I was against my office switching to an open floor plan from the very beginning, and I let everyone know it.
I hit "reply-all" on every email Sandra from HR (whose bright idea the open floor plan was) sent asking for our opinions on the switch. At meetings, I argued passionately against it until I was told to shut up and sit down. Sandra always got up to wave my complaints away, arguing that the new floor plan would be worth any minor inconveniences it might cause, since it would make us get to know the people we don't directly work with and, in doing so, foster cooperation among different teams. I thought that sounded fucking awful, and didn't hesitate to let everyone know it.
Despite my best efforts, management moved ahead with the new floor plan, and I eventually found myself standing outside the office on a Monday morning, surrounded by a crowd of my coworkers, waiting for them to reveal the new space.
"All right!" Sandra chirped from the front of the crowd, next to the doors. "We will open the doors in just a minute, but first, turn and find someone you don't know. Say hello, and tell them one thing you're excited about right now."
Grudgingly, I turned. Behind me was a guy I'd seen around the office, but never really spoken to. He worked in graphic design or marketing or something, one of the teams that didn't really interact with my team of app developers. Our eyes met, and I stepped closer.
"Hello," he said flatly. "I'm Alex. I am excited to go home." With the dark circles under his eyes and stubble across his face, he looked like he hadn't slept in days.
His attitude made me warm to him. "Hi Alex. I'm Liam. I am excited to see this open floor plan idea fail spectacularly."
His eyes showed a spark of recognition. "Hey, aren't you that guy who's really mad about it? Who sends out the mass emails?"
"Yeah. That's me," I said hesitantly, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed. My reputation preceded me.
He held out a fist, which I bumped. "Totally agree with you, man. Keep on speaking the truth."
Before I could think of a response, Sandra clapped, and the crowd quieted. "Thank you!" she shouted. "To kick-start our plan for inter-team cooperation, you and the person you are now talking with will sit together for the rest of the week. Each week, for the next three months, you will choose someone new to sit with. I hope that soon, all our teams will be effortlessly working as one BIG team!"
Irked chatter broke out. Sandra had to shout over the crowd to be heard. "Who's ready to tour the new space?" In response, the crowd started shifting towards the door, still muttering among themselves.
"This is bullshit," Alex muttered as we filed into the building. He paused and looked me up and down, so swiftly that I barely noticed. "Though I don't mind being paired with you specifically," he amended.
I hesitated, not sure what his comment meant. Was he flirting? I took him in, briefly. He was wearing nice clothes, but they were a little rumpled, like he'd pulled them out of the dirty laundry. His fitted jeans hugged muscular thighs and a nice butt. I blinked rapidly and looked away. He was a coworker. I needed to keep things professional. He was hot, though. "Same to you," I said, trying to echo whatever sentiment he was expressing.
Alex and I kept up a steady stream of complaints as we toured the office. It was easy, since the open floor plan was every bit as bad as I'd expected. Our cubicles had been replaced with a set of long, wooden tables that had no dividers to keep you from making awkward eye contact with the person seated across from you. Each table had a strip of outlets running down the middle, in an off-white color I knew would get filthy before the end of the week. The chairs were fashionable but not at all ergonomic. And, of course, there was zero privacy.
"I hate this," I stated to Alex. "Anyone can see your screen. Your boss could just walk up behind you to see if you're slacking."
