have to deal with them, at least. I've had to deal with them ever since..."

He stopped and looked away. His face was red.

"Ever since what?" I asked.

He looked at me, clearly reluctant to speak further. But finally he did.

"Ever since we were teenagers jerking off together."

Now I was shocked for a second time.

"You mean I'm the one who got you hooked on guys?"

"Is that so surprising?" he asked. "If I hadn't had a brother, I would have started jacking off with someone. It just happened I had a brother right at hand."

The unintended pun made us both laugh again, and the tension dissipated.

"I gotta go," he said, "but one more thing before I do. Let me know if you want to join in sometime."

My jaw dropped.

"Are you kidding?" I asked. "I'm a married man."

"So is Ed," Sam said. "So was I, until recently."

"The hell, man," I said. "Not interested."

"Ok, Steve," he said, standing up. "Sorry I even mentioned it."

He leaned over, gave me a hug, and was gone.

****

The next several days were torture. I had told Sam I wasn't interested in joining him and his friend, but I could not drive the thought from my mind. I found myself wondering what Ed looked like and how he was hung, of him and Sam together. I thought again of jacking off with Sam all those years ago, how much I'd liked seeing him cum, and remembered how badly I had wanted to touch him.

I tried to think instead about my wife, who has a lovely body even at 35, and of other women I had fucked before our marriage, and while this worked for a time the other thoughts always came back.

Needless to say all these thoughts were giving me frequent hardons, and I was jacking off far more than normal. Why my wife didn't notice I'll never know, because I sneaked off at least half a dozen times the first week to wank in the bathroom, and once I even furtively jacked off in bed while she was asleep. I jacked off twice in the bathroom at work -- taking an incredible risk, I knew -- and at least once in the parking lot.

I had never watched a lot of porn, but I found myself cruising gay sites looking for blow job videos, which of course are about as hard to find as clouds in the sky. Once when my wife was out with the kids I got on a webchat site, where I was astonished to find so many guys -- married guys -- stroking themselves for other men to see. Of course I tried it myself.

"This is ridiculous," I thought as I wiped the cum off my hands. "What the fuck is wrong with me?"

But the more I thought about it, the more I thought Sam was right.

"There's nothing wrong with me," I finally decided. "I'm just fucking horny, is all. And sex is sex."

Two days later I picked up the phone and called Sam.

"Hey," I said. "I...um...well..."

"You want to try it, right?"

"Well...yes."

"Okay, then. My kids are staying at Mom and Dad's this weekend, and Ed's coming over during the afternoon. Think you can get away? Maybe tell Sheila you're coming here to watch a football game?"

"Football season's over."

"Right, yeah. Well, I'm sure you can think of something. Around 2."

"Ok," I said. "See you then."

Needless to say, the next few days were tumultuous ones emotionally. One minute I was terrified of what I had committed to, the next minute wracked with guilt about cheating on my wife, the next minute excited and eager. Sometimes I couldn't wait for Saturday to arrive, sometimes I dreaded its coming. But my dick had no doubts whatsoever; it seemed like I was hard or half-hard round the clock, and I beat off seven times in three days.

Finally Saturday came. I told my wife I was going to Sam's for a while to watch a basketball game.

"Ok, hon," she said, giving me a peck on the cheek and smiling at me as I went out the door.

I felt like shit.

But as I neared Sam's house my mood changed dramatically. I felt queasy. When I pulled into the driveway and took my hands off the steering wheel, they were shaking. When I stepped onto the porch, my heart started thumping. I badly wanted a drink or something to calm my nerves.

"Hey," Sam said as he opened the door. "Come on in, have something to drink. Ed'll be here in a minute or two."

He looked at me.

"Nervous?"

"Shit, yes," I said.

He went to the kitchen, poured me three fingers of vodka and said, "This should make you feel better."

I drank it, took a few deep breaths and started to feel a bit more like myself.

"Relax," Sam said, pouring me another drink -- just one finger this time.

