Heaven on Earth

“Evan Thomas Alexander! What are you doing?”

Shit. Shit. SHIT. My mother had come into my bedroom while Brian and I were in bed together. I had to think of something. Fast!

“Mom, I-I can explain this!” Yes, that was brilliant.

I don’t think she heard me. She kept shouting and screaming. “You’re in bed with a man! My God in Heaven! Why, Evan, why!?”

Brian didn’t say a word. Mom picked up her suitcase and stormed out of the room. I didn’t know that it would be the last time I saw her. As soon as she left, I got out of bed in an attempt to find some clothes to put on, but I heard the front door slam before I could even get some underwear on.

How on Earth did she get into my apartment? She and Uncle James had an extra key. Stupid. But I was supposed to pick them up at the train station at 1! What time was it? It wasn’t even 10 yet. I stood there petrified until Brian’s voice snapped me back to reality.

“Evan?”

“I’m dead,” I said, “this is the end of it all.”

“Evan, I know this looks bad, but don’t get melodramatic on me.”

I spun around angrily and glared at him. “Brian, you don’t understand. You don’t understand at all. She’s going to kill me. God, she gets so angry sometimes.”

He never took his eyes off me. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just don’t know what’s going to happen now.”

“Well, let’s be rational about it. She saw us in bed together, but you’re an adult, what can she do? Ground you?”

“Being rational about this requires dealing with a rational person, and my mother is far from rational. And she can do a lot more than ground me. This is going to get back to my uncle, and he’s the one that pays for this apartment. The only thing that I pay for is some of my personal expenses and loans cover my medical school tuition. If he cuts me off, and he most likely will, I’ll be out of a place to live.”

“Evan, you’ve got to calm down. Your uncle may not feel the same way as your mom.”

“It doesn’t matter, Brian. She pulls so many strings with him that one way or another she’ll convince him to do anything that she wants.”

“Baby, it’ll be alright. I’m sure you can work something out.”

“I don’t know, I just don’t know.” I tried taking a deep breath and counting to ten. “Shit!”

Brian walked over to me and pressed his naked body against mine. I wrapped my arms around him and let him hold me there. Everything had happened so fast. What was I going to do? Getting dressed was a start.

I pulled away from Brian and started pulling out some clothes. He put on his clothes from the night before and said, “I’m going to go down to my apartment and get some clothes. I’ll be right back.”

He left and by the time he got back, I still hadn’t settled down. He set about making some coffee as I sat at the bar in disbelief. Brian reached across from the kitchen and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I almost brushed him off, but I didn’t let my emotions get the better of me. I was angry, but I wasn’t angry at Brian. It would have been inexcusable to lash out at him. He still didn’t understand how serious this was though. His parents didn’t mind the fact that he was gay. It took me a minute to realize that he had put a cup of coffee beside my hand. I absent-mindedly sipped at it, ignoring it when it almost burned my tongue.

Brian poured his own cup and put some milk and sugar in. He left the kitchen and sat down beside me. I never looked up from my coffee, but I could tell that he was watching me as I sat there thinking.

“What a perfect way to end a perfect evening,” I sighed after a few minutes. Brian reached over and took my hand into his. I finally turned to look at him and met his warm gaze.

“Bri, this is going to change everything for me.”

He nodded silently. “It may change things for you, but it doesn’t have to change things for us.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’ve still got me. Even if your mom does something drastic, I’m going to do everything I can to help you. I’m sure the same goes for Erica, and Jane, and your sister. You haven’t lost everything.”

“But if I lose the apartment, where am I going to live? I’ve only got enough of my own savings to last me for a few months in a place like this.”

“You could apply for university housing,” he suggested.

I shook my head. “It’s so late that I’m sure they’re booked by now.”

“Well, I realize that it’s a bit soon, but if nothing else works out, you could move in with me.”

My tired eyes fixed on him, searching his face for any sign of hesitation. “You’re serious?” I asked.

“Yes, I am.”

I have to admit that the thought had crossed my mind, but not under these circumstances. My response was quick and definite. “I can’t do that, Bri. It doesn’t feel right for us to do that, not yet at least. I want to give it more time before we take that step.”

“I feel the same way, but desperate times call for desperate measures. The option is there if you need it.”

“I appreciate that more than you know.” I leaned in and kissed his lips, tasting the sweet mixture of toothpaste and coffee.

