Three Stries

So many times I'd wished to wake up without a hangover, more times than I could count. Never, in all my years, had I woke up wishing I'd had one, yet, there I was, upset because I wasn't somehow incapacitated. I felt

great

, physically anyway, but mentally I was undercooked scrambled eggs—

worthless

. I got out of bed and tried not to think about

anything

.

It was nearly impossible as the events of the night before replayed like a bad montage video.

I'm not a fag, I just like a tight ass

. I could hear the cocky humor in his voice, as if he were stating something so obvious. I tried to think of scenarios in which I misheard or misunderstood. I saw this happen all the time in movies, when someone hears part of a conversation and overreacts, causing unnecessary drama. Even if I misheard parts of their conversation, I know for sure I didn't mis hear the comment that cut the deepest.

I really thought he liked me and I felt like such a fool for being taken for a ride. I'd crawled into bed with him when I hated him, I hadn't given him one reason to respect me as a person, so none of it should've been a surprise.

I needed a morning of pampering so I decided to do just that. I took a bath instead of a shower and used every product I owned while blasting music the whole time. I wasn't going to think about Shane, the fact he was nothing but an asshole, along with his friends.

There was also that lingering insecurity; I wasn't enough of a man. I was too much of all of the things he didn't like. Story of my life—too masculine for guys who wanted someone they could coddle and take care of, and too feminine for guys like Shane, who clearly wanted a deeper shade of blue.

I took a second to look myself over; I was lounging in a clawfoot tub, covered in bubbles. As upset as I was, I couldn't help but laugh at my current situation. I was soaking in a luxurious bubble bath.

Way too fem.

But also, I was about to get dressed and take a walk down memory lane and into my past life baseball superstar and alter ego: Donny Allerton.

Way too masculine.

It was a literal representation of my life, my struggles.

I wondered if I should pick one or the other—either be the guy who gets bi-weekly haircuts, monthly waxes, owns every beauty and body product created, and loves a good bubble bath...or butch up, be a

man's man

, spend all of my free time at sports bars, smoke cigars, wear dirty clothes, and go months between haircuts...

eww

! It was those exact thoughts that made me leave baseball in the first place. The fact I felt pressured to conform to one demand.

I resolved to do what I needed, which was space away from the DAKS so I could continue to be happy with myself without feeling undesired.

I had two hours before I'd meet AARP for my special guest appearance, which I was nervous about. They were making me out to be someone special, but after last night, I wasn't feeling anywhere close. Since I didn't have anything else to do, I took my time getting ready. I had no one to belittle me for spending ninety minutes getting dressed and ready for someone else's family reunion. I was going to enjoy it by taking all the fucking time I wanted. I gently splashed water over my knees and smiled. If DONNAS were here, they'd be calling me the Bath Bitch.

As I laid in the tub, I allowed my mind to wander to Kels, Thomas' grandson. Maybe he'd be worth getting to know. There's no way he'd have more baggage than Shane. The way I looked at it, he'd likely be an upgrade.

I sighed as I skimmed my fingers across the top of the water. As much as I wanted to be, I knew I wasn't ready to move on from Shane. I didn't want to be with Shane, but I also wasn't ready to jump into something else. That didn't stop me from secretly hoping I'd find someone who distracted me enough to help me walk away, though. I might not have been ready to move on, but I desperately wanted to show up to the next game with some eye candy on my arm and shove it into Shane's face. That's where Kels could come in, or maybe, I'd go back to Rafen's and try my luck again.

*** *** *** ***

Jack's house was barely on the outskirts of town. The closer I got to his house, the further apart neighbors became. I wouldn't say he lived in the country, but the nicer homes

definitely

had privacy and lots of property. His house wasn't hard to find, not with the thirty cars parked outside.

I sat in my car and thought of a million reasons why I should

drive away

. What was I doing at someone else's family reunion. Not just one family, but four! This was their tradition to get together once a year and play baseball, who was I to join? I meet a man during a regrettable morning, run into him at a park and meet his friends, spent a few afternoons with them, then took them shopping for a new look. What was I, queer guy for the old guys? And that means I automatic get a invitation to the unveiling?

