My Orean Christmas Prince

Chapter 5: CALEB

Even though I was up later than usual last night (and also drank more than I have in years), force of habit means my body is awake at the usual time, i.e. the crack of dawn. As soon as I'm awake enough to start to remember what happened yesterday, before I'm even conscious of what I'm doing my body has jumped out of bed and, still wearing nothing but my boxer briefs, I've pulled back the curtain to look out the window to see how much it snowed yesterday, as eager as any kid hoping for a snow day and a temporary reprieve from school.

Even in the dim early morning light I can easily see that there's some three feet of snow, and I can immediately tell that Yeong-soo isn't going to be able to get anywhere today, and I can't help the feelings of relief that flood through me. I feel guilty about how the delay is going to wreck his plans, work-wise and proposal-wise, but the chance to spend even just a little more time with him...

As I become more awake, my initial flare of excitement dies down to a warm glow and I stand still, looking out the window at the soft, silent, and untouched landscape. As I gaze out at the serene morning scene, I finally have to admit to myself that I've given up pretending that I haven't fallen for this guy, fallen for Yeong-soo, hard. Before dinner I could have maybe made myself believe that I wasn't feeling what I was feeling, but spending the evening together, finding out more about Yeong-soo, his personality, his likes, his interests, studying his mannerisms, not to mention finding out who he really is (Kim Yeong-soo in my house! What the actual fuck?!!) and seeing how modest and down-to-earth he was about it all, and then just sitting together, enjoying a dumb movie together, stealing glances over at him when I thought he wasn't looking... Yeah, okay, despite all my efforts to resist, I have to admit I've given in to the truth. I like him. I really, really like him.

But, what does it matter? Even though I can admit that to myself, I'm not insane. I still have my grip on reality. Even if his babblings last night weren't just compete drunken nonsense (and with my limited Korean I only really understood about a third of it anyway), even if he liked me back even a little bit, Kim Yeong-soo lives in a different world from me, no, a different universe. I know I'm not going to see him again. I know that. But at least I get to spend one more day enjoying his company.

With a monumental sigh and my usual longing glance back at my warm bed, I start throwing on my regular clothes and prioritizing the work I need to do and what I can put off to tomorrow. Rosie, who sleeps with me in the bed, had been watching me closely all this time, but I don't need her today so I give her a pat and a kiss on the head and whisper to her to go back to sleep.

Passing by Yeong-soo's room, I resist the urge to peek in and watch his unguarded sleep (Stop. Being. A. Lech.), and in the kitchen I get the coffee on and jot down a note pointing Yeong-soo to where the coffee beans and the grinder are in case he wants to make some fresh when he gets up. I also tell him I'll be around the barn in case he wants to hang out or whatever. But maybe he doesn't? Maybe he's going to wake up and have the complete opposite reaction to me and is going to be completely disappointed he can't get back to his real life for another whole day... But surely he must have felt how well we got along, how we instantly clicked, right? That doesn't just happen every day, even for someone like him, right? Or maybe for him it does? Maybe he meets hundreds of interesting people all the time, people more interesting than some lonely old sheep farmer...

I try to shrug off my doubts since there's nothing I can do about how Yeong-soo feels about having to stay an extra day with only me for company, and once outside I focus on first things first: shovelling out some pathways. The snow is high but not dense at all, so it's pretty light work, just time consuming. I make the path towards the main barn, making sure to check for ice dams on all the roofs and to clear out the areas where the electrical and gas boxes and various vents are, and then, struck by a little inspiration, I shovel a path to one of the side barns, searching through some dusty, long-forgotten corners of it to see if I can find a particular thing that I'm looking for (well, it's actually a pile of things). My search proves to be successful, and so I start shovelling a third path, from the main barn to the woods behind it.

All the while I'm working, my thoughts continue to circle around my head, as usual, although with a major difference. My usual endless loop of thoughts about my parents is broken now with new thoughts about Yeong-soo, but neither of these types of thoughts are ones I want to dwell on. But I keep replaying those moments from last night... Yeong-soo falling asleep last night on the couch. The feeling of him leaning into my shoulder, like he belonged there. Having to resist the urge to put my arm around him and to hold him close, but unable to resist letting him just rest there for a few minutes before trying to wake him up. And then when he nuzzled back close to me, I was wanting so much for the moment to last all night while also knowing I shouldn't be taking advantage of his jet lag and everything. Forcing myself to get him up and into bed, and when he was sitting on the bed and he put his arms around my waist and was looking up at me with those warm eyes and oh so kissable lips... having to force myself to not bridge those few inches and lean down for a kiss...

