Nervousness Defined

So this story starts as so many do. My last relationship was a scam, it ended abruptly in a divorce, and I was pretty devastated. I married because 'it was that time' and 'she was the one' but during the engagement it was becoming obvious that it wasn't really the right choice for either of us. She had moved back to our home town and ended up as a bar tender, which meant staying out late and coming home drunk...which really meant staying out late, hooking up, and coming home drunk. I was working hard and playing the blind eye, but things eventually got to the point that something had to give. The divorce was really pretty quick work with minimal fighting, mainly due to the fact that we didn't really own anything worth fighting over.

Enter a month or two of drinking and sitting around feeling sorry for myself...

One night after getting home pretty late, I what many a first timer has done...opened Craigslist and started looking a the personals. This was before all the new dating websites so this was pretty much all there was. I started looking at the listings for women and realized that these were probably all just women looking for money. Not my scene. Then I hit the m4m link and my journey into experimenting began. The truth is that I do not really know when I realized that a man could turn me on. It wasn't early for sure. Not something I was born with or whatever. I got through high school and college not ever thinking a second thought about it. I guess it was sometime in my mid 20s that I realized I like watching the porn concentrating on men getting blow jobs as opposed to them railing some trashy looking broad.

Looking through the adds, I realized I immediately had a hard-on seeing all there 'real' pictures of real penises. Reading the descriptions made things even worse for my tight fitting pants! A couple beers down and I had a great jack off session just looking through ads. Afterwards was kind of a weird new part of my life. It was the first time I sat there and realized there was a real attraction to men. Some sort of weird honest moment with myself.

The next night was a Friday night. It was winter and ended up being one of those weekends that no one went out, cold and rainy. It didn't have that typical weekend excitement feel to it. I had dinner with some friends, but then headed home after a couple beers. I already knew what I was going to spend my night doing and I was kinda of excited. When I got home, I poured a brew and sat in my recliner and started perusing the deep dark interwebs. I realized there was an excitement that I hadn't felt in a long time. Even just starting to read the first couple ads, I was sitting there rock hard. I'm sitting here reading through all these new (to me) terms: m4m, top, bottom, NSA... this was starting a crazy new time for me!

It didn't take long for me to realize that I was mostly interested in giving a blow job. I (to this day) have no explanation for this. It turns me on, nothing really to explain it. I also came to the realization that I am Bi...I think the hottest thing in the world is a beautiful women and I love chasing that all day long. I will probably end up marrying another woman some day and have kids and family. Simple. I am a pretty successful, non-effeminate, 'lets watch football all day' guy. However, my new little secret and now obsession was how to make sucking a real live cock a reality. After reading and emailing a couple people...I was getting no where. Finally after an hour or so I got an email back. In the ad was a pic of a clean cut guy, no face or cock pic, but a very fit and normal looking person. Ad: not looking for anything serious, would love a bottom to come by a suck my cock; NSA and I can host. I messaged back: ad sounds perfect, this is all new to me but really what to suck a cock, blah blah blah. Now I realize that everyone says, 'I'm a first timer' and 'I've never done this before' ...it's like word vomit for online gay activity I guess. We sent a couple emails back and forth...he was obviously sitting at a computer and waiting for my replies. This was now very real and I couldn't believe it was happening. I was so horny by this time because I was actually talking to someone real about my fantasy! He gave an address, said door would be open, and to head over. HOLY SHIT, WHAT DO I DO

NOW??? This was all I could think about now. I was now committed, there was a plan, and someone real was waiting on me to head their way!!

I was so nervous as I walked to my car that I was shaking. The drive to his house was 3-4 miles and I almost turned around multiple times. While many people online were flakes...I was not. If I said I was coming then dammit I was going to show up.

The house was a fairly large house on a great street. I walked through the door after knocking and looked up a set of stairs. Everything was fairly dark which definitely made is easier on the nerves, but also a little eery. I walked to the top of the stairs and into the first bed room on the right as previously instructed. I remember it all so very clearly, it was a very clean room with the bed made. He said hi and asked if I wanted a beer. I was so nervous and horny that I said no and just wanted to get things going. I wasn't really sure how to start things and apparently it was obvious because he stepped towards me and got close. He was like, real close. In my person space in a way that another man had never been. It was a new and strange feeling. I could smell a trace of alcohol and cologne. He did not try and kiss me or anything but simply reached out and rubbed on my crouch. I was 110% superman hard and I'm sure he could have seen the outline. I could have immediately cummed. I had been so horny now for over an hour or two and it was all too much.

I didn't want that to happen so I stepped back and rubbed on his pants. I could feel his cock through his jeans. It was still soft but I could feel the changes starting. I got on my knees! This was happening! I slowly started to unbutton his pants and slide them down slowly. He was a little older than me but super fit. He had on old school white underwear, which I don't like, but it made it even hotter in the moment. It gave the 'older man' vibe and I was digging it. I slid everything down and he stepped out of his jeans and underwear. I remember this like it was yesterday. His cock was now semi hard and I put one hand under his balls and cupped them as I prepared to start my very first blowjob! This was real, this is actually happening, I kept telling myself. I put my other hand on his hips in the front...he had a small outline of that V shape (the dick grove is what I like to call it) and it just seemed right to put my hand next to it. I had never touched a man like this before and it felt soooo different. Women are soft and supple and a man just feels different. He was soft skin and then a hardness under it that I had never felt before. Just different!

As I was getting ready to nurse this cock it did a 'pulse' as it was growing and filling with blood. It was right there in my face and as it happened I kind of shuttered in anticipation. Everything felt so right at that time. I now had a cock sitting in front of my face with someone above anticipating a blow job. I was the one making that dick hard and it was so close I could seen the vein on the shaft as his dick was raising to attention. The pubes were trim and clean. The fact that he was standing over me with my on my knee was hot. I had never been in this less dominant position. He was the one in charge and I was going to be the one tasked with getting him off. SO HOT. As I licked my lips to moisten them, I even thought...I wonder what girls think before they do this? Are they as turned on as I am right now or is it just something they do because a guy likes it?

...till next time