Roommate Wanted

Roommate Wanted

Leo-

Freshman year of college was sixteen years ago. That was the year that Aiden and I were roommates. Not by choice. The school made the dorm assignments before day one, before orientation and before the incoming students had a chance to meet each other. Aiden and I were randomly drafted together. Had we not been assigned as roommates, we never would have met. Our majors were as different as our interests and our paths would never have crossed.

He was an English/Lit major and I was in Business. He was into artsy shit and I was into athletic shit. He played music and wrote poetry while I played football and went to parties. He was always reading, visiting the library and hanging out at Barnes & Noble while I was in the gym working out and going anywhere and everywhere my fake ID would get me into. Yes...our interests were quite different.

But we were paired up and over the course of sharing a small space for nine months, we spent a fair amount of time together. Time that I actually didn't hate. As different as we were, I couldn't help but like the guy. And since I am as loveable as a person can be, he didn't hate me either. We even had some late night heart to heart talks about family and goals and things we probably wouldn't say to another person if it wasn't after midnight and completely dark in the room.

Yeah, Aiden was a good guy. He was easy to room with, tolerant of me and my extra-ness and just a solid constant in the new and changing life of a college freshman. He only had one annoying habit that I was forced to tolerate, and even with that, I was more pretending to be annoyed than I was actually annoyed. If I could turn back time, I would have talked to him about rooming together at least one more year. By junior year I was in off-campus housing anyway, but sophomores are allowed to request roommates and I went with a football teammate, my best friend at the time. Long story short, the teammate and I were no longer best friends by the end of sophomore year.

At the time I assumed that Aiden would have been happy to go off and do his own thing too. I mean, we got along great but we orbited in different galaxies. Surely he had other friends he would prefer for year two. But we never talked about it and after the fact, I had the thought that I may have just abandoned him. And as predicted, once we weren't roommates anymore, we never saw each other again on that campus of over twelve thousand.

Five years ago I accepted a new job that brought me to Portland. I remembered that Aiden was from Portland, but college graduation was twelve years ago and who knows where life might have taken him. And even if he still lived here, the city is vast. Chances of randomly bumping into him would be miniscule. I mean, we could have searched for each other on social media, but we're guys. Dudes don't really do that. Plus he might feel like I ghosted him fifteen years ago before ghosting was even a thing.

Two months ago I decided to move into a luxury apartment located downtown and near my office. I could just afford it on my own but it left things tight budget-wise as far as other expenses went. The solution was to advertise for a roommate. Is it sad for a thirty-four year old man to need a roommate? Maybe. But who cares what people think. I never did. I prefer a nice apartment close to work over a long commute in subpar conditions. I also like the company of living with someone. I had been living with someone up until six months ago when we broke up, and I've been on my own ever since. The break up was the right thing for both of us, but still... I hate the loneliness.

I was in in the middle of vetting applicants through a series of Skype interviews when I realized that one of them was Aiden. We met up virtually and from what I could tell on my laptop screen, despite the passing of fifteen years, he seemed very much like the Aiden I remembered. My search was over. The decision was made.

Today he is moving in. My intercom announces his arrival and I buzz him up. I give him a minute for the elevator ride and then I open the door before he can knock. Right there in the hall he drops his bags, spreads his arms and beckons me in for a hug. What can I do? I grin and accept his embrace. We step back a couple feet and look each other over from head to toe. He looks good. He looks healthy. And then he reminds me of his one bad habit when he says, "Leopold!" I hate being called Leopold. Every other person on the face of the earth calls me "Leo", as I instruct them to. Only Aiden has ever gotten away with calling me Leopold. And damn if I don't actually like it when he does.

Aiden-

I couldn't believe it when I saw Leopold's ad for a roommate. I had no clue he was in Portland. College had been out of state for both of us, but he lived in Columbus. When our one year of cohabitation ended, I figured he and I would never see each other again. It made sense that he would want to room with a teammate as a sophomore. But I genuinely liked him and I thought that maybe we could be friends after, but running in different circles and our homebases being 2500 miles apart, I figured it was futile.