He's leaving tomorrow. (Scoop the snow.) You'll never see him again. (Toss the snow.) Give it up. He's leaving tomorrow. (Scoop the snow.) You'll never see him again. (Toss the snow.) Give it up. He's leaving tomorrow. (Scoop the snow.) You'll never see him again. (Toss the snow.) Give it up...

The phrases form a rhythm with my shovelling, but the repetition doesn't make my heart hurt any less. I'm only about a third of the way through the third path when a cheery, "Good morning!" from behind me interrupts me. I whirl around, for a moment worried that I'd been accidentally saying my mantra out loud, but Yeong-soo is smiling at me still oblivious to my inner thoughts and looking refreshed, showered and well rested.

"Good morning!" I say, smiling in return. And just like that, at the sight of that beautiful and wonderful person right in front of me, all my resistance flies out the window. For one more day, I'm not going to hold back, to try to pull away and keep my distance. That would be the smart thing to do, but I just can't do it. He won't know all the dumb and pointless things I'm thinking in my head. In my head I can keep pretending, that we might have some sort of future, that somehow, against all the odds, we could have a happy movie ending together. And then when he's gone I'll suffer the consequences, but I'll at least have the memory of having gotten to spend time with an amazing person who I'm never, ever going to forget.

Even as I'm thinking all of this I can recognize how pathetic it sounds, even in my head, but I don't care. God, what a pathetic loser I am. But I've never felt anything before like what I'm feeling for Yeong-soo, so even if it's not going to go anywhere, I'm still going to enjoy our time together.

Yeong-soo closes the distance between us, still smiling, and he's holding two thermoses.

"I thought you might be thirsty from shovelling, so I brought you some coffee I made and some water," he says gesturing at one of the thermoses and then the other.

"What a prince," I say jokingly. "Thanks!" I reach for the thermos with the water in it, just now realizing that the sun is shining brightly now and that I've been sweating up a storm and am absolutely parched.

In between wolfish gulps of water (which I realize belatedly I should try to restrain) I give Yeong-soo my best impression of a sympathetic smile, even though my insides have still been rejoicing, even since when I first looked out the window this morning and saw the piles of snow.

"So, looks like it was the worst case scenario after all," I say, gesturing at the snow, which I've piled up even higher around the sides of the path where I've been shovelling.

"Yes, it looks like it," Yeong-soo returns, and funnily enough, he looks happy. I try to be casual as I try to scrutinize him closely, but he doesn't seem upset about the situation at all. Maybe he's glad for the delay of having to make a decision about his proposal? To Min Yu-jin, I remember from the cover of that DVD set last night, the superstar actress. The proposal was supposed to be tonight. Christmas Eve.

As if reading my mind, Yeong-soo says with a more serious expression on his face, "I guess the proposal's not going to be tonight after all. One more day to think about what I'm going to do about it." I nod, glad I'm not in his shoes. "And plus," he says, with his gorgeous broad smile (that I know now has broken hearts the world over) and a half turn, stretching his arms wide as if to embrace the landscape, "it's so relaxing here. I really feel like I'm on vacation."

"A vacation on a farm?" I ask, my eyebrows raised and a little bit of a teasing note in my voice, and, I have to admit it, a little bit of a teasing, flirty look in my eye too.

"Sure," he says with a grin. "Who doesn't like a trip to the country? Fresh air, peace and quiet, some sheep..."

"No vacation is complete without some sheep," I say mock seriously, nodding in agreement.

We share a naturally friendly laugh together, and I marvel again at how much I enjoy Yeong-soo's company, how easy it is to be with him. Yeong-soo asks me what I'm doing, and I explain that I'm going to finish shovelling out one more path and then I have to muck out the sheep pens, and I'm both surprised and not surprised that he insists on helping me. Yeong-soo doesn't seem that concerned about his nice shoes getting ruined, but I manage to find a pair of old boots that fit him, more or less. I get him a second snow shovel and we start back in on shovelling, and he matches my pace perfectly (reminding me of the muscles he'd shown off in that scene from his K-drama, the one where he'd only been wearing a towel...), and soon we've reached our destination.

