Idolatria

Psalm 37:4

It was still dark when I woke up. Not in my own bed. The sheets were different, and the window was in the wrong place, and there was something warm up against my back...

I was in Levi's room. The realization startled me a little until I remembered that this was, in fact, where I'd willingly fallen asleep. And I was about to get up and go looking for my clothes when I picked up my phone and realized what time it was. Still only three in the morning. Huh... I didn't usually have problems sleeping through the night. Maybe it was just being in a strange place -- my body wasn't used to being in bed with someone like this yet. My attention drifted to the heat soaking through my back and shoulders, the strong arm draped around my chest... Levi's shape spooning mine. I put my phone back and settled down against him, folding my arm over his.

This felt so weird... Even half-clothed, I was all too aware of everywhere my skin met Levi's. A lot of places, considering he'd gone to bed in just his boxer briefs.

Abruptly, the absurdity of where I was began to creep over me like an icy chill.

Lying in another man's bed. In quiet embrace, with his leg comfortably locked between my own. Sharing sheets, pillows, body heat. It had felt natural to accept the offer to stay overnight yet again; but at that exact moment, wide awake in the darkness, caged by Levi's intimacy and the iron trap of his bedframe, my heart panicked.

The person I was a few months ago would have been terrified of this. It was hard to keep that part quiet. Never in my life would I have imagined myself with a man like this, with or without the collar.

Although... Was it really true that I'd never thought about guys like this before? Thoughts like that didn't happen spontaneously...

My mind wandered, to an alternate reality where I'd met Levi when I was still sixteen or something. Oh, but... he was six years older than me. Okay, so an alternate reality where we were the same age. Maybe he'd have been in the same group of friends with me and Marc. Maybe he'd be the one I'd gone to prom with, who I'd awkwardly make out with in the bushes behind the school... Well... No way it would have happened at my conservative school, though. But I'd lost track of the question -- when had I become attracted to guys? Was I attracted to guys? Or was it just Levi?

This was too much work for my head when I was still half-unconscious. I sighed and shut my eyes, trying to get myself back to sleep. Behind me, Levi was silent and peaceful, blissfully ignorant of my conflict, his breath teasing the loose hair around my neck.

I'd barely started to drift off when I was prodded back awake. With barely a warning, Levi gave a sharp inhale and pressed his leg harder between mine. I recognized, with a jolt, the blunt shape of his sex shoving against my backside, urging my body to respond.

Holy fuck... is he seriously --

"Levi," I hissed, trying not to move too much as I tilted my head back to see him.

"Levi."

"Mmnh."

"Are you awake?"

He groaned and nuzzled my shoulder, his voice low and muffled. "I am now. What?"

"Y-you're... uhm... I can feel..."

If he wasn't fully awake, though, maybe it would be better to just ignore it and go back to sleep...

"Feel what?" he mumbled out.

"This?"

Levi's hips bucked into mine. No way I could ignore it now -- hard, aligned with the furrow of my ass, somehow warmer than the heat of his hands around my front even through the fabric. I bit back the shudder of my breath and let myself press back.

"Oh, that's better," he whispered. "Definitely awake now. Unless... were you hoping to go back to sleep right now?"

"N... I... I can..."

Levi's voice was low, breathy as his lips grazed my neck, his fingers tracing up to my jaw. "Good boy. Come take care of me."

"How?"

"Mmh... Let's train your mouth a little more. Sit up."

It was a moment before I struggled up onto my knees, dragging the sheets off with me. Levi gave a sleepy groan and rolled onto his back with an arm behind his head. His heavy eyes caught the faintest gleam of streetlight beyond the window, resting on mine expectantly.

"Collar," he said, holding out his hand.

The single word was all he needed. I nodded and searched the nightstand behind me blindly until I felt the leather band. Quickly I pressed it into Levi's waiting palm, where his fingers almost caught mine as he clasped them around it. He beckoned me with the same hand, guiding me to bow my head over him so he could fasten the collar to my throat.

No sooner was it securely in place than he pulled me by the ring until I was nearly splayed out over his legs, level with his hips. I swallowed hard and readjusted, but I'd barely gotten back up when he tugged me back down and pressed my face into his lower belly. His muscles tensed under me as he laughed. My face stung with color.

"Get comfortable," he told me gently. "I'm gonna make you take your time a little."