“We all love you, Evan, and that includes your mom.”

“Then I guess I should be ready for some tough love.”

The phone rang and I answered it.

“Hello?”

“Evan, it’s James.”

“Er, hi, Uncle James.”

“Your mother wanted me to tell you that she is too upset to speak with you right now. She also wants me to stop paying for your apartment, and due to your atrocious behavior, I’m inclined to agree.”

“Uncle James, please, can we—”

“You have until the week of August 1st to find a new place. Goodbye.”

That sounded so unlike my uncle. His tone was so cold and formal, everything that he had never been before. I had never talked to him about homosexuality before, but I guess I knew how he felt about it after that “conversation.” I turned to look back at Brian.

“What happened?” he asked.

“As predicted, they’re kicking me out.”

I looked down into my half-empty cup of coffee. Half-empty or half-full? On a day like today, it was half-empty.

“I don’t know what I can do or say to make you feel better,” Brian said.

“My mother and my uncle just disowned me, Bri. The most I can ask of you is that you simply be here.” My shoulders slumped as I took another sip of coffee. Brian put his arm around my shoulders, and then we just sat there.

***

Brian offered to go with me to the airport to pick up Mark, which was fine with me since I didn’t want to have to be away from him more than I had to. Even with the morning’s chaotic events, the passion from the night before still hadn’t died. It seemed like we couldn’t get enough of being around each other.

Brian circled the airport terminal in my Jeep while I went into the baggage claim area to pick up Mark. We were a little late, so he already had his bags when I spotted him. Having most recently seen little Joseph, I was amazed at how much the toddler looked like his father. Mark was average height, blond hair, and had that perpetually sleepy look that went perfectly with his warm smile. He had lost some weight since the last time I saw him, and that was not an easy task considering how thin he already was. We hugged for a moment, and then I led him outside.

Maria had already told Mark about Brian, and he didn’t care. Maria and I were always very close, so I have to admit that I was jealous of Mark at first. It felt like he was trying to take my sister away from me. After spending time around him, we developed a friendship of our own, independent from his relationship with Maria. He had become the older brother that I never had, so I truly was devastated when he and Maria moved out to California. Despite the fact that he was 25, Mark had the demeanor of someone at least ten years older. I often asked him how an old man like him survived with all the hot shot investment bankers he was working with.

“Miss me?” I asked Brian as I slid into the front seat.

“Yup.” He kissed me, but he quickly remembered that Mark was in the back and backed off.

“Oh, don’t mind me, you two. I’m going to be around until Wednesday, so I might as well get used to it now right? Besides, we’ll just consider this payback for all the times that Evan has had to be around me and Maria.”

We all laughed at that one and headed back to my apartment. I asked Brian if he could help Mark settle into the second bedroom while I went down and checked on Erica’s apartment. Everything was in order, so I came back down after watering some of her dried out plants. Brian and Mark were sitting in the kitchen laughing about something.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

Mark turned and smiled at me. “I was just asking Brian if the two of you had already moved in together.”

“Why would you ask that?” Mark knew that we weren’t living together.

Mark started laughing at me. “Well, it’s just that you have him drive the car, take me into the house, show me the bedroom. Sounds like domestic bliss to me.”

I blushed and that only made the two of them laugh more at me. Brian stood up and came over to me. “We were just joking, baby. You know that I wouldn’t have done those things if I didn’t want to.” He gave me a quick peck on the lips. “I’m gonna leave. I’m sure you guys have plenty of stuff to catch up on.”

“Bye, Brian!” Mark called.

“Bye, Bri.”

He waved at us and left. I whirled around on Mark. “Domestic bliss? Are you trying to get rid of my boyfriend?” I lunged for his throat and pretended to strangle him.

“Hey, hey! I was only joking, and let’s not forget that he didn’t seem to mind when I said that. I think you may have found yourself a keeper there, kiddo.”

I took a seat across the table from him. “Oh, really? And how did you figure that after knowing him for the better part of an hour?”

Mark laughed at me again. “You’re kidding right?”

“Kidding about what?”

“The two of you are nuts! Blind people can tell how hard you stare at each other. The man worships the ground you walk on, and it’s not difficult to see that the feeling is mutual. You love this guy don’t you?”

