Waking up in the morning I felt a lot of feelings. Last night was a lot. I feel like I hurt a friend and potentially affected the show negatively, but I also had an amazing time with Noor. My mind was in a constant race going back in forth between Jackson crying, Logan seeing me naked, my first time with Noor, and randomly the sandwich I had for lunch. I didn't know what today was going to be like, then I felt an arm around me. And suddenly I felt a lot more secure.
That changed quickly, as the two of us were getting dressed I received a message from our stage manager Abby stating that Jackson was not coming in today. She told me he claimed he was sick, but I knew he had lied to her. I should've known this was a possibility. Maybe a day or two off will be all he needs. I texted Carson and let him know to report to rehearsals today, he will be filling in as Guy for the audition scene.
It's a rough day for Carson in that his first day filling in is a scene where he'll have to expose himself to the whole cast and crew but in a way that's just initiation in this show.
I knew today would be awkward for Carson. I had no idea it would be THIS awkward. In Guy's audition scene he makes a complete fool of himself and is then asked by the group what makes him stand out, he responds by removing his pants. The audience sees his backside but the cast and crew see his front and they're supposed to react as if it's the biggest dick they've ever seen. Unfortunately for Carson when he goes to pull down his pants the guys all burst into laughter. I told them to knock it off, annoyed at their immaturity. Then Carson shamefully turns around, pants and underwear still bound around his ankles, whilst cupping his genitals in his hands.
"Carson this is awkward but can you remove your hands please, I need to make sure you're comfortable being naked on stage if you're going to step into one of these roles."
He did as I asked, and I looked down at him. I wasn't quite sure what I was looking at at first, I couldn't make out a shaft at all. I saw his testicles and a skinny little head sitting on it but nothing more. Rather this was nervous shrinkage or just an unfortunate level of irony from its current state Carson seemed to have the smallest penis I've ever seen. I told him not to worry though as he obviously seemed worried it would affect him, I told him the other men will not pick on him for it any longer. We ran it through again and the guys were much less cruel but I did see them making pinky movements anytime Carson looked away. A win is a win.
As we finished rehearsal I grabbed Logan and Abby.
"Logan I have a very busy schedule this evening, and I don't think I'll have time to give you the time you'll need tonight. However our stage manager Abby has offered to work with you tonight in my absence, I'll even throw in a dinner for you two my treat. Does that sound okay?"
"Sure that'll be just fine"
"Awesome I will see you tonight Logan."
As Abby walked away Logan gave me the biggest hug he's ever given me (and with him that's saying a lot). I told him it was the least I could do as a thank you for last night and I really did have a busy schedule this evening.
"You're the best wingman ever, thank you! I love you man!"
"I love you too"
we hugged, and kissed, goodbye just like last night.
After rehearsal plans included something I dreaded, something I needed to do, and something fun. In the interest of professionalism I felt it only responsible that I had a conversation with Joseph. As much as I dreaded the thought of it it was significant in moving forward with the show.
I opened up to him about what happened last night with Jackson, and then told him I had begun a relationship with Noor.
"Wow I was not expecting this when you said you wanted to meet, I just assumed I missed a few too many lines today."
"Be serious please. Are you okay?"
"Look I knew the risk when I signed up for a production directed by my ex, there's nothing that's gonna get in the way of me being in front of those scouts as long as you don't take it away from me. And I'm happy for you, really. You deserve it."
He goes for a hug and I back away
"let's keep this strictly professional"
He nods and walks away. Now for Jackson.
I went to Jackson's house as a way of offering him an outlet to express how he was feeling, between our conversation the night prior and him skipping rehearsal today I knew that emotionally he needed someone. And he was far too proud to tell anyone what happened between us, so it had to be me.
I knocked on the door, when he saw me he gave me a look as if he wanted me to go away, but he knew that my presence was important. Then he started crying
"I'm so sorry I missed rehearsal please don't take this away from me, I really need this and I hate that I screwed it up, just please please-"
"JACKSON! I'm not here to take your part away."
"You're not? Then why are you here?"
"I'm here to check on you."
He was touched by that and relieved and he pulled me into his embrace.