"Hey," Yeong-soo says, looking up and realizing where the path we'd been making was leading. "Is this...?"

"Yeah, this is the pond I told you about." I walk the last few feet over to the pond, which is a pretty good size. "It froze over weeks ago and should be good for skating. And I know that you must be a pretty good skater yourself," I add with an impish grin, "even despite having a stunt double or two."

"How do you know I know how to... Aigu! Oh, no, you saw that series too?" Yeong-soo groans.

"Ice Dreams?" I say laughing out loud now. "No, I didn't see it, but that was another one that my co-workers really liked."

"You are forbidden from watching any of my TV series or movies from now on," Yeong-soo decrees. "You are also forbidden from looking up any articles about me or interviews I've done, and you're not allowed to read any celebrity gossip about me, either. No fan pages, no blogs, no tweets, nothing."

"Well, that shouldn't be too hard," I say. And then at his questioning look I remind him, "Crappy Internet service, remember?"

"Thank goodness for crappy Internet service!" Yeong-soo says, and we both laugh together again.

After a little pause I can't help twisting the knife into my own guts, and so I ask him, making sure to keep my voice steady and casual, "So, no reading about you... even after you're gone?"

Yeong-soo pauses for a moment, as if caught off guard. Then he looks me in the eye and nods firmly. "Yes," he says. "Especially then."

He says that last part a little softly and if I didn't know better, maybe even a little sadly. The reminder of the little time we have left casts a cloud over my light-heartedness, and Yeong-soo seems to sink into a kind of pensive silence as well. But I refuse to waste the day wallowing in what is never going to happen, so I steer us back to a cheerier topic: making plans for the day.

"But seriously, do you like ice skating? Want to try it this afternoon?" I ask. The pond is a little elevated and sheltered by the surrounding trees, so the snow is much less deep here. I clear out a patch of ice and stamp on it with my heavy boot. "In these parts we know ice, and it's definitely completely safe. And anyway, even at its deepest parts the pond's not very deep, maybe just over 6 feet. Er, that's about... 180 cm, I think."

"Sure," Yeong-soo says enthusiastically. "Although I'm not actually a world-class skater in real-life," he says warningly. "I haven't really skated since I filmed that show, more than ten years ago."

"Well, we'll probably be about even then. I don't think I've skated since intramural hockey in college."

As we give the surface of the pond a quick going-over with our shovels I explain to Yeong-soo what intramural means and how obsessed Wisconsin is with ice hockey, and then we head back to the barn. After a little discussion, we decide to clean out the sheep pens before having a late lunch. This is a job that definitely requires overalls, so we put some on over our clothes and then get to work.

Yeong-soo is a quick learner and more nimble and athletic than Aaron, and we finish in almost no time at all. When I stop to think about it, I still can't get over how willing this huge celebrity is to just jump in and get his hands dirty. But it's easy to forget how hugely famous Yeong-soo is when we're steering the sheep into their temporary pens (which requires alternating between coaxing and threatening them, Yeong-soo, of course, taking the sweet-talking good cop route, leaving me to take on the part of the shouty and glowering bad cop), raking and shovelling and moving piles of muck, laying down the fresh bedding, and then having to get the sheep back into their regular pens (Yeong-soo absolutely refusing to switch parts and play the bad cop, declaring that he's a heartthrob and only plays the sweet roles).

The time flies by as we work, and I also can't believe how much time slips away when we stop to eat a leisurely lunch of leftovers. We're joking around, sometimes just chatting about nothing, sometimes humming snatches of favorite songs to each other, or talking about my previous work in finance or funny things that happened to him on set or at awards ceremonies... Practically with every minute that goes by it's impossible for me not to fall for Yeong-soo more and more. I know that letting myself get closer to him is just going to make it hurt even more when he's gone, but I've already resigned myself to that fact. I refuse to think about it, and I remind myself of what I've already decided: I'll suffer the consequences later.

