The Pretender

*"Caught between the longing for love

And the struggle for the legal tender

Where the sirens sing and the church bells ring

And the junk man pounds his fender

Where the veterans dream of the fight

Fast asleep at the traffic light

And the children solemnly wait

For the ice cream vendor"*

Daniel stood before the office manager's door. He knew what this meeting was going to be about, and had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach about how it might end. Oh, he was sure there was going to be a spin on it, but at the end of the day, he was going to have to make a difficult decision.

Jordan opened the door. She motioned Daniel to come in.

"Daniel... I have heard some disparaging things about you." She started.

Daniel remained silent.

"Is it true you were caught by local police in the middle of a tryst at the park?"

"Yes ma'am" Daniel said. He didn't want to lie, sensing that could make it worse if he fudged the facts. "I was warned, but I did not receive a written warning or citation."

"You do realize that this behavior is violation of the employee handbook, correct? Rumors such as these have a tendency to get to the clientele and next thing we know, people are avoiding us here because of whatever reason." Jordan looked away pensively.

"Look, Jordan, I understand what the problem is here. I know that this county has leaned towards being strictly conservative, and although I never meant for it to happen- God only knows how hard I tried for it to not happen, it did. I have fallen in love with another man. I also realize, however you rationalize it, you brought me in today to fire me due to my sexuality. It just so happened that I made enough of a mistake, without real proof since the police only issued a verbal warning, so there really isn't a record. And if it becomes a choice, I choose to be me, whoever that ends up being. I've come to terms with this mostly and I don't expect anyone else to understand."

Jordan stared at him for a moment of awkward silence.

"Well, at least we're on the same page. Do you want some time to think about it? Officially you were in violation of the handbook, and are being terminated as such, or offered a probationary period."

"Nope. See you around." Daniel said as he stood up, and headed to collect his stuff. Luckily he'd already collected the wealth of handouts and items he'd created for the clinic's use, so he could potentially introduce them to a new employer. He was a bit worried about how this would look on his resume, but he figured, as long as he told prospective people the situation, maybe they would understand. And if not, then he didn't need to work for them. He gathered his personal items and took them out to his car.

He stopped by his parent's house on the way across the state. It was now or never, he figured, since it probably wouldn't take long to get back to his parents why he was let go from the clinic. He parked outside his parent's small house, but nervously procrastinated in his car. He was absolutely terrified of what his dad would do. Would he end up in the ER like James? Thinking of James, he pulled out his cell phone, and called Ben.

"Daniel, this is a surprise, what's up?"

"Well. Um. I'm outside my parent's house."

"Are you about to do what I think you are?! Daniel! Do you have someone with you?"

"No. That's why I'm calling. If you don't hear from me in like, I don't know, 15 minutes or something, can you call me back? And if I don't answer call 911?"

"Do you really think this will go that bad?" Ben asked. "Because then maybe you shouldn't do this now... you could wait until I'm there, or call Michael."

"I want to do this as much on my own as possible." He said. "I just wanted to be sure that someone knows what's going on."

"Okay. 15 minutes starts now, okay?"

Daniel took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Daniel! What a surprise, take off your coat and shoes, stay awhile! We have your little friend Mary here, you know, the Mueller's daughter.... She's single... the Muellers are over for dinner." His mom said with a teasing voice.

"Mom, not now. Where's Dad? I need to tell you guys something." Daniel said stoically.

"Is there something wrong?" She asked.

"Well I don't think so, but I can't say for certain you guys won't think that it's wrong."

"Charles, Daniel would like to speak with us in the foyer." His mom called out, looking at him warily.

His dad walked into the entryway.

Daniel took a deep breath.

"I got fired today," Daniel said. Before he could finish, his mom started rambling.

"Oh, Daniel! Well if you need to move back home until you find a new job we would be more then happy to have you here. We've always wished you had lived closer to home anyway..."

"Mom!" Daniel interrupted.

"Don't interrupt your mother." His dad said.

"Well she interrupted me. As I was saying, I got fired today. For being gay." Daniel stood his ground waiting for the eruption. His dad's face turned a peculiar shade of red.

"Daniel...well obviously they're wrong, you're not gay. We need to find a lawyer to help us sue them for breach of contract and wrongful termination." His mom drifted over to the cabinet with the phone book.

"Mom... It really isn't wrongful termination, I violated the handbook because I was seen kissing a man. They fired me on those grounds. I don't think anything can be done about it. And I don't want to work someplace where they are so closed minded anyway."

Daniel's dad turned purple.

"Get out. Unless you came here for help to stop being a faggot, leave right now." His dad said.

"Charles!" Daniel's mom exclaimed. "He's not gay, he's just... well... confused."

"No mom, I'm gay. I like men. I... can't explain it or help it. Despite the hatred you and Pastor Cannon infuse in the congregation, I have to stop lying. I have to stop lying to myself, and to you and the world. I am a gay man, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. I've tried. God knows I've tried."