Sixteen years ago on move-in day for freshmen, I was late. Really late. I didn't arrive until after dinner. When I checked in, the lady in the admin office gave me my dorm info and told me that my roommate was Leopold. She didn't know any better. Full names were all that were on her roster. Mike was Michael. Bill was William and so forth. She said, "Leopold". But when I got to the room, it was empty. All of his stuff was there, but he was out. By the time I finished unpacking myself, it was after 10:00 and still no Leopold.

Having missed dinner, I was starving. I went out in search of even just a crummy vending machine. I needed something. I wandered the campus for a while and ended up settling for a bag of Doritos and a Kit Kat bar. It was almost midnight before I made it back to the dorm. As I walked past the common area at the end of the hall, I noticed that there was someone in there. He was swallowed up in a bean bag chair and when he noticed me, he waved me over frantically and asked for help.

I asked him if he had a room in the building and he recited my room number. I stood above him and stared down. Does he seriously need a rescue here? He can't get up out of the bean bag chair? Really?

Reading my unverbalized questions on my face, he said, "When I plopped down in this thing two hours ago, I might have been just the tiniest bit drunk."

I scoffed, "On the first night?"

He scoffed back, "Yeah. There were so many first night parties to choose from."

"Was the party here?"

"No. But a small group of us came back here and were talking. Slowly, one by one, everyone else left. It wasn't until I was alone that I realized I was trapped in this thing. It's like quicksand."

I laughed. "Are you sure you're not still drunk?"

"I'm not. But I could use a hand."

I said, "By the way, Leopold, I'm Aiden, your roommate."

He stretched out his hand, "I'm Leo. Everyone calls me Leo."

I took his outstretched hand and he pulled me down on top of him. I had thought we were shaking hands in greeting and he thought I was prepared to pull him up out of his bean bag prison. It took me a moment to gather myself and work my way off of him. And while I struggled for purchase, I found that we were thighs to thighs, hips to hips, belly to belly, chest to chest and nose to nose. The intimacy made me flush. It was awkward but also hilarious and a great way to break the ice. Had I fallen differently, I could have inadvertently kneed him in the junk. That would have been even more awkward.

I finally managed my way back to an upright position and he scoffed again, "How weak are you?"

"I wasn't ready! I thought we were shaking 'hello'. You're the one who yanked me down on top of you."

We were both cracking up.

He held out his hand again, "I could still use an assist."

I flexed for him modeling my nonexistent bicep, "I can do this."

He shook his head, laughing.

I planted my feet, took his hand and remained upright as I pulled him free from his deathtrap. Whoa! He was really swallowed up in that thing. The dude was huge. He had me beat by at least three inches and forty pounds - all muscle. Add into the mix his wavy blond hair and fierce blue eyes... I felt a tingle. And when he looked at me, I got goosebumps. Then, probably because he had been trapped for quite some time, he stretched his arms above his head, yawning. When he reached up, his shirt lifted revealing a strip of bare skin across his lower abdomen above his waistline. The sight thrilled me to my core.

We shook hands properly this time and I said, "It's nice to meet you, Leopold."

He cocked an eyebrow at me, "I told you to call me Leo."

I shook my head, "No you didn't. What you said was that everyone calls you 'Leo'. I am not 'everyone'."

"But—"

I help up a hand, "No. It's too late. You are officially Leopold in my mind and there's no going back."

"What if that's not okay with me?"

"I basically just saved your life."

He scoffed, "Right. Only after you tried and failed to kill me first."

"It was

you

who tried to kill

me

!"

He just grinned at me.

I grinned back, "Anyway, you owe me. You can make this one sacrifice."

And he did. For our nine months of being roomies, I always called him Leopold. He always had a slight reaction that he thought I didn't notice. Sometimes it was the smallest smile. Other times it was a little shake of the head. Occasionally it was a quirk of an eyebrow. But he never made me stop.

And right now, in the hall, in front of the door to his (our) apartment, I say, "Leopold!"