A knock. Sam got up and opened the door.

Ed was tall, red-haired, good-looking in an everyday kind of way, fairly fit with maybe a hint of middle-aged belly. He reached for my hand, giving me a broad smile, and said, "Wow, unless you've got a mole someplace Sam doesn't, I'd never be able to tell you two apart."

I laughed at that, in spite of my nervousness, and tried to smile back at him.

"I know just where to look, too," he added.

He and Sam laughed at that one, but it took me a couple of beats to catch up with them. But the laugh died in my throat when Ed gathered Sam in his arms and gave him a serious kiss.

Now I don't know why, during all my fantasizing about this day over the past week or so, it had never occurred to me that kissing might be involved. Sucking and fucking, yes, I could imagine that. But kissing a guy? No. Looking back on it later, I would realize how stupid and illogical this way, but there you go.

For now, the look on my face must have told Sam and Ed that I wasn't ready for kissing.

"Steve's a little nervous," Sam said, although it must have been pretty obvious.

"It's OK," Ed said, and there was real kindness in his voice. "You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. It took me time to get used to some things, too."

He went into the kitchen, where I could hear him pouring drinks for himself and Sam. Meanwhile I had followed Sam into the living room, where he got out a porn DVD and turned on the big flat-screen that dominated the room. Sam fast-forwarded to what apparently was his favorite scene, which began with two naked guys necking on a beach.

I sat in a big chair on one side of the room, and Sam plopped down on the couch facing the screen. When Ed came in with the drinks he handed one to Sam and plopped down next to him. They both took long drinks; Ed took Sam's empty glass back and put it with his on the table. Then he leaned back, threw his left leg over Sam's right and let his hand fall into Sam's lap. Sam responded by leaning to his right and kissing Ed on the neck.

I turned away for a moment to watch the video. One guy lay back with his legs spread, and the other was licking his balls. As I watched he moved his head slowly upward, licking the base of the other guy's cock and then making long steady strokes with his tongue from the base to the tip, which was now glistening with precum. I felt myself getting hard, and I had to reach into my pants to rearrange things enough to be comfortable again.

When I looked their way again Ed and Sam were locked in another kiss, and Ed was rubbing his crotch against Sam's leg. Both had visible bulges in their pants.

Sam shifted onto to his back, and Ed climbed on top. They ground their cocks together for a minute, still kissing, and then Ed sat up, straddling Sam's legs. He sat up, pulled off his shirt, unbuckled his belt, undid the button of his jeans and lowered the zipper. The head of his cock was poking out of the top of his underwear, a sight that made my cock twitch.

Ed pulled at Sam's shirt, and Sam rose enough for Ed to pull it over his head. Then he undid his own belt and zipper, and next thing I knew his cock was in Ed's hand. My cock jumped again, and almost without thinking about it I slid my hand in to grasp it.

Ed let go of Sam's cock, stood up and, with Sam's eager help, stripped off his pants and briefs. His cock was not huge, but it was thick, nicely shaped, and surrounded by a tuft of straight reddish hair. He wasn't totally hard, but he was getting there fast.

In the next second it disappeared into Sam's mouth. Sam wasn't just sucking that cock; he had damn near swallowed it. Ed put his hands on either side of Sam's head, and as Sam went to work I swear Ed's eyes rolled back in his head.

I looked again at the video; the two guys were now in 69 position, vigorously sucking each other. When I turned back to the couch, Sam was on his back, his pants around his ankles, and Ed's head was bobbing in his crotch.

I was wild with lust, as turned on as any other time in my life. I had undone my belt and unzipped my fly and was pumping my cock inside my underwear.

When I looked up again, Ed and Sam were watching me, Ed's head still poised over Sam's cock. They looked briefly at each other. Ed stood up, walked over to my chair, his cock pointing straight at me. He lowered himself to his knees, reached for the waist of my jeans and started pulling at them. I raised my hips, and in one smooth practiced move they were off. Two seconds more and my underwear followed.