Daniel's mom started to cry.

"Mary, go to the kitchen." Daniel's dad said. "Daniel. I'm disappointed in you. You've lost the way. You will burn in hell for this, you know that right?"

"Look, I've joined another church that assures me that God doesn't make mistakes. He made you they way you are, and made me the way I am. I can't change that. Why would God want to change what he created? If we can't see eye to eye on this dad, I can't be around your hatred. I deserve better then that."

"Then leave. And unless you're ready to pray away the gay, and become normal, stay away."

"This is normal for me dad. God doesn't want people to hate either, so before you cast the first stone, please look at yourself. If you change your mind, you can call me. I probably will be moving to Madison for a bit. Say goodbye to mom for me." Daniel turned, squaring his shoulders and walked out of his parent's house for the last time. A huge weight lifted from his shoulders. He was ready to move on with his life. He hit redial.

"Daniel?!" Ben answered halfway through the first ring.

"Yup. Went as well as expected. I've been told to 'Pray Away the Gay' and to not come back until I'm not a faggot anymore. So, you know, I've been disowned, but not injured, so that's good."

"Thank God. Are you okay mentally? I mean you sound okay with it."

"You know, it's a relief. I finally came to terms with myself and I'm not going to let myself be dragged back down."

"Good for you. What's next?"

"There's only one place I want to be now."

*"Out into the cool of the evening,

Strolls the Pretender

He knows that all his hopes and dreams

Begin and end there"*

Michael answered the door in his boxers, because he really didn't care who saw, especially since it was one in the morning when the door bell rang. Unfortunately the downstairs door didn't have a peephole to look through, so he cautiously opened the door.

Daniel never saw a better sight in his life. Michael was disheveled and sleepy eyed with just a pair of smiley face boxers on.

"Hi. Um. Can I come in?"

Michael was absolutely floored that Daniel was at his door. The man lived over 2 hours away! Even though they kept in touch and visited as often as they could, Michael had been by Daniel this past weekend, and they didn't see each other that often due to their schedules. He must have packed some stuff and drove out there right after work.

Michael realized Daniel had asked him if he could come in minutes ago but was so surprised he could hardly react. Finally he got his brain together just long enough to open the door all the way. Daniel slumped through with a bag over his shoulder, carrying a pillow and a laptop case. They walked up the stairs together.

"What in the world are you doing here!?" Michael exclaimed as they walked into his apartment.

"Well... I was fired today." Daniel said as he walked towards Michael's bedroom.

"WHAT!? How can you be so calm?!" Michael grabbed Daniel's elbow and slowed his progress down the hall.

"I knew it was coming as soon as I heard the whispers. Somehow our little interruption in the park was made common knowledge around the clinic. I don't think they knew it was you, but for sure, everyone realized I was the one sucking face with another man in the park. I was fired for violating the handbook, which basically means we are the face of the clinic outside of work and should act accordingly or some b.s. Things have changed around there anyway. So I'm free. Think they need a tech at the university?"

Michael stared at him, unbelieving.

"Eh, never mind. I got some money saved up so I can help on rent, unless you want me to find a place of my own." Daniel said as he turned back down the hallway.

"No, dude, I don't have a problem with that. Wait! Stop for a second!" Michael yelled as Daniel disappeared into the bedroom.

Daniel poked his head back around the door frame.

"What?"

"I... just... let me get used to what's happening here. It's not every day your boyfriend gets fired for being gay, and then shows up at your doorstep while you were firmly in a REM sleep. Just, seriously give me a second to absorb this!" Michael said.

Daniel laughed. "It gets worse."

"I fail to see how much worse it could get." Michael followed Daniel into the bedroom. Daniel was already stripping down to his boxers. Michael was slightly distracted by his lean body, and he forgot what he was going to ask.

"Well, I don't know if you want to know." Daniel said, climbing into the bed. Michael stared at him from the middle of the room as Daniel shifted down to lay his head on his pillow and snuggled under the sheet.

"Just, tell me now, might as well let loose all the bad news." Michael said.

"I came out to my parents too."

"Oh God..." Michael said placing his hands over his face. He groaned loudly. "It did get worse."

Daniel laughed.

"You're seriously okay with this? Or are you in shock?" Michael asked.

"I think I'm in shock, but honestly, I feel like I knew this was coming, and I think I have come to terms with it. Mostly, I guess. It just really is a relief right now. I feel like the weight of the world has fallen off my shoulders. I feel... happy. For the first time, ever, I'm happy. I don't feel like I have to settle anymore. I don't have to hide my feelings anymore. I can be me." Daniel smiled widely.

Michael just stared at him.

Daniel laughed, and patted the bed.

"Just... seriously... just wow. I mean I don't understand the full extent of what you've been through because my parents were surprisingly okay with me being gay, although I did feel relief about not hiding myself anymore. But, really? You're okay with this?"

"I think so."

"I think I need a moment."

"Then just come back to bed. Let's just get though the day..." Daniel said with a grin.