Between his words and his voice, the heat around my ears was intolerable. "I don't really know what I'm doing," I confessed weakly.

"I know. That's why you're practicing. So let's just start by getting your owner's cock out."

Right... I wouldn't get very far with Levi's underwear still on. Even though I'd felt it, it was startling to see how hard he really was, nearly straining the black cotton that held him back. With shaking hands I tugged down his waistband until he acquiesced to lift his hips to ease my task. A soft scent, warm and familiar, accompanied the rise of his bared sex - sweat and sugary musk, something I still couldn't recognize just yet.

"What now...?" I found myself saying helplessly.

Levi shook with a gentle laugh. "What now?" he repeated, almost in disbelief. "Now you put your fucking mouth on it. Let's see what my boy can do by himself."

The sharpness of Levi's language contrasted with the cajoling cant of his voice, encouraging and teasing in one. Well... of course. I'd done this before, I should know this much - though he'd been mostly in control then. Now it was my turn.

I shifted positions to hold myself over him by my elbows, nearly embracing his thighs as I combed my wayward hair behind one ear. I was overly conscious of how awkward my body felt... hyper-aware of everything but what I was supposed to be focusing on. With difficulty I forced my attention forward and swallowed back the dryness on my tongue. A gentle touch on the nape of my neck made me jump.

"Ash... if you don't want to do this right now, we can -"

"I - I want to."

The unexpected desperation in my own voice flustered me... but hearing it was strangely encouraging. I want to. Unspoken -

Please let me do this. Let me prove my need and my devotion.

My lips met the warm swell of Levi's sex, and I followed its curve with a trail of shaky kisses where it lay heavy against his hip. I slowly ran my tongue along the same path, quickly rewarded by a hard twitch and Levi's sharp inhale above me.

"Good... take your time. Worship me."

The command was a sleepy whisper, and yet it was sharp and heavy in my chest, a cold fear that begged me to stop. But the warm comfort of my desire overwhelmed it.

That... that's what I'm doing. Yes. I'm praising him with my mouth, a wordless, visceral sort of prayer...

What had Levi done when he was sucking me off before...? I encircled his base with my fingers like he had done then, sliding my tongue up over him again and pushing his tip into my mouth. Carefully, I eased myself down until I felt his heat nudging my throat, then pulled back and repeated the motion. Through my slow and unsteady rhythm, Levi's pulse thumped against my tongue and made my own beat that much harder. The ring of my collar chimed with every movement, a sweet and teasing noise, paired with the gentle pressure on my throat to make sure I never forgot my position. He felt so good in my mouth despite the ache in my neck and jaw... but I was soon struggling to maintain the meager pace I'd set.

As I pulled back and gasped for breath, Levi slid a hand over my cheek and thumbed at my open mouth. "Tired already?" he asked.

"Suh... sorry... I-I'm not stopping..."

"Good boy. Try to move your hand, too."

This proved to be a little bit of a trick. Again I remembered the way Levi had done this, trying to match the motions of his hand on me -- I only now realized I hadn't been paying much attention to his technique at the time. My pace stumbled some before I figured it out; if I kept my fingers circled and pressed to my mouth, I didn't have to almost gag myself on the way down... As soon as I'd steadied myself again, Levi shuddered and gasped out.

"Better," he slurred drowsily. "Oh, God, Ash... Just like that."

The rhythm of his breathing fell apart, catching on nothing as the heat built slowly on my tongue. This was definitely a different workout than I was used to. The soreness in my neck was badly distracting, as was the strange awareness of the excess of saliva drooling down between my fingers, and the rather unattractive noises coming out of me... But louder than anything else was the urgency and need howling from a dark place in my head, a repeated, obscene mantra threatening to escape my blockaded throat.

I want it. I want it. I want him to come in my fucking mouth.

My muscles were burning before Levi tapped a shaky hand on the back of my head, choking out a breathless moan. As I slowed and held still, his fingers dug under my collar and gripped it by the buckle at my nape, nearly choking me in the process - and at the same time, I tasted him on the back of my tongue, the warmth and sweetness sending shivers down my tensed back.

Levi yanked me back by my collar as soon as he'd come down from his orgasm, panting a bit softer than I was. "Better," he sighed. "Much better than last time. Not bad at all to start your training off."

Wiping the corners of my mouth, I shakily threw myself back onto the pillow. "Is there a lot? Training, I mean..."

