Southern Magic

We were at our spot, the Space Needle, this time making sure to stay well away from the edge. I was lying in between Nate's legs, his arms around me, enjoying one of those rare days where the sun warms your skin and the breeze flutters through your hair. In this moment I knew what life was supposed to be like.

I once read a quote that said that humans weren't made to be isolated, that we were separated once we were put on this earth and spend our lives searching for our other halves, waiting to be completed. I finally felt that I had found my soul mate, though it took some magic to get there.

"I don't know how I'm going to go back after meeting you," Nate sighed, pulling me closer to him.

My heart sank. I had been lying to him for a month now. Each day it became harder to contemplate a world without him and I found myself burying the truth deeper and deeper within myself. "I know what you mean," I said, softly. I had to tell him. But not now, I couldn't ruin this moment.

***

The weeks that Nate spent with Derek were the happiest of his life. He had never felt so free to be himself; the world had opened to him, erupting with possibilities. Derek was the earth to his moon. He felt himself gravitating towards him, not wanting to spend a moment without him. Simultaneously he missed his family. He missed the ranch and he missed the open country. He missed the exhilaration of riding directionless towards the horizon and feeling one with the land. Most of all he missed his time, things had changed so drastically over the past few decades. Just when it all seemed like too much he'd look into Derek's eyes and felt like he belonged. He belonged with Derek.

***

I was sitting at Gwen's room. She was the only one I could or wanted to talk to about this, besides Nate. The feelings of guilt were growing stronger. I still hadn't told him. I felt as though her assortment of stuff animals were staring at me with their glassy eyes full of judgement.

"So what are you going to do?" she asked.

"I don't know. I don't want him to leave." Just the thought of him going is incomprehensible."

"Derek, you should tell him. It's been long enough now. I know you're scared but if he loves you the way you love him he'll want to stay. You'll work things out."

"I know, but I can't risk it. What if he decides to leave the moment I tell him that I figured out how to do it?"

I saw Gwen freeze, the words she was about to say were lost in her gasp. Then I followed her eyes to see Nate standing in the door way, his eyes brimming over with tears. He gave me and look that broke my heart and ran off, down the stairs. I felt the door shut below me.

***

I stayed up for hours waiting for him to return. I played through the scenario in my head, over and over. I didn't see this ending well either way.

***

Nate sat outside the Space Needle, the place that had brought him so much joy over the past few weeks, their place. Betrayal. That was the singular thought echoed inside his mind. He couldn't believe that the Derek who the thought he knew, the man whom he loved, had been lying to him for so long now. Derek, whom he trusted, didn't offer him the same level of trust. He didn't trust him enough to think that he would stay. He looked up at the towering structure that had once been a symbol of their love and he knew that he couldn't be here any longer. With that thought in mind he started making his way "home".

***

It was still dark out when Nate came back. He stood at the door looking at Derek, holding the suitcase that Derek had conjured for him what seemed like an eternity ago, and uttered a single sentence, "Derek, I want you to send me back, now." Derek felt his heart plummet. He stood from his chair and worked the magic that would send the man that he loved back through time and space, tears falling from his eyes the entire time. And just like that Nate was gone.

***

I don't know how many days had passed since Derek left. My body seemed to take on an autopilot setting. I would go to class every day, speak to my family during meal times and then return to my room and spend hours staring at the ceiling until I finally fell asleep. And then the whole cycle would begin again. After Nate disappeared I was broken. That feeling of wholeness that I had was gone. Prior to meeting him I was happy because I had not known what it truly meant to be complete. Now that I had felt it and lived it I didn't know how I was going to carrying on living. I conjured a picture of him from the air around me. I looked at his smiling face, his golden hair and that smile, the once that could melt me into a puddle. I thrust my hand through the projection. Not yet, it was too painful. I turned on my side and cried myself to sleep.

***

After about a month of this my sister came into my room, in her usual charging manner.

"Enough," she said. "You need to stop doing this to yourself, Derek. I love you. Mom and Dad love you. We're right here for you, always. It's killing them and me to watch you do this to yourself. They know something's wrong and they noticed that it started when Nate left."

When he left I told my parents that he went back to Texas because the program had ended. I thought I was doing such a good job keeping up appearances. Apparently I wasn't.

I didn't look at her as she sat down beside me. I couldn't. I turned my face away from her so that she couldn't see the tears forming in my eyes, tears that had been freely flowing over the past two weeks more than they had my entire life. She hugged me and ran her fingers through my hair. I pulled away. It reminded me too much of him. I sat up and stared out my window at the street lamp glowing in the distance.

"I think it's time to tell Mom and Dad the truth," I said.

"I think so too," she said, embracing me. This time I didn't pull back. I cried into her shoulder.

***

The next day, when both my parents were home, I told them the truth. I told them everything that happened: the accidental summoning, how I fell in love with him, how I lied to him and how he left me. I told them the secret that I had long determined was unspeakable, that I was gay.

"It's okay, son, we know and that doesn't change how we feel about you. We have and always will love you," my dad said.

"This is who you are and I don't want you for a second to think that there's anything wrong with that or that you need to change yourself for anyone. You are my special boy. I loved you since I knew that you were going to be a part of our lives. We will always be proud to be your parents," said Mom.

They told me they loved me and my heart, my damaged, broken heart, swelled with love for my family. "I love you both so, so much," I said. I couldn't say anymore. I could tell that they knew how much this meant to me and how much they mean to me. I felt slightly foolish for thinking that this would change anything between us.

"Nate was a good kid. He just needed to go back to where he belonged, to his family," my Dad said softly.

"I know," I said. I sat in between them, surrounded by their love and for the first time in a long time I felt like everything was going to be okay.