The drive home felt like it took days rather than hours. The air between Coach and me was so awkward. I mean, what do you say to your coach after he spends all night blowing your back out and breeding your pussy? Felt a little weird to shoot the shit after he had his dick in me all night. And I mean that literally, I slept with his dick still inside my pussy. Definitely gave me the best night's sleep I've had in months.
It was pretty fucked up, in a way, but also I knew Coach did that for me to help me out. I definitely didn't feel like I got taken advantage of, I came onto him really strong and I feel bad, he might have felt like it was his responsibility or duty to fuck me.
"So, Luke..." Coach started. "I wanted to ask you something."
"Uh, sure, Coach."
"You know... exploring your sexuality is very normal for young men. And maybe by experimenting, you'll find out new things about yourself."
Experimenting? What was Coach talking about?
"There's many different kinds of attraction and love. You love baseball, you love your mom, and you love your friends. You love them all differently, but it's love all the same."
I guess Coach was right. I mean, I didn't know about loving my friends, but Coach was like a dad to me, even though he wasn't my real dad. Except for the fact that he just bred me like a bitch in a motel.
"Sometimes it's hard to place how you love someone, and it's normal for someone to be a little unsure of who they love romantically, especially if they have feelings for a friend who they also love as a friend."
Uh, what? That was like some kind of riddle. I guess what Coach was saying, you can love someone like you wanna date them, but also love them as a friend?
"But your mom, your friends, and baseball teammates all love you back Luke, and if it takes time to sort out how you want to love the people in your life, trying to be honest with yourself and the people you love is hard but worth it for you and for them."
"I gotta be honest, Coach, I don't really understand what you're getting at."
Coach seemed kind of uncomfortable, shifting in his seat a little, but he started over.
"Listen, I've known you for a long time, and well... I've never noticed you interested in any girls. I had actually thought you and Chrissy might get together, but you ended up as just friends."
"No way Coach, gross! She's like a sister to me, you know that."
"Well she used to flirt with you. You never noticed how clingy she got in middle school? Though she stopped once she realized it was never going to work out."
"Man, I just thought that was how girls got."
"It's not just Chrissy. I've noticed many young women flirting with you, some of them very aggressively, and you hardly seemed to notice. But, you've never dated anyone. I've heard them talking, here and there, a lot of them want to be your first girlfriend."
"What, really? Is that why girls always come up to me and wanna hang out?"
"You haven't noticed them whispering to each other when you walk by? Or they come up to start a conversation with you and you blow them off?"
"Well, I can be fucking dense so I just don't know what flirting is I guess."
"You've never wanted to date any girl?" he asked carefully.
"I just haven't found someone I like like that yet," I said, a line I've said a million times before, but not really believing it anymore.
"Maybe the right person is closer than you think. Maybe they've been there all along."
I didn't realize that Coach was all sappy and romantic and shit. But I still had no idea what he was talking about.
"Maybe, you could try experimenting. And see if there are other options out there."
I guess Coach hadn't realized I've already done stuff. I wasn't a virgin anymore. I'd done tons of experimenting with Sammy, if you can call it that.
Kissing Sammy. That time when he pressed his soft full lips to mine, his tongue shaking out, exploring my mouth. I remember feeling him kiss my neck while he was fucking me, feeling his weight on me as he thrusted, feeling his strong arms holding me tight, his hard cock making me feel better than I ever have in my life. Fuck, just thinking about it started to get my pussy moist again.
Somehow I was saved from any more awkwardness because Coach turned onto my street. When Coach pulled into my driveway, I got out of the car and leaned into the passenger window.
"So, uh. Thanks Coach. For driving me and... you know," I said, my face still a little hot.
"Sure. No problem. I'm happy to have... helped," Coach said, scrubbing a hand over his stubbled face.
I started to walk away when Coach called out to me.
"Hold on, Luke! Listen, about this stuff with Sammy. Sometimes, you have to own up to your mistakes. Even if you aren't 100% at fault. It takes strength and integrity to apologize for your actions. You can't get forgiveness without asking for it."
Woah. See this is why I can always count on Coach. He somehow always knows what to say.
I nodded in thanks. Coach was right. I needed to own my shit and stop running from the truth. I had to apologize to the people I had hurt. And I knew where to start.
***
Alright Luke you can do this. Don't be a pussy.
I took a deep breath and walked up to the table in the study room. The only person sitting there was a skinny nerd with rust colored hair, his face buried in his camera.
"Hey, uh, Mark? Can I sit here?"
I hadn't spoken to him since we... did stuff in the locker room. No, face this shit head on. We hooked up in the locker room. And then I froze him out completely; acted like he didn't even exist. I was ashamed, I know that now.
He shrugged his shoulders, not bothering to look up from his camera. I took a seat across from him while he fiddled around.
"So..." I didn't really know what to say. I've never been good at apologies. I guess I've never had to make apologies before, which probably says a lot about me, come to think of it.
Mark looked up from his camera, studying me. I expected him to be angry, but instead he just looked defeated. I could tell by the caution in his eyes that I had hurt him. Really badly.
"Mark... I've been such an asshole to you. I'm sorry."
Mark just sat there, not saying anything.
