This is a true story.
I was young (not long turned 18) and dumb. That's my only excuse and it's not much of one, I know. I had asked out a girl in my sixth year class, Julie Duncan that I really fancied. She was out of my league I know but I tried and didn't deserve the cruel rejection and amusement the bitch dished out to me when she turned me down. So anyway, that Saturday morning with my parents and sister out of the family house I was sitting in my bedroom having a wank to a music video (Beyonce and Shakira, and I was imagining them doing all sorts of kinky things!) when I suddenly got it into my mind that I wanted my revenge on her.
I had seen all sorts of crude grafitti in my time and decided I could do it myself. I grabbed a black marker pen from my school bag and marched down the street and through the nearby park to the public toilets. Before I even had time to talk myself out of what I was doing I had entered one of the cold cubicles and bolted myself inside.
I knew what I was doing was wrong and stupid but hell I was hurt and angry and proceeded to write on the wall, "JULIE DUNCAN SUCKS COCKS FOR Β£10". It joined the rest of the obscenities on the wall and as I stood back to admire my handiwork I nearly jumped out of my skin when the cubicle flashed in a bright light and a click sounded loud in the cubicle.
I turned around nervously and looked up at the grill at the top of the cubicle wall connecting to the next cubicle and there, holding a camera, was a mans face grinning down at me.
"Gotcha!" he said only half jokingly.
I tried to bluster my way out of the situation but all my stammering and protestations counted for naught and seconds later he was inside the cubicle beside me and locking the door behind him. I had unbolted it for him when he told me and was already doing what he told me to do.
He pointed at my words on the wall.
"That's not a very nice thing to write, is it?"