I didn't want to get started on the potential disaster that was about to be my claim to fame. The whole thing was a

very bad

idea. I was a nobody, literally. If I hadn't been in such a terrible mood from the night before, then I might've manage to walk in and have a good time, but I was the definition of a sour puss.

I looked at myself in the mirror and cringed. Maybe I could plead temporary insanity? It was the only reason I could come up with to explain why I looked like a fool. I was usually poised and polished, but the DAKS had me feeling so insecure. Plus, I was stepping into a group of people who loved baseball and knew I had played once upon a time. I hadn't felt this much pressure to conform in years, so yeah, I guess I decided to

man up

for or something?

Frustrated with myself, I hit my palm against my forehead with quick repetition. For some unknown reason, I thought it would be a good idea to wear my practice shirt from college; a white baseball shirt with orange sleeves and black lettering that said Allerton and the number eleven on the back. Why did I still have that shirt, and why did I think it was a good idea to wear it? I looked like a washed up PE teacher whos dignity lay in old pipe dreams.

'Look at me

!

I played two years of college ball and now I need everyone to know!'

I adjusted my ball cap in the rearview mirror. I knew I couldn't stay in the car forever. With a breath of faux confidence, I forced myself out of the car and walked to the front door before taking another deep breath to gather myself, and knocked. The door immediately cracked opened, just enough to see Jack peek through the crack, followed by Mickey, and then Thomas.

"

You're here

!" They quietly yelled, though not quite in union. They looked around and awkwardly ushered me inside while shielding me from—? Fuck if I knew! I felt like a bag of cocaine being smuggled across the Colombian border for Christmas.

"We've been holding off the masses for an hour now, but we can't wait any longer. They're demanding information. We have to explain the reason we look good isn't because we're cheating and also, they're curious why we're so confident about winning today."

David glared at Jack, "They wouldn't be suspecting

anything

if you hadn't bet two hundred dollars that we'd win!"

"You bet two hundred dollars?" I stared at him in disbelief,

No fucking pressure

," I mumbled.

Mickey grabbed my shoulders and pushed me into a crouching position. They whispered amongst themselves and acted like we were on a black ops special mission and I was the thing they were trying to extract.

Saving Private Donovan.

"Stay down!" he whisper shouted. "We need to get you to the living room unnoticed." His voice maybe have been quiet but his wild hand gestures were almost deafening.

Thomas, Jack, and David walked as one giant wall while Mickey protectively shielded me behind them. I laughed because the whole thing was so fucking ridiculous. They were

definitely

going to be committed after they finished doing whatever they were about to do.

The room we were

inconspicuously

walking toward was alive with the sounds of four families' worth of memories, laughter, and love. The wall of men suddenly stopped. I almost lost my balance while trying not to knock them over.

"

Can I get everyone's attention

?" Jacks voice was loud and demanded everyone's attention.

The room fell silent and I cringed at how incredibly embarrassed I was about to be. I could only imagine the number of eyes that were rolling as they waited to see what the fuss was all about. Boy, are they going to be disappointed.

"I know we've been really secretive lately, about

-certain things

. Then we show up looking like GQ models, which had many of you scratching your heads, but we have an explanation. We want to introduce you to someone we met a short while ago, someone who has impacted our lives for the better. It's a funny story really, but after he ran away from a terrible one night stand, Thomas found him sprawled out in the bushes in front of his house. Then a week later we saw him running shirtless through the park and I thought for sure that Mickey was going to have to double his blood pressure medication and, as they say, the rest is history. He's made us laugh, he's encouraged us, shopped for us, and among other things, gave us hope that we might actually win this year's game."

"Enough of the introduction! Who's hiding behind you and why in the hell do you think you four have a chance at winning this year's game?" Someone laughed and the room followed suit.

"Do you guys remember who took OSU to the World Series two years in a row?" Thomas asked.

"

Number eleven, Donny Allerton

."

My eyes widened as someone shouted my name without hesitation. It was the strangest feeling to have someone know who I was. It made the whole unveiling even worse and I wanted to be anywhere but there. What if they asked me why I stopped playing, or hated me because I was gay, or too gay? Or any of a thousand other things that ran through my head as I tried to plan my greatest escape to date.

I could hear the joy in Thomas' voice as he shouted enthusiastically. "Yes, Paul, exactly!"