"Depends how well you take to being mine," he said softly. "When I don't have to explain my commands to you anymore... When you don't need my coaching or encouragement to serve me, I'll consider you trained."

"How long does that take?"

"However long you need. I'm patient. Work hard. Devote yourself. Learn. Go to sleep, Ash."

Levi seemed to have fallen asleep again before I could respond to this, still naked over the sheets. I thought about prodding him to ask if I could take my collar off. It really had grown more comfortable to wear with time, though... Unable to fight off sleep any longer, I left it on and closed my eyes again.

‡

The rest of the week was intensely busy. I'd fought hard to get my papers done early so I could devote more time to tennis practice and my upcoming matches.

Team meetings and practice matches were every morning from Wednesday to Friday.

Thursday morning's practice was uneventful until afterward, when Janina accosted me on the sidelines while I was bent over my bag.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" she said without so much as a greeting, folding her hands behind her back and leaning over me.

I blinked, somewhat startled by the abrupt question. "Tomorrow... uh... I don't know. I have the next singles match on Saturday morning, though."

"Against Rutgers?"

"Yeah."

"The girls aren't playing that one. You can do something the night before though, right?"

I paused to heave my bag over my shoulder and stand up, silently thanking God that I'd worn the black leggings under my shorts. It had been a shock when I realized my tennis shorts didn't go down far enough to cover the broad, violet stripe of the bruise Levi had left on my upper thighs. It wasn't as if most normal people would realize it had been made with a leather paddle during a scene gone wrong, but I knew Janina would have asked about it if she saw.

Pushing these thoughts to the back of my mind, I pulled off the band holding my hair back and stuffed it into my bag. "I don't... think I have anything going on. I mean, I could study for the Lit final if you wanna join me."

Janina looked briefly disappointed. "Well, my parents got tickets to the downtown theater," she said. "but my dad can't go, so Mom gave them to me. Would you...?"

I waited for her to finish her sentence, but she was just looking at me expectantly. "Oh!" I said in realization. "You want me to go?"

"If you can," she laughed breathlessly.

I opened my mouth and closed it again, frowning. "Is it a movie or, like, a play?" I asked.

"It's a musical."

"Oh." I wasn't a huge fan of those. I imagined Marc teasing me over this. Some queer you are. I snorted. Although... "Have you asked Marc?"

Janina just stared at me. "I - well, I didn't think to ask him... I thought..."

"Well, I'm sure he'd enjoy it more than me..." This was the truth, regardless of how Marc felt about theater. I knew if I went, he'd probably whine at me about not getting to be alone with Janina.

Before I could keep trying to convince her, though, my bag started buzzing.

"Sorry -- that's my phone. It's probably my mom asking for the car." I turned away to avoid Janina's pointed eye and dug in the side pocket, instinctually answering before I could see the caller ID. "Hello?"

"Hey, Ash. Is your practice done?"

The deep, proud voice on the other end was not my mother. My stomach shivered as I readjusted my tone to answer Levi. "Hi -- y-yeah. I just finished. Uh -- Janina, sorry, I gotta go," I said hurriedly to her, hoping I could get away before she saw how red my cheeks were probably going.

"Do you have time tomorrow?" Levi asked.

"Well... I've got my practice in the morning again, until noon or sometime after."

"That's fine. Could you come over after you're done?"

I paused, thinking as I strode to the parking lot. "I think so."

"Good. We might be busy until late, so I'd like you to stay over, too."

"Overnight?" I bit my lip. "I've got a match on Saturday morning. It's the last team game of the year."

"How early?"

"I need to be here at like, eight AM for stretch and warm-up."

"Hm. Well... I can get you there in time, if that's a concern."

"Ah --"

"Actually," he went on, "can anyone attend your match? Do I need to buy a ticket or something?"

It was very hard to breathe suddenly. "N-no, it's a college exhibition... I think anyone can... but... Levi, I don't..."

"Your family will probably be there, right?"

"I -- yeah, and my friend on the tennis team doesn't know..."

"You don't have to be seen with me. I can go separately and stay in the back. I just want to watch you play."

I leaned against the drivers' side door, trying to calm my pounding heart. I hadn't ever heard anyone I was interested in say they wanted to go to one of my matches. And the idea of Levi, silently cheering me from the stands, for me and me alone, was exciting in a way I could barely handle. I closed my eyes and pressed a hand over my mouth, huffing between my fingers.

