It was finally over.
I thought to myself as I opened the door to the hotel room that I had been calling home for the past three weeks and tossed my backpack on the bed. I walked over to the window and took in the Miami sunset before turning back to my bed and fell face first into the pillows.
This had been a business trip that just could not end soon enough. I had been sent out with Eric, one of the senior engineers, to see why one of our projects had been running behind and then if necessary, get everything back on track.
It had taken three weeks of being on the site and late night meetings but we had finally got everything straight. Eric had pulled some strings and we were going to essentially get to enjoy another week out here as a paid vacation which I was more than okay with as three weeks of working from 6 to 6 had been rough and left me exhausted.
I woke up to the sound of my door being knocked on. I looked down at my phone as I got off the bed. It was a little after 8, meaning I had slept for a good 3 hours.
I snapped out of it and walked across the room to the door. The sound of another knock as I was just getting to the door.
I opened the door just in time to prevent another knock, seeing Eric with his hand raised. You never would have known that Eric was a engineer by looking at him, he looked more like a bouncer at a nightclub with his size and build. I was 6'2 but he had almost a solid five inches over me and while we were around the same weight at 350lb his was almost all muscle. He was in his mid 40's and from what I heard, he actually had started working for the construction division of our company when he was like 19 and worked on his education after work. He brought a level of field experience that allowed him to really rise up over the years and was known for getting even the most backed up projects finished.
Despite working together for just over 2 years now, we never really spent time together outside of work besides the occasional drink with others from the office. I joked a few times when we all went out that I was going to catch old from him and the other seniors since most were more than 10 years older than me.
"Hey! Didn't mean to wake you but I wondered if you wanted to go grab some decent food and celebrate tonight?" Eric asked as I still was adjusting to the light and waking back up. Eric was
"Might have to pass on that. I'm exhausted and I kinda just want to get some sleep tonight, Maybe tomorrow or sunday?" I answered, while exaggerating the tiredness in my voice.
"Oh okay. It's no problem, I just figured I would ask. I'll see you later, Matt." Eric said, sounding a little disappointed but I had other plans for tonight. I watched as he headed down the hall to the elevators. His room was on a different level, he had got an upgrade after realizing we were going to be here a little longer than we first thought.
I closed the door and headed back in my room. While I was tired, I had another reason for not wanting to go out with Eric.
I had seen this business trip as something of a blessing and an opportunity to do something I always to but was too afraid to try. While I openly identified as bi, I had never really been with a guy. I figured that trip was going to give me the opportunity to hookup with someone and if it didn't work out, it was just a one night stand several hundred miles from home and that would be that.
I had seen this nightclub with pride flags on the building near where we were working and I figured I would go out tonight and try my luck.
I had ordered some room service at about 9 and after eating, I took a shower and ironed my clothes.
It wasn't that far to the club and the warm Florida air made the walk worth it. It was about 11 by the time I got in the club. The line wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
It had been awhile since I had been in a club and even longer since I had been in one even close to the size of this one.
I figured a drink was what was needed to start the night and loosen up. I just ordered a Crown and coke...then another.
I saw a few guys that I thought were cute but I was still having courage to start a conversation or anything really. Just giving a few smiles here and there.
Around 1, I went to the bar hoping that after another drink, I would be ready. As I ordered another drink, I heard a voice behind me.
"So Matt.....you know this isn't a good place to get some sleep, right? Far too noisy." I turned to see Eric sipping a drink while leaning on the bar.
I froze.
"Come on, have a seat with me and let's talk." he said, while pointing to a table off to the side.
Eric continued to sip his drink as I just stood there motionless. I wasn't sure what to do and currently didn't see any others options.
The bass drop from the song blaring throughout the club brought me back to reality.
After working up some more nerve, I turned back to the bar and downed my drink.
"Want another?" Eric said with a laugh.
"I'm good. Where are we going?" I said as I turned and followed Eric over to the table along the wall.
After we sat down I felt my heart pounding like it was trying to escape my chest.
"So what brings you out tonight? I mean if you didn't want to come out with me you could have just said that. I watched as Eric leaned back in the chair, looking at me for an answer.
"Ok so let me make this clear, it wasn't anything like that. I just had something I wanted to do and I wasn't really trying to broadcast it!" I looked down at the floor like a kid who disappointed his whole family.
"So what did you want to do?" Eric asked as he leaned forward to grab his drink off the table.
I sat there thinking if I should tell the whole truth or not. It dawned on me that if Eric was here and was not afraid to approach me at the bar then I would be telling him the truth.
"I.. um... need another drink before I tell you." I felt like I hit a wall with my words and tried to stand up and head to the bar but I felt eric put his hand on my knee, a sign that everything was ok and to take my time.
Eric raised his glass and caught the eye of the bartender before pointing to me. It felt like forever but eventually some came and brought me another drink, eliminating my chance to slip away.
I grabbed the drink and took a large gulp hoping to force away any feeling of nervousness...
"Okay, so I figured I would try something new while we were away from home." I blurted out
"And you figured since we were so far from home that if it didn't work out, you would just forget it ever happened."
Eric had fully seen through my plan.
"So you're in the closet and wanted to step out just a bit?" He questioned, still sipping his drink
"Well not exactly. So most of my friends know I'm bi as I haven't really hid that I find guys attractive... It's just that I never have really been with one and I wanted to see if it was a side of myself I want to explore more of."
The whole time I was talking, I was tapping my foot, rapidly showing my nervousness.
Eric looked at me and I could tell he was still picking up that something was still not in the open.
I wasn't fully ready to tell him everything and I wanted to buy myself at least a few more moments of not telling him the full story yet.
"So Eric, why are you here?" I asked in a thinly veiled attempt to move focus from my own reason for being here.
"Looking for a cute guy to hookup with. Probably the same reason as most people here." He said, without even the slightest hint of hesitation. I shouldn't have been surprised, he was known around the office for being pretty straight forward and cutting right through the bullshit. I never had even wondered about his sexuality because it had never been relevant or came up.
"So now that that is settled, care to tell me what you were looking for?"
Eric had taken my attempt at deflection and destroyed it with ease. He wasn't going to let me out of this situation without an answer.
"I don't know!! I mean... I just... I wanted to get fucked okay?! I've thought about it in the past and I tried toys but just never had the courage to try and meet a guy."
Actually saying it out loud felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest. I was expecting Eric to bust out laughing or give me a disapproving look but neither of those ever came.
"Is that all? Kid, that's not something you had to be embarrassed about. Finding more about what you like and what you want to try is just a part of life."
I felt much calmer after hearing that.
Eric then stood up from the chair and finished off his drink, placing the glass on the table before looking down at me.
"Well, now that I know why you're here, I'll take my leave and let you get back to finding what you came here for. If you want to grab some food tomorrow, just shoot me a text. Oh and Matt, thanks for being honest with me. I know that was probably pretty difficult to let out."
I watched as Eric walked back to the bar, getting another drink before he disappeared into the crowd.
Over the next two hours, I cursed my social anxiety. I hadn't even left the table that Eric and I had our conversation at. My nervousness came back in full force and I decided that this was a bust, nothing good had came from it besides the talk with Eric. I hadn't seen him in about half an hour, before that I saw him moving around the club, seeing him talk to some guy and I thought they had left.