The entire drive home I tried to convince myself that it was because I was under the influence and it wasn't what I wanted. I never thought about sucking cock but yet I did. I loved girls but yet I enjoyed pleasing that stranger. Being on my knees with no control actually turned me on. That night I shot the biggest load when I masturbated thinking about sucking cock.
Once I got back to college things became more normal. I was constantly around sexy girls with tight leggings and low hanging shirts. It was almost like that night never happened. Almost never happened is not never happened. Occasionally I would have flashbacks about his dick and him using my mouth for his pleasure. Every single time making me horny and wanting more.
This continued throughout college. I even stopped at an adult video store a few times hoping I could find another stranger to suck. Each of these trips resulted in me convincing myself I didn't want it and getting out before I did something I'd regret. Except the only regret was not sucking.
Once I graduated and moved out on my own I started to these flashbacks more often. Each flashback resulted in me going on the internet. From Literotica I would always end up jerking off to a guy cumming on a girl's face or a girl giving a blowjob to a big dick stud. I even started posting on Craigslist.
The Craigslist posts led to a few meetings, picture trading, and sexting but I never went through with it. Every single time I told myself that it was because I wasn't gay and that I loved girls. Yet I kept doing it. Almost an addiction. It was like I was enjoying getting off on being a tease to these guys.
One of these occasions was different. I posted an ad about wanting to suck a guy to completion. I would always say I never sucked because I noticed more guys would respond when they thought they would be the first to use my mouth.
I got a response from a well endowed older man telling me exactly what he wanted. He seemed perfect. We traded pics and sent a few dirty text messages. Eventually he was over the tease and wanted to come over. Normally I would meet in public or their house so I could escape but I gave him my address to meet me. He was coming over that night.
I felt very uncomfortable all day knowing that this gentleman was coming over but I was extremely horny. I tried to drink a few beers to relax my nerves but that wasn't helping. By the time he came over I was pretty drunk and I was not wanting to suck him off. He knocked on my door and called me but I never answered. I sat on the other side of the door wishing that he would go away. After what seemed like an hour of him waiting he finally left. Before he drove away he sent me one last text message: "next time you play with someone you won't get so lucky."
That text message created so many emotions. Scared, nervous, threatened, and, shockingly, horny. I was nervous I would run into him but at the same time I wanted to run into him. Unfortunately, it never happened. It wasn't until I moved halfway across the country that I ended not being so lucky.