My cock was steel-hard, painfully hard. A thin stream of precum dangled from the tip. Ed looked at it for a moment and said, "You really are exactly alike."

Next thing I knew I was in his mouth. It was the most the most intense, the most wicked, the most glorious feeling ever. I had been sucked by several women, and my wife was unusually good at it, but it had never felt like this. No woman had ever taken me this deeply, no woman had stroked me so skillfully to complement the sucking, no woman's tongue had ever swirled so lovingly around the head.

In less than a minute I was ready to come. I could feel myself swelling in Ed's mouth, felt the familiar tingling at the root of my cock. Ed noticed it, and tugged at my balls to slow me down, but there was no stopping it now.

I put my hands on his head, pulled gently to warn him, but he reached up with his free hand and pushed my hands away. He slowed the stroking to an agonizing pace, and repositioned his head so he could take me in still deeper.

Only now did I realize that Sam was standing next to the chair, totally naked now, rapidly stroking his own cock. He watched eagerly as Sam sucked me, and soon he was leaning in with his cock just inches from Ed's bobbing head. His balls had begun to contract; he was about to blow, too.

When I came it was with a bang; it was as if the accumulated tension of years had finally broken in one ecstatic wave of feeling. I actually shouted. The cum didn't shoot out of my dick in separate jets; it pulsed and poured, and though I couldn't see it I knew it was a huge amount for me.

At virtually the same moment, with a shout nearly as loud, Sam started spewing cum. Big gobs of it splashed onto my chest and stomach, and one big drop hit me in the chin.

I was still spewing the last of mine. Ed didn't swallow it at first; he lifted his head, showed me the thick whitish coating on his tongue, and only then closed his mouth to swallow.

Now it was his turn. I expected Sam to go down on him, but instead Sam got down on all fours in front of the TV, which none of us were watching now. Ed kneeled behind Sam and plunged his tongue into his ass. This, too, was something I hadn't expected, but Sam was clearly enjoying it, making little moaning sounds every time Ed's tongue went in.

Ed stopped briefly, opened a drawer in the coffee table and brought out a tube of lube.

"Put some on me?" he asked.

Uncertainly I took the tube from him and squeezed a dollop into my hand.

"More," he said.

I put another gob with the first. Ed meanwhile had straightened up so that his cock, a wild raging purple, was in my reach.

I put the hand without the lube on his cock -- the first time in my life I had touched anyone's cock but my own. It felt wonderful. I squeezed it gently, stroked it, felt the throbbing within. I let it go briefly and caressed his balls. He moaned a little and said impatiently, "Come on."

I grasped him now in the lube-filled hand, spread it around, a little clumsily, I think. Ed wiped off a bit and spread it around Sam's hole. He moved slightly, placed his dick against the pinkish hole in my twin brother's ass, and pushed it in.

Sam gasped, a sound that mingled both pleasure and pain. Ed stopped for a second, let Sam adjust to him, and then started a long, slow stroke, shallow at first, but rapidly getting deeper. Sam pushed back against him, and Ed shifted for a better angle. Soon they were moving together, and animal sounds came from both their throats.

I felt myself getting hard again, and noticed that Sam was, too. I moved next to him, catching Ed's eye as he did. He smiled wickedly as I positioned myself for a better look at Sam's cock. Ed had reached around and grabbed it, but Sam pushed his hand aside and started jacking himself.

Ed came first, with a series of incredibly rapid final thrusts ending in a great gasping shudder. Sam came next, almost sobbing as two or three thick gobs of cum spurted into his hand. When he was finished he reached behind him, and Ed started licking the cum off his fingers. After three licks he leaned close and kissed me. I was stunned at first but not unwilling, even as I realized that my brother's cum was still on his lips.

When Ed pulled his dick out of Sam's ass, I noticed with surprise that he was still quite hard. I grasped it, still slippery with cum and lube. He turned so that I could jack him from behind, at the same time pushing his ass against my cock.