Chapter 6 – Tommy's Story – Second Thoughts.
There was a loud knock on his bedroom door, "Come on Tommy what's keeping you."
Tommy opened the door and before him stood Victor dressed immaculately in a suit and tie. Victor was his new friend, well sort of.
"You look like you're going to a wedding," Tommy joked.
"Very funny," Victor snorted, "what's keeping you? You've been in here for ages."
Tommy looked at himself in the mirror, he looked amazing, he rarely ever got to wear a suit let alone a tuxedo. In fact he had to borrow the one he was wearing right now.
"I just wanted to make sure I looked ok," Tommy said.
"You look fucking beautiful," Victor replied, "in fact I'd marry you myself if I could."
Tommy raised an eyebrow to him, "Only kidding," Victor quickly replied.
In truth Tommy was stalling, he was taking a huge step today, today he was getting married.
* * *
Tommy had written his first letter to Ryan as promised and it turned out to be a real love letter, he hadn't intended it to be, it just turned out that way. None the less he was delighted when he received a letter back. He ran to his room and read it more times than he could remember. Ryan spoke of his undying love for him and how much his son Dylan had grown since he had been away. When it came to his wife it was a different matter. It read like a horror story. She had let the farm deteriorate so bad that Ryan had to work hard to restore it. It just sounded like everything was going wrong, Tommy felt sorry for him.
For months they wrote to each other, speaking of how much they wanted to be together, of how Ryan was trying to think of a way for this to happen. Tommy had no idea what Ryan's plan was but he hoped that he would do it soon, it was driving him crazy without his man.
Then suddenly the letters stopped, at least Tommy never received anymore. He was beside himself with worry, Ryan's last letter hadn't indicated that anything was seriously wrong. He didn't know what to do. All he had was Ryan's address but going there was out of the question, he just didn't earn enough to do that. What could have happened? Did he stop loving him? Did his wife find out? Perhaps they moved? Not knowing was sheer agony.
Most nights he would re-read all of Ryan's letters, now his only link to the love he once had. He'd lost count how many times he would cry himself to sleep and it was a good twelve months before the crying finally stopped.
During this time he was victim to the pressure of village life, Doris now boyfriend-less had taken a shine to Tommy. Being devious and manipulating she engineered things so that Tommy without realising was spending more and more time with her. He really wasn't interested to begin with but people started asking questions and making comments about them.
"Oh, are you and Doris dating?"
"You two make such a lovely couple."
Tommy wanted to fit in, wanted to belong and be part of the social life in his village and he found himself looking at Doris as his ticket to an easy life. God knows being a homosexual in a small village would certainly not be easy. Better to bury the past and his feelings and try to lead a normal life. What hurt the most though was that his time with Ryan did feel normal, it felt the most natural thing in the world. But that was two years ago.
He remembered the night he proposed to Doris. It was a warm summer night on the steps to the village hall. Why he picked there he wasn't sure, it may have had something to do with it having some romantic significance to him. Shortly after he had taken Doris home and told his Dad.
"Thank fuck for that!" His father had said causing Doris to blush at his profanity, "I thought you were a fucking puff for a moment." That embarrassed Tommy.
It was through Doris that he met Victor, her brother. Tommy hadn't had much to do with him before he started dating Doris, their paths rarely crossed. But now they had become quite good friends or so it seemed. Victor was nothing like his sister who was tall and beautiful (and she knew it), no, he was quite short and plump.
Things were now going well for him. Mr Rogers was taking a less active roll in the store and gave Tommy more responsibility, a little more money too. His father seem to be less hostile to him, although not much, he still swore and shouted a lot.
The letters from Ryan were now resigned to a shoe box under his bed, he stopped reading them, unable to stand the heartache anymore.
So here he was, dressed up to the nines and about to marry Doris.
He took a deep breath he said, "Come on, lets go."
It was a thirty minute walk from his house to the church and by the time they arrived most of the guests were already there. Tommy stood outside the church and greeted them as they entered. He hardly knew any of them, the vast majority from Doris's side of the family. The few that was from his side he never really knew either, an uncle and some cousins that he'd never met before. The only people he really knew was his father and Mr Rogers with his family.
As the guests was entering Tommy noticed a tall man some way down from the church. He stood by a large black car and wore a trench coat with a trilby hat. He looked familiar. Tommy squinted, it couldn't be, his heart raced, it looked like Ryan.
The man entered the car and it pulled away, Tommy in a panic ran down the path to the church gates after the car.
"Tommy!" Victor shouted, "Where you going?"
When Tommy reached the gate the car was clean up the road and out of site. If that was Ryan why did he not come over? Why was he here? As he walked back towards the church Victor met up with him.
"What was that about?" he asked.
"Nothing," Tommy replied looking back up the road.
What if Ryan had come over? What would the consequences have been? Would I still have gone through with the wedding?
His mind span as he entered the church and sat down with Victor. He was sweating now, was he doing the right thing? He looked back at the entrance hoping to see Ryan appear but instead the doors opened and Doris appeared looking beautiful in her wedding dress. Tommy swallowed hard, his heart racing,
This is it.
He turned and looked ahead.
The church organist began playing the precession march so Tommy and Ryan got into their place in front of the vicar. Tommy kept looking ahead as Doris drew up next to him, he couldn't look at her. The vicar started with the usual speech, "We are gathered here..."
