My Roommate's Toy Box

A couple weeks later, I'm sitting in the first of three classes that are blocked together on my schedule for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. An email from the professor who teaches my second class appears right as I'm about to close my laptop, announcing that the class is canceled and apologizing for the extremely short notice. I'm thrilled that I won't have to sit through an hour of boring lecture on English literature as I pack up my computer, starting back toward the dorm room with a smile on my face.

I push my key into the lock without thinking anything of it, twisting the knob and swinging the door open. I freeze instantly at the threshold, my mouth gaping open. Alex is there completely naked, squatting in the middle of the floor between our beds, the soles of his bare feet half planted on the tile, his fingers at his pierced nipples. Most of the obscenely girthy dildo I'd handled when I trespassed into his toy box is buried up his ass.

Alex looks up at me immediately, his mouth gaping open too as his hands drop to his sides, his eyes wide with terror, his whole expression panicked. For once he has absolutely nothing to say.

I don't have to fake looking shocked. I'd never truly believed he was riding the monsters until I finally found him in the room with one impaled in his hole. "Uh, shit," I mutter, looking down at the floor. "Shit, I'm, uh, really sorry." I instantly turn around and cross back out the door, pulling it shut and literally jogging to the lounge on our floor.

How was I ever expecting catching him to turn me on? Alex's horrified expression is vividly emblazoned on my mind, the image impossible to escape. I settle on a couch in the lounge, stripping my backpack off and setting it beside myself, trying to think about anything else, but I can't stop picturing my roommate's stunned face. My whole body is tingling uncomfortably, my heart racing. I can feel adrenaline pumping through my veins. That definitely wasn't hot. That was awful! I feel embarrassed for him realizing that I'd finally confirmed the secret I was never supposed to know about, already doubting that our relationship would ever be the same again.

My phone vibrates in my pocket. I know it must be Alex texting me, but I'm too anxious to read the message. I sit there for half an hour trying to calm down, Alex's terrified face still crystal clear in my head, before I'm willing to pull my phone out.

/You're good to come back to the room/, Alex had written. /I'll explain/.

I'm happy to see that he doesn't seem mad, but another wave of anxiety overtakes me wondering what he's going to say. I spend another hour sitting in the lounge, barely able to focus on anything, before I decide I'm ready to trek back to the dorm room. I could spend the whole day sitting on this couch, but that wouldn't spare me from having to eventually face Alex.

I walk glacially toward the room, pressing my key into the lock as quietly as I can, my hand hesitating to turn the knob. I take a deep breath and open the door, finding Alex fully dressed in his bed for a change, looking just as uncomfortable as I feel. I bow my head down trying to avoid his gaze as I throw my backpack beside my desk.

"I'm not gay," he says immediately.

"Ok," I acknowledge without glancing at his face, tumbling into my bed.

"Seriously, I'm not gay," Alex repeats again urgently. "I know you are, but I'm seriously not, man. I just like having stuff in my ass because it feels good. That's all."

My apprehension instantly skyrockets. He knew I was gay? He'd never mentioned it at all until now, not even hinting until this moment. "What?" I ask, sounding horrified myself, still not brave enough to look over.

Alex scoffs. "You think I'm dumb? You've been blatantly checking me out since the day I first moved in. It doesn't bother me, dude, and it never has. You've been a cool friend. But I'm definitely not gay."

Even hearing him say that it didn't bother him, I'm silently regretting every frequent lustful stare I'd allowed myself. How had I deluded myself into believing my sexuality was a secret after eye fucking my roommate all semester? I should have owned up on the first day and told Alex the truth.

"How often have you seen me checking you out?" he demands, not waiting for me to say anything.

I sigh, anxiously rubbing my hand over my closed eyes, still picturing the way my roommate's face looked when I walked in on him earlier. "Never," I admit.

"Because I'm not gay," Alex repeats another time. "So what you saw...yeah, I like having stuff up my ass. I love having stuff up my ass, honestly. But I'm still only attracted to women. I'm not gay. You understand me?"

The idea seemed totally contradictory to me, beyond my comprehension. Did he want girls to shove massive dildos in his ass? I couldn't fathom a straight man desiring that. But whatever, I went along with it. "Yeah," I agree.

"Dude, there are tons of other straight guys into that stuff," he claims defensively. "I'll show you right now if you don't believe me."

