It was the release above all else that transformed me that first time we met. I was working in a demanding job, coping with the constant bickering, whingeing and worrying of my colleagues Anything would have been a better way to spend a few daylight hours before I returned to the despairing repetitions of life with my wife and children. So I escaped. The PC on my desk became a bolt-hole, a place to where I could escape live out fantasies of an uninhibited physicality that seemed so out of reach at that same desk where I was trapped all day. There was a delicious pleasure at stealing time to get away and the thrill that I might get caught by a colleague, barging into my office with his latest tale of woe. The pleasure too of connecting with someone else on-line, flirting, feeling desired, getting his reaction when I mailed him my pics. How vain I am! I realise now that a lot of what I was doing was the complete opposite of how I was with women. Instead of chasing, taking the initiative, now I was taking on the feminine role: waiting, reacting, practising being looked at as an object of desire. And I loved it.
It took a while to realise that I could take this all further, actually meet a guy and play out that role for real. It caught me by surprise when it happened. One late morning I had sneaked online and found myself chatting to a guy who lived close to the office, was able to accommodate and who loved my pics. I had work to do but the temptation was overwhelming. We arranged to meet in a nearby carpark and to be honest he wasn't the kind of guy I imagined I would make it with: wiry and smaller than me, his head shaven, accentuating a gauntness to his face. Older than me too but still in good shape. The journey to his house was awkward, small talk concealing my anxiety and his ... well ... his to me novel lust. His home was beautiful, he had a good eye for colour and taste in the dΓ©cor and furnishings, and it felt reassuringly expensive and comfortable. We chatted some more as he showed me round, me hiding my nervousness as best as I could.