I tried my best not to stretch my entire face into a smile, but it was no use. “Yea, I really do. It’s great.”

“Good! It’s about time you found someone who makes you happy. God knows that you and Jane were driving each other crazy.”

“I’m glad you don’t care that I’ve fallen for another guy,” I said.

“Why would I care about that?”

“Some people care very much.”

“Like who?” he asked.

“Mom and Uncle James.”

“Oh, shit. Do they know?”

I retold that morning’s events to Mark. At the end, he was shaking his head in disbelief like I had done earlier. “Wow. You know Maria and I will do anything we can for you, right?”

“I know, Mark. The more I think about it though, the less I actually care. So I’ll lose this apartment, it doesn’t matter that much. And you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve got Brian, and he’s already made me feel better about the whole thing just by being here.”

Mark stood up and ruffled my hair. “You’ve got it bad, Evan. I’m going to leave you and your love sickness while I go take a nap.”

He walked down the short hall to the other bedroom. I stayed at the table with the silliest grin on my face. Being in love did that sometimes.

I suddenly remembered that I was supposed to call Maria once I had Mark back at the apartment. I used my cell phone for the free weekend minutes and waited for her to pick up.

“Hello?” she answered.

“Hey, Mare, I’ve got your husband.”

“Call me that name again and you’ll face the fury of a mother of three infants!”

I laughed, but it only fueled her anger. She continued, “And I already know that Mark is there. He called me while you went downstairs for something.”

“Ok, then,” I said. “I think we’re going to go to dinner later. He and Brian seem to get along well.”

“Good. Where are Mom and Uncle James? Have they met Brian?” Again, I had to retell the disaster story of the month.

“Let me talk to Mom. Maybe I can talk some sense into her,” Maria said.d

“Good luck with that. I haven’t seen her that angry in a long time.”

“Evan, you know you’ve done nothing wrong, right?”

“Of course I haven’t. Why would you ask me that?”

“I’m just making sure you know. We’ll get this all worked out. If you really want to keep the apartment, you can borrow some money from me and pay it back later.”

“Thanks for the offer, Maria, but I won’t need it.”

“Well, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know yet. But I’ll only do that if I have no other option ok?”

“Alright.” I heard baby cries in the background. “Looks like it’s feeding time here at the zoo.”

“Ok, I’ll talk to you later. Bye, sis.”

“Bye.”

I stood up to go to the bathroom, but a familiar pair of arms encircled my waist.

“I have got to learn to lock that door.”

Brian growled and kissed my neck. “What if I told you that I can get around doors? Maybe I can walk right through walls. I said to myself ‘Damn, I left my wallet at Evan’s, but he’s probably locked the door. I’ll just walk right through the door.’”

“You’re a dork, you know that?” I turned myself around and looped my arms around his neck.

“Just a regular dork? Not even a semi-cute dork?”

“No, you’re a very cute dork.” I kissed him slowly and pushed my tongue into his mouth.

We broke away, both of us almost gasping for air. “You know what I realized?” I said.

“What’s that?” Brian asked.

“If I’m going to be kicked out of this apartment, then I should get the most use out of everything it has to offer.”

Brian raised one eyebrow. “What did you have in mind?”

“I haven’t gotten a lot of use out of the bathtub.” I lowered my voice. “And it’s definitely made for more than one.” I began unbuttoning my shirt.

“Evan Alexander, are you trying to seduce me?”

I took off the shirt and tossed it aside. “Yup,” I said, now beginning to unbutton my pants.

“I thought so.” He scooped me up in his arms. It was a new feeling to be carried in another man’s arms, but I felt so comfortable with Brian. All of it was absolutely incredible. My lips found his again as he carried me into the bathroom.

It meant so much to me to have so much time alone with Brian. We spent over an hour in that tub, draining some of the water and then filling it with hot water to keep us warm. I sat nestled between Brian’s legs, letting him draw soapy shapes on my chest from time to time. We had the usual joking and chatting going on until Brian’s tone changed and he lowered his voice.

“Evan, what are you afraid of?”

“I’m afraid that eventually we’ll have to get out of the water.”

Brian’s hands moved to tickle my ribs. I thrashed and splashed around, trying my best to escape his attack. “I’m being serious,” he said. “I want to know what you’re genuinely afraid of.”

