Chapter Twenty - Keeping It Real
What would they talk about? Aidan was dragging his feet a little as he walked from the car to the door. He knocked and waited patiently. In the silence of the evening, he could almost hear his heart beating fast. Nervously, he wiped his palms and smoothed down his suit in the process. He had a mind to turn on his heels and run away, no matter how childish that would look.
Heathcliff opened the door, terminating his internal debate. Aidan had troubles looking up.
"Come in," Heathcliff said gently and made room for him to walk inside.
He still didn't look at his host as he passed by him. Heathcliff didn't make a move to grab him and kiss him the soonest the door was closed like on previous occasions. Instead, he was silent.
They were both silent, and Aidan could feel the quiet resting heavy on his shoulders. He needed to break it.
"I brought the, um, list. Feel free to look over it. This one comes straight from our research lab, as per protocol requirements. I think you will find there everything you need, but, of course, if you have any questions, or you need any assistance, I am available."
He walked to the nearby table and placed his briefcase on it, to take out the paper and put it carefully on the shiny surface. Heathcliff was still not saying anything, and it was unnerving to be the only one babbling.
"I will look over it. But we have more pressing matters to discuss, about you and me," Heathcliff eventually said.
Aidan didn't reply. Instead, he fiddled with the list of ingredients, trying to make it sit flat, and smoothing down a turned corner. What would Heathcliff say next? That he considered their deal a mistake? Would he tease him again and have fun at his expense? Heathcliff wasn't this cruel, at least not on purpose. Although he had known him for only a few weeks, Aidan was not so biased to hold anything against him that wasn't true.
"First of all, I apologize."
Aidan's ears twitched. Had he heard right? "What for?" he managed to say with some difficulty.
"For teasing you. I see how that isn't fair. Will you please forgive me?"
Heathcliff's voice was even, slightly calculated, but seemed profoundly sincere.
"There's nothing to apologize for. I ... well, I believe I exaggerated."
"All right. I have a mind to tell you that maybe your reaction was warranted given the situation, but I won't pretend that I know that better than you."
Aidan turned to look at Heathcliff. "Where is Heathcliff Stone? Are you perhaps a doppelganger?"
Heathcliff began laughing. "Now who's teasing who?"
Aidan smiled. He felt awkward enough without Heathcliff getting all serious. In a way, Heathcliff had never dealt with someone like Aidan, inexperienced, never having been in a relationship, and all that jazz. But the thought that he could be the one to make the famous influencer all serious and maybe a bit nervous seemed ludicrous. It was up to him to diffuse the situation.
"I'm sorry I walked out. Just that ... Can I just ask for one thing?"
"Sure," Heathcliff replied.
There was plenty of distance between them, but Aidan could sense Heathcliff's presence, filling the room, like it was all around. It didn't feel overpowering, but reassuring and comfortable in a way.
"Let's just keep it real. We have a deal, right? I mean, we're both getting what we want without any of these ... complications. I know you're a natural teaser, and it's not fair of me to tell you this, but could you please stop teasing me?"
"Done," was the curt reply.
"Um, okay," Aidan said.
Why did he feel disappointed? Wasn't it what he wanted, for Heathcliff to stop telling him he liked him without meaning it? Maybe he wanted Heathcliff to tell him he liked him while meaning it. But that was not possible. So he needed to settle for this.
"But I want something in return," Heathcliff said.
"Of course."
"I want you to tell me what you would like to get from this deal of ours. So far, it has been only about me and what I wanted. I want to hear you speak up."
Aidan blushed. "Um, I'm not sure -"
"Are you comfortable sleeping here most nights? Do you want your weekends to be free of me? Are there things we did that you're not comfortable with? Should I stop calling you bunny boy?"
"No!" Aidan almost slapped one hand over his mouth. "I mean, I have nothing against you calling me whatever you want."
"Even if it's Sparky?" Heathcliff wiggled his eyebrows playfully.
Aidan rolled his eyes. "Maybe we could do without Sparky. The other things, I guess they're fine, too."
"You guess?" Heathcliff looked him right in the eyes. "You should be sure."
Heathcliff was only fair, but it was hard for Aidan to go ahead and admit what he wanted. For as long as Heathcliff had been the one to push the boundaries between them, he had been so busy trying to build fortifications made of sand that he had forgotten what his heart truly wanted.
His heart just had to suck it up, but that didn't make Aidan feel like less of a fraud. He was like a burglar sneaking inside a house, riding the fridge, stealing the valuables, and ready to bolt at the first sign of a key twisting in the door. An honest person would have admitted to his feelings. Aidan was afraid to do that. As much as nice a person Heathcliff seemed to be, being told by some inexperienced guy that he was his crush could not make him too happy. Or worse, it could make him feel entitled to Aidan's feelings without returning anything more than a bit of teasing.
He looked ahead with confidence he didn't actually have. "I am sure. I enjoy spending time with you, Stone. There are worse ways to spend my time, I guess."
Now he behaved like an entitled brat. Were he Heathcliff, he would send himself packing that very moment. Yet, nothing of the kind happened. He risked one straight look at his host, and his heart beat faster.