"I believe you, Alex," I say gently, hoping to calm him down.

He huffs. "No, you think I'm gay after seeing me with that dildo in my ass, but I'm not."

His desperate repeated assertions are the reason I'm actually questioning his true sexuality now, but I don't betray that. "I believe you!" I try to assure him. "I, um, like having stuff in my ass too. I get it. You don't have to be gay to think it feels good."

Alex tosses loudly on the other side of the room. "You think it feels good too?" he asks more diplomatically.

"I get it," I repeat. "I'm not judging you. I love getting fucked. It's the most pleasurable feeling in the world to me. I've always felt like most straight guys don't appreciate what they're missing out on."

"Look at me, dude," he insists.

Peering over at my roommate's face is almost painful, but I do it anyway. I'm going to have to look at him again sooner or later.

"Do you mean that?" Alex demands, his brown eyes boring into mine. "You don't think I'm gay? You don't think I'm crazy for liking it?"

I shake my head. "You know how many people think I'm crazy for being honest about what I like?" I have to look away again, feeling like I'm about to cry. I hate that I let my fears about facing another homophobic man derail my plans to be an authentic person. "I'm sorry I never told you, but I was afraid we wouldn't be friends anymore if I did."

His sheet rustles on the other side of the room. "Why wouldn't we be friends? Because you're gay? Who cares?"

Hearing my roommate say that, I find the courage to glance back over. "Well, who cares about what you like then? If you like it, that's all that matters."

Alex smiles at me for the first time since I'd come back from the lounge. "So we're cool? Things aren't going to be weird between us?"

"I'm not going to start trying to fuck you," I reassure him. "I've always known you were straight, since the first time we met. That's why I was scared to tell you that I'm gay."

He laughs, finally seeming at ease. "Like I didn't instantly pick up on that! At least we're both being honest with each other right now. Can I be honest about something else, man?"

I can see his sheet jumping up rhythmically above his crotch, certain that Alex is jerking off right now. My heart skips a beat thinking my roommate is going to declare that he actually is gay, or at least bi, that he's about to ask me over there to give him head despite everything he'd just claimed about his sexuality. "What?" I wonder, ready to step over to his side of the room.

Alex lifts the sheet away, revealing that his shorts are already peeled down, his hard cock sticking up. "You know why I never said anything before? Because I fucking love being watched," he hisses, staring straight at me. "Why do you think I'm always getting naked in front of you and just wearing boxers here in the room? I love knowing that you're over there desperately trying to sneak glances. I fucking love it, dude. Seriously."

I'm frozen trying to respond, thinking about all the times I'd shamelessly looked at his body. My roommate had known exactly what he was doing from the very first day, and he'd enjoyed it.

"I'm not gay," he says again, "but I'm definitely an exhibitionist."

I don't even really know what the word means, feeling my own dick growing as I observe him boldly jerking off in front of me. "I don't...um...know what that means," I stammer.

Alex pulls his sheet back further, moving to sit at the edge of his bed, his hard eight inches jutting out. "It means I get off on people looking at me. On the sidewalk, in the showers, everywhere. I love being watched." He grins as he starts stroking his shaft again. "Want to hear something really wild?"

My face turns away the second he asks. He's confusing the fuck out of me, openly touching himself with me looking on after emphatically declaring that he wasn't gay over and over again. Part of me wants to run back to the lounge, to escape this conundrum, but I have to know what he's going to say. "What's that?"

"I've been the number one guy on Chaturbate half a dozen times since you moved in," Alex boasts, still obviously working his huge cock.

I'd run across the site a couple times before, knowing that he must have had at least 1,000 people watching his stream for the claim to be true. My roommate wasn't kidding. Imagining how pissed his dad would be if he knew that thousands of people were looking at Alex's naked body, I totally believe him.

His feet hit the floor, his steps creeping toward my bed. "So if you want to watch," Alex starts, "go ahead and watch. It turns me on, dude."

I twist my head to find my hot straight roommate two feet away from me, stroking his dick with his shorts now pulled down to his ankles. Gazing at his face, into his eyes, he looks like the one who's living out a fantasy. "Seriously?" I whisper.

Alex smirks, working his length even harder. "You think I have a nice body? A big dick? You been thinking about me all semester? Tell me about it, man. I'll be so fucking turned on."

