Chapter Thirty-Eight -- The Power Of Long Letters
Jonathan had felt utterly alone before. It shouldn't have registered as something new and never experienced, and yet, it didn't fit. Time and time again, he reached for his phone, the need to call someone too great. But each time, through sheer willpower, he pulled his hand back and lay on the bed, his eyes on the ceiling.
Maddox didn't want to listen to him. He could insist, go on and on about the same thing, or send texts that would be left unread. Too bad there was so much technology involved; before, when someone sent a letter, at least there was some uncertainty involved. Whether the letter was left unread or not was left to fate alone, and the sender didn't have to wallow in despair while looking at a shiny screen and agonizing over the moment when they would be notified that their message had been read.
He got up from the bed, as the idea hit him. Who said he couldn't write a letter just like in olden times? Jonathan liked to think that his handwriting was readable enough, and that Maddox might get slightly curious at one point and open the letter that was destined for his eyes only. Invigorated by this new idea, he sat at the desk and grabbed his pen. What was he going to write now? Should he start with a perfunctory 'Dear Maddox'?
***
"Why are you sitting there like there's fire underneath your ass?"
"None of your business," Maddox mumbled and stopped himself with great difficulty from checking his phone for any signs of life and, of course, for the time. Ray had said that Jonathan would return on Sunday evening, but who was to say if he was already back or not? He fiddled with his phone anyway.
Kane plopped down on the sofa, obviously determined not to let it drop. "Come on, what's going on?"
"I'm waiting for Jonathan," Maddox said under his breath.
"Is he coming over?" Kane asked patiently.
Maddox felt like bursting. After stumbling over that confession, he had felt restless and happy, but as the hours dragged by, even with all the mandatory studying and the equally mandatory goofing around with Rusty, he still felt as if time stood still. And with that, a new feeling, one that he hadn't experienced a lot in his life, came. He was uncertain. What was Jonathan doing all alone, his phone turned off? What if he changed his mind and decided during this alone-time that he no longer wanted anything to do with him?
"No," he replied with some difficulty.
"Then why are you waiting for him here?" Kane asked in the same old and wise manner that usually got on Maddox's nerves.
This time, his friend's logic hit home. "Right," he said brightly. "Kane, you're a fucking genius." He jumped to his feet. "I'm going to wait for him by his dorm."
"Hold on," Kane said and caught his arm. "Rusty is tight-lipped as hell, and you're not saying a thing. What's going on? First, you say Jonathan loves you, and then you're getting all antsy like this, which, by the way, is nothing like you."
Maddox considered for a moment. Kane would get it; he was the kind who wished to get married even before finishing college, so he was, supposedly, to some degree, the romantic type. So, he reached inside his pocket and took out the note that was now a bit frayed at the edges.
Kane took it with a slight frown, read it, and then grinned. "Wow. Did he write it?"
"Yeah," Maddox said.
"Shit, man," Kane said and shook his head while leaning back on the sofa. "Coming from an icicle like Jonathan, this is huge stuff."
"I know," Maddox said and grabbed the note back. "But he left for the weekend and turned off his phone, so I have no idea when he's coming back and, you know." He threw his arms in the air in an exasperated gesture.
"I get it," Kane said and nodded in sympathy. "Well, seeing how the finals are starting tomorrow, I bet that Jonathan, who's all for perfect grades, will be back at a reasonable hour tonight. Just go and wait for him in front of his dorm. But first, check to see if he turned his phone back on."
Maddox smiled. Now that was good advice. "Not yet," he said after checking his phone briefly.
"Then, no more waiting around here, lover boy," Kane said with a grin. "Just go meet up with him. I bet he's going to be all crazy about seeing you. In his very subdued, gentleman-like manner, of course. He will probably let out a slight 'yay'," he added and made a small victory gesture with one hand.
Maddox didn't need any more encouragement. He also had another idea. When Jonathan was going to turn his phone back on, he was going to see his message first. He began typing as he walked out the door.
***
Jonathan wasn't surprised at the chime of incoming messages the moment he turned on his phone. He smiled at Ray's emojis that signaled that his bestie was very, very hungry in his absence, and his heart skipped a beat at seeing another message, this time from Maddox.
As some songs say, I've been a fool. I just want to say this. I found your note. And I feel just the same. And now, I'm hanging out in front of your dorm, wishing I wasn't stupid. It was just... well, I guess I went a bit nuts seeing you with another guy even if it wasn't anything like that. So, can you forgive me? I promise I'll work hard for that 'yes'.
Jonathan slowed down. Could Maddox be talking about that note? It had to be, although that was something Maddox was supposed to find a lot later. A smile stretched his entire face to the point of hurting. He was about to start running toward the dorm, when his phone chimed with another incoming message. He opened it without checking the sender, and his feet came to a screeching halt.
Knock, knock, Hamilton... don't bother checking from whom this is. It looks like your pristine reputation is anything but. Guess what's about to drop on Xpress next. Not necessarily. It's up to you.
He recognized the video from the first frames and closed it quickly. The air was rushing in and out of his lungs, making him dizzy. Another message came.
We're generous. We'll let you get through your finals, but after, transfer back to the gilded hole you crawled from. That is if you don't want us to show the entire Sunny Hill just who you truly are. Question: were both of you high while shooting this little clip, or did you just hide it very well? It doesn't matter. If you dare to come back to Sunny Hill after winter break, Santa is going to bring you a belated gift. You know, the kind fit for naughty kids.
PS. Think of Maddox. Do you really want him to see you with another man's cock in your mouth? (There's no actual timestamp, so...)
This couldn't be. Jonathan forced himself to breathe. He sat down where he was on the sidewalk and caught his head in his hands, while anger, guilt, and despair coursed through him, breaking him in pieces. One mistake was all it took, didn't it? One mistake and he was done for. He pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes and let out a low groan. It was already late. No one else was there, and if they were, they would think he was mad.
He had run away in the hope that the past would have too short legs to catch up with him. What a false hope! The past always caught up with you, no matter who you were. In this age of shared information, how could he truly hope that the past would stay buried?
What was he going to do? Was he going to wait and face the same treatment? All the looks, the sneers, the laughter, but multiplied to fit the world of Sunny Hill, a lot bigger than his old school? How was he going to live through that? Just imagining it left him heaving and gasping for air.
And yes, there was also Maddox. Maddox, who did love him and was also very jealous. No, he could be convinced that it was an old thing, right? Jonathan rocked his body gently, trying to fit inside his mind all the possibilities, all the hurt that came with something like that, and realized that he couldn't, not by a long shot.
It took him several minutes to push himself up to his feet and drag himself toward the dorm. Was it Connor who was doing all this? Xpress was just a gossip rag, but this? This was personal, not just something for the fun of it. Someone was out to hurt him, and Jonathan could think of no one else but Connor, Connor who must have felt deeply insulted the last time they talked.
"Jonathan?"
He was startled by the sudden calling of his name and stared around, completely disoriented.
"Hey, are you all right?" Maddox walked toward him, looking rightfully worried.