I didn’t understand what Brian was getting at, but I decided to bite anyway. “I’m afraid of snakes. It’s not even that whole Adam and Eve thing, I just don’t like the way they move; slithering across the grass and suddenly they’re in your shoe, they’re snapping at your leg, it’s creepy.” I stopped and thought for a moment. “I’m afraid of ordering things advertised on TV. I had a dream when I was a kid that the merchandise was all part of some government conspiracy to track capitalism. Okay, I wasn’t a ‘kid,’ this was when I was 15.”

Brian leaned forward and kissed my temple. He moved his lips down and whispered in my ear, “That’s interesting, babe, but tell me what you’re really afraid of.”

I sat up to run some more hot water into the bath. Brian reached for me and pulled me back to his chest and held me close. Something about his touch coaxed the truth out of me.

“I don’t want to die,” I whispered. “It’s too scary to imagine what lies beyond this world. I don’t want to stop feeling, any kind of feeling. I don’t want to forget being angry, being happy, being all the different emotions that I feel at times like this. What if dying means losing people like you in my life forever? How can anyone be ready to face that?”

“That’s all I wanted to know,” said Brian after a pause.

“Why? What are you afraid of?”

“Here, let’s go into the bedroom and I’ll explain.”

We both dried off but didn’t bother wearing the towels into the bedroom. Brian sat down on the bed while I, remembering the morning’s interruption, locked the door. I sat down next to Brian and anxiously awaited his explanation.

“My greatest fear is that I will wake up one morning and realize that I was never truly loved or I never loved someone else. I was willing to do anything I could to prevent that, so that’s probably why I seem so overbearing and overprotective. And being that way means that I don’t want you to suffer through your worst fear. You’ve already destroyed any fear that I have about waking up and feeling alone. I’m sure this sounds sappy, but I love you. I love you more than I thought was possible, and we’ve only begun to scratch the surface of our relationship. I want you to know that. Wherever you are in your life or afterlife, I don’t want you to feel as though you lost me because I truly don’t think that you can. I’ve given you a piece of myself, and I don’t want it back, ever.”

I stared at him, wide-eyed and open-mouthed for a long time. What he had said was still ringing in my ears.

“Evan?”

I didn’t respond.

“Evan? Say something, please.’

“How do you expect me to say anything to you ever again after hearing something so beautiful? No one has ever… Shit, I don’t even have words for it, Bri.” I gave up and hugged him so tightly. I felt like I had found Heaven on Earth. The only words I could manage before I kissed him soundly on the mouth were: “I love you so much. Only you have ever made me feel like this.”

The mischief kicked in when I pulled away. “Brian Davis, are you trying to seduce me?”

He smiled and replied, “Nope.”

“I didn’t think so, but it’s working anyway.”

I reached for him, and we kissed again and again and again. Brian rolled me over on the bed and lay on top of me. By then, both of us were hard and yearning for release.

Brian kissed his way from my forehead over to my right ear. “Let me show you how much I love you,” he whispered.

He began that all too familiar journey down my body. He slid down to the edge of the bed, and just when I thought he was going to put me inside his mouth, I gasped as he hooked his arms under my knees and yanked me down so that he was on the floor and I was on the edge with my legs spread wide open. Brian started at my balls and slowly dragged his tongue up the length of my cock to the tip. He flicked his tongue across the head before moving back down. I was writhing in anticipation at this point. I wanted him to suck me off so badly, but he insisted on teasing me. When he finally took me inside his mouth, I moaned so loudly that I was afraid I would wake Mark all the way down the hall. I know I’ve said it before, but Brian was absolutely amazing when it came to doing anything with his tongue. He had me on the brink in seconds, but he knew it and pulled off. His new target was my butt hole. I gasped in pleasure when he licked around the hole and then pressed just the tip past my sphincter.

I had told him that I loved him, and he had said the same. I believed him, not that I had to. My heart told me it was true long before my brain did. And here he was, working his magic between my legs. But I hadn’t fully committed myself to him. Not yet.

“Brian, stop.”

His head popped up almost comically as I looked down there. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“There’s only one thing wrong. You’ve given yourself to me, but I haven’t done the same. I want you inside of me.”

“Evan, are you sure you’re ready for that? I don’t want you to feel pressured just because of yesterday.”

“I want to be yours, and only yours. There’s no one else that I would allow to do this.”