Seeing him eagerly jerking off in front of me like this is definitely still confusing, but having my roommate so close, hearing his demands for compliments, I'm certain he really means everything he's saying. I take in his whole body from his beautiful face to his slide-tanned feet, trying not to be reluctant about it, my eyes panning up and down Alex as he's unashamedly touching himself, wishing I were brave enough to grip my own painfully hard shaft. "You're fucking hot," I finally answer.

He laughs like he's longed to hear me admitting it. "Yeah, man?" Alex whispers.

"Ridiculously fucking hot," I continue. "You have an amazing body and a massive dick, the hottest ass I've ever seen in my whole life."

Alex grins as he jerks his length even more fervently. "You ever fantasized about getting with me before?"

I look away again, afraid to actually own up to that, even though he surely knows I've dreamed of it since he moved in.

"Come on, dude, I'm not going to be pissed about it," Alex says calmly, his voice close to my ear. "Have you?"

I guiltily glance back up at him. "How could I not?" I whisper.

"Nice," he hisses. "That's so fucking hot. Want me to shoot my load on your face right now?"

My head recoils at the invitation, shocked that he'd just offered to paint me with his seed. I've spent the whole semester imagining having my roommate's cum on my face, yearning to taste him, and now his dick was closer to me than ever before. I want his load more than I've ever wanted it, but I'm overwhelmed, my eyes wide, my mouth struggling to form words

Alex doesn't hold back, pacing even closer, holding his eight inch cock right in front of my head. "Turn away right now if you don't want it and I'll bust on the floor," he growls.

I don't move, my heart thundering in my chest, barely believing that my roommate is really willing to give me exactly what I've fantasized about. My dick is ridiculously hard in my shorts, pulsing wildly.

He strokes his length a few more times, my eyes fixated on his huge shaft, his hand suddenly freezing as he moans loudly, lurches forward, and starts spraying cum all over my face. The ropes of warm jizz splatter across my skin, landing on my forehead, my nose, my cheeks, across my lips. I gaze up at Alex to find him grinning as he inspects his work.

"I bet you've always wanted to taste that," he says suggestively. "I've seen the way you look at my cummy boxers in the morning. Now's your chance, dude."

Peering back to his softening dick, his bushy black pubes, I snake my tongue out, lapping at the seed painted on my lips and stretching the tip up as far as I can reach, collecting as much of Alex's cum as I could. My roommate's load could have tasted worse than anything in the world and I still would have greedily devoured all of it, but I'm delighted to find that his cum tastes slightly sweet, taking the edge off its natural saltiness. He tastes amazing.

"Nice," Alex hisses from above. "That was honestly pretty hot." He pulls his shorts from his ankles, stripping his shirt off as he walks away and climbs into his bed naked, quiet for a minute. "Hey, man, don't read anything into what just happened," he calls as he turns away from me. "Chicks never want to let you bust on their faces, but I figured you would. You got that?"

"Yeah, Alex," I say barely above a whisper. "Thanks." Thanks? I wasn't even thinking when the word slipped out of my mouth, like I was appreciative of him doing me a favor. I guess I was. I stand up and grab the towel I'd showered with that morning off the floor, using it to wipe the rest of my roommate's cum off my skin. I wanted to taste more of it, but I didn't want to freak Alex out either, now that he'd gotten off. Not that he would have noticed. He ignores me for the rest of the night, not saying another word. I'm not brave enough to be the one to talk first, even as I'm slightly panicking that this might now be our new normal. I hope not, knowing how much I would miss being his friend.

After enduring my roommate's silence, I fall asleep wondering if I should have turned my head away, feeling like we'd crossed a line Alex definitely wasn't comfortable with, despite his insistence in the moment. I don't bother trying to shoot my own load that night, too preoccupied worrying about what might happen tomorrow.

***

When I wake up the next day, I can still taste Alex's cum in my mouth. I'd gone to the bathroom with my toothbrush before passing out but never actually did the deed, worried that I wouldn't have the chance to taste him ever again. Now I'm savoring his flavor, my morning wood urgent remembering the way he'd boldly plastered my face the day before. My eyes flutter open, Alex staring at me from across the room.

"Morning, bitch," he calls authoritatively from his bed, looking completely serious.