The murmurs in the room grew louder.

"Except, he goes by Donovan, not Donny," Mickey added.

And as the AARP parted like a curtain on opening night. David clamped his hand on one shoulder while Thomas did the same on the other, pushing me toward the crowd. I knew there wasn't, but it felt as though there was a giant spotlight pointed at me.

"Meet OSU pitcher, fashion extraordinaire, our good friend, and an all-around great guy, Donovan Allerton."

I looked around the room, but barely saw the faces because I was overwhelmed by their need to highlight me like a show dog. The voices in the room grew more animated and I was slowly engulfed by their family, who were evidently big fans

.

They introduced themselves, and asked questions. They wondered if the guys had paid me to come, made jokes at AARP's expense, and a few even tried to usher me off and convince me to play against my older friends.

A blonde woman playfully smiled as she wrapped her arm within mine.

"We watched all of your games and we're pretty sure our son had a crush on you, although he'd never admit it." She was tall for a woman and supermodel beautiful—blonde, blue eyed, and a slamming body—for someone who I assumed was over fifty. "Are you single or—"

Thomas had put a hand on her shoulder.

"You'll have to excuse my daughter, Donovan, she's being a bit forward."

She rolled her eyes and pushed him gently in faux anger. With a megawatt smile she continued, "He's cute. I figured, maybe, Kels and he could..."

She didn't need to finish the sentence because her body language, sly grin, and raised brow said it all.

"Shelly, what makes you think he's single?"

"I don't know, but a mom

can

be hopeful!" She threw her hands up then looked at me, "Well?"

I started to answer, but I wasn't sure where go with it.

"Well..."

Technically

, I was single, but was I ready to mingle? I wasn't sure, but I knew I'd grow old and die single if I waited around for Shane to think highly of me. Shelly and Thomas were looking at me with hope.

"I guess I'm,

newly

single?"

Before I had a chance to do or say anything else, Shelly was dragging me by my hand, through the crowd.

"You have to meet Kels. He comes off a little...

well

..." she looked at me as though she was trying to send me a secret S.O.S. "He's really cute so you should give him a chance."

"You're in sales, aren't you?" I joked.

"Very funny. You know how people love old houses with lots of character? Think of Kels like that."

"

Oh, good

! An old house I'll need to renovate," I teased.

She smiled at me then looked around and her eyes sparkled with excitement as she found what she was looking for. "

Kels

!"

She pulled me a little further along then stopped and put her arm around my shoulder as if we were besties.

"Kels, this is newly single Donovan. Donovan, this is my son, Shane Kelly, but we call him Kels." She pointed to the men standing next to him and began introducing them, "This is Jack's grandson, Aaron, David's grandson, Drew, and Mickey's nephew, Kurt. They're third generation best friends," she said proudly.

My brain short circuited with an overload of information, revelations, and emotions. I don't know what expression I wore, but I imagined it was closer to the same look the DAKS were wearing, but nothing like what Shelly was wearing: '

look at me

!

I'm such a good match maker

!'

For the record, it was a

terrible

match up. Thomas hadn't been joking when he said his grandson had issues, which included me. Despite their expressions, it was obvious they'd already had time to process everything—after all, they saw my introduction, they knew I was there before I did.

"I'm going to leave you guys to talk," Shelly giggled.

I watched her turned away. I opened my mouth to beg her to stay, to not to leave me in the most awkward situation of my life...but nothing came out.

DAKS and I stared at each other. I'd never hunted before but it was how I imagined it might go—the hunter see's the deer, the deer sees the hunter, but neither of them knows what to do. DAKS looked panicked and anxious, like they had so much they wanted to say, but not enough time to say it. I, on the other hand, had nothing I wanted to hear from their idiotic mouths.

Shane's expression was the most frustrating, though. If I didn't know better I'd think he was completely unaffected by the last twenty four hours, but I could see something there. I couldn't pinpoint it, but there was something crippling about it.

I wanted to apologize, cry, and run away at the same time. I hated him but I still

wanted

him. I hated the fact I wanted him, I hated the fact my heart sank when I looked into his eyes, and I hated the fact he made it hard for me to walk away. Hard, but remembering his words from last night made it possible.

