"Fuck, what am I going to say, what am I going to talk to him about?"
Stuart thought to himself as he drove along the nearly empty street in his hometown. The whole "childhood friends reuniting" thing seemed so strange to him- was he, the college student, really the same person as the grade schooler? So much had changed since then. How long had it been? Nine, maybe ten years...
John had been his best friend growing up, but in the summer between fourth and fifth grade, his parents had gotten divorced, and he and his Mother had gone to Louisiana to live with her family. Stuart had heard sometime later that she had died of cancer of some sort, but by then it had been so long since he had talked to her that it didn't affect him anyway. Like so many people, they had become only names in his memory. It was more than slightly surprising, then, that he received a telephone call from John last week. He had gotten the number from Stuart's parents, and wanted to let Stuart know that he was in town for two weeks house-sitting for a cousin and, if Stuart had the time, they should get together and catch up.
And now Stuart found himself parking his car in the driveway of the house that John said he was watching.
"It must be the right place," Stuart thought as he looked at the Enterprise bumper sticker on the car that was already there. He rang the doorbell, heard a "coming!" from inside, and then the door opened. The man opening the door was obviously John, but if Stuart had thought that he was a different person now than the kid, John would have been an entirely different species.
They had both been the "brains" of the class. They weren't old enough yet to have become full-blown nerds, but that seemed to be their futures. Stuart had gotten involved in football in high school, and, while never one of the superstars, had done well enough to exist on the periphery of the "cool" kids. John, it appeared, had done better. Growing up, John had been almost frail in his thinness, but now, although he was still thin, it appeared much more healthy, like that of a swimmer or a diver. His fashion sense had also noticeably improved- John was that kid in every school with the poorly done home haircut and the slightly out of date clothes. Now, he looked like he was ready to hit a club, with one of the trendy button-down club shirts over a pair of jeans that looked suspiciously new, even though they appeared to be well-worn.
"Hey Stu, it's damn good to see you again. I wondered whatever the hell happened to you! Come on in and grab a beer." Not waiting for an answer, John shoved a bottle into Stu's hand, and then moved aside to let him in.
The awkwardness that he had expected never came, but there was a lot to catch up on. Stu filled John in on what happened to all their classmates, including the latest gossip about Alex Hedges, the troublemaker of the class, who was now in jail awaiting trial for three counts of statutory rape. He heard about how all the stories about the terrible state of Louisiana's schools were true, and about the strange backwoods family that would come visit John and his mother every few months. John had wound up going to Columbia, but dropped out after a year to pursue a modeling career. How he had gotten into that involved an entertaining and convoluted story involving a drag queen roommate, a college theater production, and a failed bid to appear on a reality show. That explained the fashion transformation, Stu thought.
Stu wasn't prepared for what happened next. "I have to tell you something, man. I'm gay. Sorry, I know it's weird to be telling you about being in the Sears catalog one second, and then telling you about who I like to sleep with. It's just that I haven't told anyone who knew me outside of New York, and I really wanted to."
Stu wasn't sure what to say, and stumbled getting the words out. "That's cool... I mean, who really cares, right? I'm happy for you, that you're doing what you want, I mean..."
John laughed. "It's ok, man. I'm long past needing validation." That last part put Stu at much more ease, and he asked John when he knew, and if he had told his family, and what it was like coming out to himself. "And so, I just sort of always knew, but didn't really want to admit it to myself," John finished.
His openness about all the difficulties he had really impressed Stu, who found himself telling John, "you know, I've never told anyone this, but I've always wondered what it would be like. I mean, how does anyone ever really know what they want without seeing what's all out there?"
"So why haven't you?"
"I don't know, I'm not really interested enough to really do anything."
"So why even worry about it?"
"It's something to think about. I watched a gay porn once and liked it enough. I guess I don't feel anonymous or safe enough with anyone."