Leo-

After fifteen years, I still get a little shiver when Aiden calls me Leopold. To this day, he remains the only person to whom I've granted that privilege. I can't help but smile as I recall the night we met. I couldn't get a proper look at him until I was up and out of that ridiculous bean bag thing. And when I did finally get a good look at him, I liked what I saw. His perfectly messy brown hair and green eyes made me tingle on the spot.

But crushing on my freshman roommate hadn't been on my BINGO card. Being on the football team, I had decided before school even started that I would not be "out". Not until after college. It would just be easier that way. And if I were to really analyze it, I think I let Aiden go at the end of the year because despite the passing of nine months, my unexpected attraction to him never went away. Again, it would just be easier to not live with the temptation.

He was good for me that first year. I was eighteen and taking advantage of my new found freedom - maybe a little too much. Aiden brought me balance. He knew there were times that I needed to blow off steam and party hard. There were other times where he made me focus on studying and grades. He just knew what I needed and he ensured that I got it.

I like to think it went both ways. He was a shy kid, not as eager to party as me. But sometimes I managed to push him out of his comfort zone by dragging him along with me and loosening him up a bit. I like to think we were good for each other.

Early on, during one of our late night talks, he told me about how much he missed his sister. He and his sister were twins. They were close their whole lives, but they went to different colleges and were apart for the first time ever. I was an only child but I could imagine how hard that would be. The occasional party was no substitute for missing someone that close to you, but it was better than letting him stew alone every night.

Presently, Aiden still looks good. The thirty-four year old version of him features the same green eyes and similarly unkempt brown hair that works on him. It's a mess that looks intentional. And when he smiles at me, I get that same tingle I got that night sixteen years ago. It wasn't appropriate to crush on my roommate back in college. Is it appropriate now? I can tamp down my feelings, can't I? Was this whole thing a big mistake?

Aiden-

Thirty four looks good on him. He still has his athletic build. I wonder if he still plays football. Maybe some neighborhood team thing. Or maybe he just spends some time in the gym. I pay fifteen dollars a month for a gym membership that I hardly use.

I notice that he is in socks, so I step out of my shoes, leaving them by the door, next to his. His are multiple sizes bigger than mine. I had a virtual tour of the apartment on Skype, but now I get a real life tour. We sit on his chenille sofa and start to catch up.

I tell him about how I am a high school English teacher for a school in the city. The pay is just okay - hence my need for a roommate - but I love working with the kids. I explain that I had been living with my best friend, Vivian, for the last five years but six months ago, she got engaged. Something had to give so I decided to make it easy for her. I moved out and let her fiancé move in.

I say, "There is something else I need to tell you. I can almost guarantee that it will have pretty much zero effect on your life as I have no social life to speak of, but I thought it was only fair that I tell you from the beginning."

He gasps, "Are you a werewolf or a vampire?"

I chuckle, "No. But I am gay."

His eyes widen for just a split second but then he rallies. He says, "Cool."

I shrug, "It is what it is. And what it is is mostly irrelevant. I've been on like three dates in twelve years."

Leo-

Why? What gay man wouldn't be the luckiest guy in the city to be dating Aiden? Maybe he could benefit from some of my gentle nudging, like I used to do back in college.

He tells me all about the school he teaches at, the underprivileged kids he helps and the fulfillment his work brings him. As he talks, he exudes a confidence I don't recall from the eighteen year old version of him. This is a man who is doing what he was meant to be doing. It might never make him wealthy but something tells me he could care less.

He also tells me about his sister and his parents who are still in Portland and he mentions that he spends all day every Sunday with them. Then he fills me in on his best friend Vivian who now has a lot less time for him since her engagement.

He asks, "What led to your search for a roommate?"

I clear my throat, "I was ready for a change. I'd been living in the same apartment for all five years I've lived here and I wanted something nicer and closer to work. Nicer and closer to work means more expensive and while I might be able to make ends meet..."

"A roommate could give you some wiggle room," he finishes my thought. "This is a great apartment. So you lived alone at your last place?"