I'd known from the minute I pulled up to the house that it had been a bad idea to go to the reunion and I should've turned around and left when I had the chance, yet I didn't. Now I was stuck in a house with Shane and his three enablers. I couldn't leave though, AARP had plans that included me and I didn't want to let them down. Just because I felt an obligation to AARP didn't mean I had to stick around their younger, evil, counterparts. I turned on my heel and left as quickly as possible.

I barely made it out of sight when I tripped. I would've face-planted in a seriously embarrassing way if it hadn't been for a large, strapping man who I was positive had some DNA relation to Shane. He was a slightly older version of Shane, 'Shane of the future' I thought to myself. He smiled, kindly, as he pulled me to an upright position.

"You'll have to be careful of Lola. She never knows what she wants or where she wants to go, so she ends up stepping in front of people at the most inopportune times."

I looked down to find a super fluffy, teacup dog with a pink collar spinning in circles. She was the cutest thing I'd ever seen so I reached down and picked her up.

"Hi, wittle wola. Aren't you just the cuwtest thing in the whowe wide worwld! Yes, you are! Yes, you are!" I cooed.

She went berserk in my hands, holding her was like trying to hold a flopping fish that was desperately trying to escape to the water. She was licking my face and trying to scratch my eyes out at the same time. She was perfect and I loved her.

"It looks like you found my lil' Lola!" A cute brunette, who

couldn't

have been out of high school, walked up and started petting and kissing Lola.

I expected her to take the pup from my hands, but instead, we co-held her dog, and it felt

weird

. We were one of those weird couples who holds their kids at the same time—a barf worthy Christmas photo. I tried to release Lola to her owner, but the brunette refused sole custody.

"Oh, no, you hold her. She loves you. I'm Nikki, by the way."

She smiled and winked at me in a way that seemed far too suggestive for someone her age as she moved closer until our shoulders were squished together. I would've stepped away, but it was forgotten when Lola started kissing my face, again...that is, until Nikki patted my knee.

"Come. I want to hear all about

Donny Allerton

."

I couldn't tell whether or not the way she accentuated my name was out of humor or genuine anticipation, but there wasn't time to dwell on it because she linked our arms together and pulled me toward a large, empty couch. She shoved me down and then planted herself against me, well within my personal bubble. It wasn't the first time that night that I'd regretted trying to play up my masculinity. If I would've been myself, there would've been no doubt we batted for the same team, then maybe she'd have left me alone. But no, I just

had

to fucking dress like a typical straight boi who shopped at American Eagle.

I fidgeted with Lola's pink-sparkle collar and I tried to steer the conversation away from me by asking how old the dog was.

"She's a year old. I found her after graduation while on my way through Cincinnati. I was on a road trip with some girlfriends. It was love at first sight." She smiled at her pup and scratched Lola's head.

I leaned back on the couch, lifted Lola to my face, and planted a few kisses on her nose. "Nati would've been a cute name. Nati from Cincinnati," I offered as an afterthought.

"Oh, man, I love that! We call her Lola Pink since everything she owns is pink."

I kissed Lola again and cooed, "Lola Pink from Cincy."

"

So, do you still play baseball

?" Nikki asked, loud enough to grab everyone's attention.

Several people dropped their conversations and tried to listen without '

listening

'.

"Kind of. I play on a co-ed men's league team."

She rolled her eyes as if I was purposefully being stupid. "That's not what I meant. Do you play for a real team?"

As a distraction from the growing crowd, I played with Lola while I nonchalantly. "Nah. That ship sailed a

long

time ago."

Shane of the future walked over and sat next to me on the couch next to me.

"What happened there? One minute you were

the boy on fire

and the next you were '

pursuing your academics',

" he mocked the Universities standard press release.

Somehow, the addition of Shane of the future to our conversation had been the door everyone needed to turn a private discussion with Nikki and Lola, into a college lecture/discussion with thirty of my closest strangers. AARP entered the room, followed by the DAKS, and it appeared everyone was curious about what had gone down over ten years ago. None more than Shane, who sat in the back of the room, waiting to hear about my past. I still wasn't sure how much I was comfortable sharing, not because they were all strangers, but because I had particularly high feelings of hate toward a handful of attendees.