The word stings, instantly making me feel like our relationship won't ever be the same. He's still freaking out about what happened, and I know we need to talk. "Alex--"

"Who said you could speak?" he protests, cutting me off. "I'm going to be in charge of this room from now on. You understand?"

I look away into my pillow, hating the way he's treating me. I know Alex regrets everything. Why did I let myself fuck up? I should have known it was too good to be true. I should have turned away before he busted all over my face.

"You hear me, fag?" Alex insists.

That word hurts even worse, making me feel like that's all I am to him now. My roommate had been fine with me being gay from day one, but my lust for him had destroyed our friendship. I ruined everything giving in. I feel myself cringing. "I'm sorry--"

"You're sorry about what?" Alex interrupts. I hear him launching out of his bed, his footsteps approaching me. "Look at me," he aggressively demands, his voice right there beside me. "Look at me, Tyler."

"I'm sorry, Alex!" I say loudly into my pillow. "I know we shouldn't have done that, Ok? It won't ever happen again." I'm already imagining the awkward conversation I'm going to need to have with my RA about switching rooms.

He's laughing above me. "Look at me, dude," Alex says more gently.

I'm hesitant to glance over, but at least he isn't scaring the shit out of me anymore. I slowly twist my head to Alex, surprised that he's completely naked, his dick rock hard in front of me. When I see his hand approaching me, I think he's going to hit me, but he playfully slaps my face, his fingers barely making contact.

"Well, I'm definitely not sorry," he murmurs softly. "I hope you aren't serious about it never happening again."

I have no idea what's going on, but I feel myself glaring at him, hating the way he'd made me panic. "What the fuck, Alex?"

"Relax, roomie," he whispers. "I was totally fucking with you, man. I don't feel guilty or anything."

"Ok," I mutter weakly, not believing him at all, worrying that he's going to snap again at any moment.

Alex grips my shoulder, his fingers lightly stroking it, almost affectionately. "Seriously, dude, I was just joking. We're totally cool. I'm not going to treat you any differently. We're still friends, right?" he asks like he really cares about the answer.

My anxiety is starting to recede but I'm still scowling at him. "Please don't ever call me a 'fag' again, Alex. I really didn't like that."

He actually looks guilty staring down at me. "Sorry," he apologizes. "I won't ever say it again. I don't know what the fuck I just did. Seriously, sorry I'm so fucking dumb sometimes."

"I know what you just did!" I snap at him. "You're fucking compensating because you felt bad about last night! And you scared the shit out of me!"

Alex sighs above me, biting his lip, his face still awash in guilt. "I freaked out a little last night, yeah. You're absolutely right. Give me a little credit, dude. I've never done anything like that in my life. Can you forgive me? I promise I won't be an asshole like that ever again."

My roommate seemed so sincere now that I couldn't deny him. "Yeah, Alex," I answer. "If you mean that."

"Don't be mad," he begs urgently. "I got over feeling weird. And then I couldn't stop thinking about what happened. And yeah, I want it to happen again."

Knowing that he wants more is killing me, but my anger retreats. I look into his warm mahogany eyes, hating what I feel like I need to tell him. "You know you're my best friend here, right? Having you ignore me all night was awful, and this morning..." I shake my head. "I don't think we should be doing sexual stuff together."

Alex looks pensive, gazing out the window. "You're my best friend too, man," he whispers. "I guess that's why I felt so comfortable with you."

"So let's not mess that up being horny," I try to insist.

Alex's eyes find mine again. "What did we mess up?" he asks softly. "I told you I'm fine. I'm actually glad everything is out in the open now, you know? No more secrets between us. We can be completely honest with each other about everything from now on."

The fact that he's the one resisting me on not being sexual together again is really fucking with my head. Is he trying to tell me he wants to go further? I don't even know what to say, feeling completely torn when I notice Alex smirking above me.

"You know what I think we should be doing? Making some new rules for the room."

I decide to play along with him, curious about what he's going to propose. "Like what?"

"For one, clothing is completely optional," Alex suggests.

I crane my head from his bare feet up his whole naked body. "I don't think that's a new rule, Alex," I joke.

He laughs. "Well, you should feel free to relax around me too! I don't care about seeing you naked. No big deal." Alex pauses for a second. "How about this one: we can both jerk off whenever we want. You don't have to wait until I'm asleep, or whenever you're doing it. Who cares? And you can watch me if you want. That would actually turn me on."