Letting Go of Heterosexuality

I joined fetlife because I was always interested in kink. I realized a while after that bdsm opened up a more fluid sexuality for me, which I then ventured into exploring in real life. A fetlife friend challenged me to take action on letting go of my heterosexuality. She thought I was totally homosexual. I still don't think I am, but I think I'm where I want to be. She challenged me to write about it. Back then, I was performing daily tasks at her direction, like messaging dominant men on fetlife, but she got too demanding, and I do have a real life that I have to prioritize. So that fizzled out, and she lost interest.

So I thought I'd post my original writing and then follow up with my current day viewpoint. The mental aspects of bdsm, particularly discipline, are really what does it for me, I've since learned, and writing more is part of that. This is the second and final installment from the original writing back then. She prompted me with the questions.

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I'm being challenged and pushed to really let go of heterosexuality. So again today I was thinking about my tasks and how it's getting a little easier to do them and how I'm looking forward to them now. What I really like are all the comments and likes on my new pictures and posts. I like that there's other men interested in me or want to work on making changes like I am. I'm hoping I can keep this up. I certainly want to.

[I enjoyed performing tasks for my friend, but it got to me a little much as I mentioned in the introduction. She wasn't a real Domme, and we never really talked about boundaries on what I could do or wanted to do either. I would like to do this again, but for a man or trans girl. I'm trying to instill some self-discipline in myself now.]

What is important is that I'm doing this for me. I want to make these changes and act on these urges. I'm still a little worried about too many people knowing and maintaining some level on anonymity, and fetlife is really a good place to do this. I'm eventually going to have to take the next step, but I don't think there's a big hurry.

[I never really was into the forced bi; doing it for your Mistress. I think that's why I didn't have a problem with solo male encounters. I still want some discretion, but it's not like I'm hiding anything going to munches, they can all read my profile, and I have a version of this writing on there.]

The challenge is really thinking about how I can do this. I'm incredibly turned on thinking about letting go of my heterosexuality, so I could deny it all I want but my hard cock clearly says otherwise. It's gotten a lot easier for me to get hard since I've started training.

[This is still true. I get and stay hard a lot easier because I'm letting myself be turned on by what really turns me on. Towards the last few months with my last girlfriend, I had trouble getting hard. I was mentally checked out because she wasn't really a responsive partner, but I was messing around with men too, and I just was more into exploring that part of my life.]

What will it be like when I let go?

I think I will be more productive overall. Letting go takes focus and mental acuity. I think I'll be able to work harder and do better because I will have a more defined role in life.

[Having a job that pays decent also helps here too. I think I've finally let go. I am more productive because I'm not overthinking being queer. I don't think there's that much separation between those parts of my life now anymore either.]

What will be different?

I bet I'll look a lot hotter and have more self-confidence. I don't want people to take advantage of me though.

[I look hotter because I'm able to eat better and exercise more too. Going to munches helps a lot with the self-confidence too. No where to really show off though. That's probably the biggest drag. I used to walk my dog at night in San Francisco nude. I would like more of a nudist lifestyle. I know that's not the same as kink, but the enforced nudity is something I like.]

What will happen?

If I can maintain my discretion, what will happen is I will finally obtain the sexual release that has eluded me. I will be comfortable offering myself to men. Having gay sex will be regular and normal and I'll be able to seek out what I want easily.

[I am comfortable with what I want, but my location is limiting. That's the challenge.]

How will you know you let go?

More people will know what I am. I think it's going to be inevitable. I'm daunted by it, but I think it needs to happen. I hope there will be a point where I actually don't care.

[I kind of don't care if people think I'm queer. It's the kink edge that may be the problem, and I mentioned that in Part I.]

And that was that. I would have liked to do more back then. I'm trying to at least do more writing now and get more active when I travel. I would enjoy more outside discipline, but I'm also being picky because I can afford to be.