After lunch I take Yeong-soo back out to that one side barn to look through the piles of old ice skates that I'd tracked down there earlier. I tell him about how all through high school we used to have practice hockey matches out on the pond (my dad would even sometimes volunteer to help coach), and so we'd accumulated scores of old pairs of skates over the years. I'd found my old pair already, and it doesn't take too much time to find a pair that fits Yeong-soo too.

The rest of the afternoon is like a montage straight out of a K-drama. I strap on my old hockey skates, and the muscle memory takes over, like remembering how to ride a bicycle. Soon I'm skating circles around Yeong-soo and teasing him as he gets used to the heavier hockey skates instead of figure skates, like he wore for that TV series. Yeong-soo figures it out pretty quickly, though, and soon he's chasing me around the pond with a competitive gleam in his eye. I manage to elude him for a good while, in part because I know that pond like the back of my hand, having spent hours upon hours on it back when I, just like every other kid growing up in Wisconsin, harbored dreams of becoming a pro hockey player someday. Yeong-soo has more stamina than I do, though, and at one point he leaps forward and grabs my coat, and we both end up sprawled over the ice, laughing like crazy, our limbs all tangled up with one another's.

We manage to separate our arms and legs without slicing each other open with the blades of our skates, but rather than rushing to get up right away, we both roll onto our backs, laughing until our sides hurt. As our laughs gradually start to die out, we're still lying on the ice, and, as if on cue, we both turn our heads to look at each other. Our faces are flushed and we're still breathing hard from the physical exercise, and we're smiling at each other, and it's like before, there's a "look" between us. Except this time we're not pulling back from that electricity between us, at least I'm not, we're just enjoying smiling and looking at each other and feeling... connected. The words "I like you" surface in my head. They're on the tip of my tongue, on my lips. But I know better than to say them out loud.

I'm the one who breaks eye contact. I give an offhanded quip about how cold the ice is getting and stand up, and then reach out a friendly hand to help Yeong-soo up. I realize too late that in this moment even that little platonic gesture feels too intimate given how full of feelings I am for him, but I don't let my hand linger in his, and I avoid looking into his eyes to see what I might be able to read there. I may have decided I'm going to enjoy my time with Yeong-soo today, but I don't need to torture myself with wanting more.

I'd brought some sticks and a puck and I teach Yeong-soo the basics of ice hockey, and he gives me some tips on figure skating -- which is even harder than it looks, and made even harder by the fact we're using hockey skates!

It's starting to get dark by the time we troop back to the house, and on the way I may or may not have started an impromptu snowball fight. We debate about whether or not it would be too cheesy for two adult men to build a snowman. Yeong-soo hasn't ever built one (apparently it does snow in Seoul, but not that much, and not that often), so eventually we decide that a mini-snowman would just barely be acceptable. We put him near the porch, complete with a John Deere baseball cap, a scarf, sunglasses, and a carrot nose. We almost come to blows coming up with the all-important name for our creation (I almost slip up and almost joke that he's our baby), but once one of us suggests it (I forget who), we both immediately agree on what is the perfect name: "Keanu". Blushing internally, I make a mental note to make sure our baby Keanu is long gone before Aaron or his family might see it (if the sun doesn't get to him first), although Yeong-soo insists on me taking a picture of him with it on his phone for posterity.

We definitely both need a shower before dinner, and much as I would have liked to have invited Yeong-soo to take a shower with me (maybe I could convince him we have to save water...), of course that idea stays firmly put in fantasy land. Instead I'm left spending my time in the shower just imagining what Yeong-soo is looking like while taking his shower at the same time as me in the other bathroom, how right this minute Yeong-soo could be soaping up his arms, his chest, his legs, his face, imagining all those soapy suds dripping down Yeong-soo's pecs, his abs, down his......... It takes several minutes of cold water at the end of my shower to help bring me back to my senses before I have to face Yeong-soo again.

Yeong-soo decides on a simple vegetable pasta for dinner (well, simple by his standards, although it seems plenty complicated to me), and this time he does let me help with the unskilled labor (peeling and chopping). It's as delicious as last night's dinner, and once again I come up with a wine that goes great with it (a red this time).