I swallow, "Actually I didn't. Well, not out of necessity. It was a choice. We were in a long-term relationship. Not long ago, it ended."

Aiden touches my forearm, "I'm so sorry."

"Well, I was too. It took too long to discover that we wanted different things. We mutually decided to go our separate ways. And now I'm thirty four and starting over. Again."

He squeezes my arm, "Starting over is better than never having started."

"It's not that different than how we were at the start of college."

He looks around the room theatrically, you don't have a bean bag chair in here, do you?"

I laugh, "No way. Those are lethal."

He laughs too. Then his smile fades, "Do you want to talk about your break up? Five years is a long time. I don't mean to pry. What was her name?"

I look him right in the eye, "Colvin.

His

name was Colvin."

Aiden-

I am floored when he tells me his long-term relationship was with someone named Colvin. He holds my eye and says, "I'm gay too. Always have been."

He goes on to explain that being on the football team was reason enough to not come out until after college. I ask him when he told his family and he says that he told his mom five years ago when he and Colvin moved in together. As for his dad, they haven't spoken in over twenty years. It's a moot point. He offers no further insight so I don't pry.

He asks me about my coming out party and I tell him that my sister has known since high school - twins tell each other everything - and I also told my parents about five years ago. I say, "I think they're in a permanent state of denial that I actually enable because of the simple fact that I have never had a boyfriend. I make it easy for them. It's not real. It's just words. I can say anything. I could say that I'm into cheetahs, but until I bring one home to meet the family, it means nothing."

He looks me dead in the eye, "I'm more of a dog person than a cat person and as your roommate, I get a vote. No cheetahs."

We both crack up.

I tell him, "You know how I said I'm busy with family on Sundays?"

He nods.

"Well, we do generally have Sunday night dinner together, but I spend the day on Sundays with my nephews. Austin is twelve and Brody is eight. They've had a tough couple of years and I try to help my sister out."

"By giving her a few hours off on the weekend?"

"No. By being a positive male role model. My sister is a single mom."

"Did the father—?"

"He's out of the picture, which is for the best. He and my sister got married right when Austin was born. They were only twenty-two. He seemed like a standup guy. He made decent money working construction and by the time Brody was born, it seemed like they were the perfect family. Two years ago he, Jared, was laid off. He didn't take it well. Over the period of a year, he slowly lost his mind. He was unrecognizable as the husband and father we knew him to be. The divorce went through nine months ago. The kids are still adjusting."

"Do they resent you? Do they think you're trying to replace their father?"

"I've been in their lives since they were born. I'm Uncle Aiden. They know exactly who I am."

"When you say they know exactly who you are..."

I nod, "I told them about three months ago."

"I bet it was the easiest coming out convo of your life. Say what you want about kids today but they are generally compassionate and inclusive."

"True story. I'm not sure that I would have been ready to hear that news from my uncle when I was in third grade twenty six years ago, but eight year old Brody didn't bat an eye. In fact, he told me all about his classmates Suzie who has two dads and Ronnie and Grace who each have two moms. It's totally not news to him."

Leopold looks wistful, "It's a different world. If we were starting college today instead of sixteen years ago, I would have been out. Football team or not. They wouldn't care."

I wonder what our friendship would have been like if we had been out with each other at age eighteen. Probably nothing would have been different. The popular ripped athlete with the sculpted body of an Adonis wouldn't have given his scrawny roommate a second glance.

Leo-

It's been a month and living with Aiden has been great. I knew it would be easy; it was for nine months way back when. We've worked out schedules and systems for the bathroom, cleaning and making dinner. We watch ballgames and movies together in the evenings. And he's out all day on Sundays, just like he said he would be.

It's a Friday night at the end of a long week. The movie playing on my 60 inch flatscreen is not interesting enough to keep Aiden from drifting off. The third time his head falls and jerks back up, I laugh and tell him to go to bed.

"9:00 is too early for bed. It'll mess up my sleep schedule for a week."

I snort, "And sleeping on the couch is different how?"

"It just is. Besides, I wasn't sleeping."