"I don't have to," Levi said calmly. "If you don't think it's safe..."

"No!" I gasped. "Levi... I want you there. I want you to watch me. I wanna win a match for you."

I could practically hear him smirking. "For me, huh? I'll hold you to that. If you win, expect a handsome reward."

"What... what kind?"

"What kind?" he repeated, then paused. "Let's see. Name something, and I'll see if we can arrange it. A physical treat, or a sexual one, or a day out..."

The endless possibilities flooded my head. Well... it wasn't like I had to win anything for him to have sex with me. Although... now that I thought about it, there was something I really wanted.

"Anything, right?"

"Within reason," he said cautiously.

I hesitated. "Cass... uh... when did Miss Red say the munch was?"

The silence on the other end was painful. Had I asked too much? Levi really hadn't wanted to go, but...

"I'll think about it," he said crisply. "Ask me again when you come tomorrow."

‡

Levi surprised me when I showed up to his apartment the following afternoon. The living room had been temporarily rearranged, all the furniture pushed against one wall to make room for a stark white sheet that went from the top of the wall to halfway across the floor, on which was perched one of the barstools from the kitchen. Levi was sitting on this, hair pulled back in a ponytail and sleeves rolled over his shoulders, toying with an expensive-looking camera with a large lens.

"Get changed," he said without looking up, and gestured to the couch where there was nothing but a pair of black shorts laid out.

I flushed and picked up the shorts with some reservation. "What's with the setup?" I asked. "You do photography? Since when?"

"I don't. It's not mine. I'm borrowing it from Red. She usually does my photography for the store page online, but I told her you're probably not ready to model for a stranger yet."

"Model?" He was right about that, at least... I'd have been mortified if Miss Red was here when I showed up and got asked to strip.

"Mhm. My newest gear. You're gonna wear it for the product pages. Why haven't you gotten those shorts on yet, boy? I gave you a clear order."

The color deepened in my stinging cheeks as I shuffled my shirt off. "I... I dunno about that..."

"You won't show your face," he assured me, letting the camera hang from his neck by a thick strap. "The photos are only to display the gear on a body. And anyone who could identify you won't be looking at my website that closely, I assume. I'll make sure you're safe."

This did reassure me, but I'd already gone and changed -- it became immediately apparent that the shorts, tight and hugging my hips, weren't meant to be worn with underwear, so I had to lose them. Once I had nothing on but the Lycra, I turned and showed Levi somewhat bashfully, waiting for another order.

He glanced at me and smiled, moving off the barstool and gesturing for me to sit. "Get comfy. I've got a few different pieces I want to try on you, and we're gonna do about a dozen or so shots of each one. 'Kay?"

I slid up onto the stool, feeling oddly like picture day in middle school. Not dressed like this, though. I hadn't noticed the gear spread out on the floor before - some looking a lot like things I'd seen before, and others totally new. From the selection, Levi lifted up a pair of patterned blue cuffs. "Let's start with these."

As I offered my wrists to him, I couldn't help but think about the website when I'd browsed it. "So... all the models you had before, the ones on the Tannery site..."

"Mm?"

"Were those all people who... were they your subs? Or... did you, like... sleep with any of them?"

He looked surprised at this. "No," he said. "The people who modeled stuff for me before were just friends, people I know through my business or the lifestyle. Even Cass is on there somewhere. I've never gotten a sub to model for me."

I watched his hands as he wrapped the cuffs around mine. "How come?"

"Because..." Levi sighed, never looking up from his work. "You heard Cass the other day. And the guys over at the store. Everyone I talk to obsesses over you because... well... you're the first I've had in a few years. That's all."

"But why--"

"Less talk. Just be my doll for a little while and let me get some shots."

He was all business this way. The Levi who bound and toyed with my body was methodical, skilled, but his every motion seemed to be meant to exact pleasure from both of us in some way. The way he was now, it was more... calculating. After each cuff was fastened, he checked and adjusted everything with obsessive precision, from my position to the way each buckle lay on itself. When he was satisfied, he would wordlessly pick up the camera and spend several minutes slowly snapping shots, and every so often reaching forward to readjust or move me into a different pose. Arms folded over my chest. Crossed in front and behind. Kneeling on the floor with my hands on my thighs, displaying the shimmering blue cuffs rather than my own figure.