The side of the bed where Ronnie usually slept was empty, and as I rolled over to bury my face in his pillows, tears streamed from my eyes. He had left me; it was a proven fact. His clothes were emptied from the drawers and closet, his toothbrush, aftershave, and shower gel leaving an empty space near my toiletries, and his disgusting Yoplait yogurt wasn't in the fridge. There were no signs in the previous weeks that something was wrong. We made love, as usual, ate breakfast side by side while Roxy, our black Lab, lounged at our feet, and kissed each other before bed each night.
When I had arrived home from work at Walmart earlier today, I called out for him, but there was no answer. It was Christmas Eve and the last-minute shoppers were crowding the store, looking for gifts. Roxy was sitting by the door, staring up at me as if to say: He's not here, can't you tell? I had walked through the house, and upon reaching our bedroom, I'd found the covers turned back, which was unusual due to our bed being made every morning before we left for work. I'd scanned the room, and when my eyes had landed on the half-open closet door, I walked over and peered inside. The space where Ronnie's clothes were now stood empty, leaving mine pushed to the side. I had panicked, opening and closing drawers and doors frantically. After finding no sign of him in the apartment whatsoever, I had collapsed onto the bed, my chest heaving with silent sobs. I had cried myself to sleep thinking of all the things I could have done to make Ronnie leave.
I slowly rose from the bed, wiping my eyes and walking to the nightstand on his side of the bed. I had already searched, but he couldn't have left without leaving something for me as an explanation, right? We'd never been the type to leave letters or surprises around the house for each other and seeing as he'd just moved in a year ago, we were still discovering our quirks, likes, and dislikes. I trudged through the house, emptying the contents of drawers, filing cabinets, and even coat pockets, hoping to find a scrap of paper, a napkin, or anything with words on it. With my forehead glistening with sweat, I stood in the living room staring at the clock. Six o'clock AM, and all night my mind hadn't stopped wandering, my heart hadn't stopped aching, and my eyes hadn't stopped crying. I went to the kitchen, poured me a glass of apple juice, and went to bed dreaming fitfully of Ronnie walking out on me.
My eyelids fluttered open and I reached for my phone, which was resting on Ronnie's side of the bed. A blank screen meant no messages or calls from him, and in that moment, I knew he wasn't coming back. My heart dropped as the realization hit me, my phone hitting the wall along with my dreams. After staring at the ceiling for what felt like an hour, I decided to make me a smoothie to calm myself.
In the kitchen, I took out strawberries and bananas, then went to the freezer to retrieve ice. Reaching for the tray, my hand grazed something that felt like paper, and sure enough, a small scrap of paper lay within my hand. Closing the door, I filled the blender with the ingredients for my smoothie, and after turning it off, I opened the letter.
Andrew,
I'm sorry that it has to end this way. There's something that you need to know.
I've been seeing someone else. He's been my long-term buddy from college, but after a couple of drinks one night a few months ago, we had sex. I'm sorry, but I hope that you'll find someone that will treat you better.
Ronnie
I slumped against the counter, my hands shaking as I reread the letter. He cheated? Why? How? I threw the letter on the floor and stomped on it. After everything that I've done for him, and this is what he does? I grabbed the blender and poured the contents into a cup, slamming it down again. I swiftly walked to my room, pushing the door closed with a loud
bang!
Nothing mattered except for the fact that my boyfriend didn't love me as much as he pretended to.
******
I stared outside at the falling snow, reminding me of my tears earlier falling onto my pillow. White blanketed the ground, making the indoors seem like a safe place to stay in for now. However, I'd been crying since I found Ronnie's note and I wanted a drink. I slowly rose from the bed and headed to the bathroom for a shower.
Pulling up to Rayshaun's Spot, I parked my red pickup truck and climbed out. This was the closest gay bar near my house and I decided that this would be the perfect place for me to unwind. Get a few drinks, watch the game, maybe chat up a few men; but nothing serious. Upon entering, I looked around, tables and chairs were on both sides of me. Directly in front of me was the bar area and on the walls were many TVs. I walked towards the bar and took a seat. The bartender walked over to take my order and I looked him over; tall, muscular, with brown eyes and black hair. Sexy!
"What can I get you?" he asked. His voice was smooth and low, almost like Barry White's.
"Man, it's been a long day. Can I get a Scotch on the rocks?"
"Sure thing," he said, smiling.
I focused my attention on the people sitting around the bar drinking. Most of the men were watching the football game that was on, but others were talking and eating. I turned around to look at the people sitting in booths, enjoying food or the company they brought with them. My drink suddenly arrived as I caught a man staring at me.
"Here you go, man," he said, setting the glass down.
I saluted him and took a long swig. The liquid went down easy and I smiled to myself. This was a nice change of scenery from earlier.
"So, what brought you here tonight?" Rayshaun asked, sitting down next to me.
"My boyfriend cheated on me and left me," I blurted out, taking another long swig.
"Damn, man. I'm sorry."
I guzzled the rest of the brown liquid and placed my glass down. I asked for a tequila next, not caring about my limits. I needed to forget Ronnie and what he'd done.
"Yeah, you're really throwin' 'em back, man," Rayshaun said as he retreated behind the bar.
I turned around, hoping to still find the man staring at me. He was nowhere to be seen. I didn't even get a proper look at him, and I was shocked to find myself feeling disappointed.
"Looking for Marcus?" Rayshaun's voice startled me.
"Who?" I asked.
"The guy that was checking you out. Yeah, I seen him. I think he stepped out for a bit. Were you planning on getting laid tonight?"
The hairs on my neck stood at attention. How could anyone ask me that after what Ronnie did to me? No man would be plummeting his way through my back door anytime soon. No need to get upset, I thought. No one knows your situation.
"No, man," I said, sighing. "Just came to get away from life for a bit."
"Oh," he said. "Marcus may not be your guy then."
"What do you mean?" I asked, folding my hands around my glass of tequila.
"He's been looking for a boy. He's a Daddy dominant. You know what that is?"
"Yeah."
"So, be careful if you don't want anything serious," Rayshaun warned as he stepped back behind the bar to tend to other customers.