Sorry Guys for taking so long with this. I've updated the first chapter IAW our sponsor's policies – for all who may have missed. I've got some ideas as to where this may go....stay tuned and send my some (good) feedback!!!! Would still love a word from an Asian on this!
----------------------------------------
The next day was awkward to say the least. Alex and I shared coffee in the kitchen as usual. However, I could tell he wasn't exactly happy with me. It was as if he knew something had changed with me in the past two weeks and that the change somehow involved Tan.
I knew I had lost a few pounds since my first massage with Huan caused by stress, but I was coming to terms with the reality that I truly am a gay man. Hell, I have never had sex with a woman and if I were honest, never wanted to. When I had jacked off to porn, it was always to scenes of couples and my focus had been on the men. I would always zero in on their dicks as they sawed in and out of their woman's pussy.
The vision of a man inserting his cock into a woman captivated me. I never felt that I exuded the power these breeders did. Internally, I needed to feel a man's power over me – I felt the need to feel what a woman feels when she receives her man's cock. It's odd how much I had suppressed this for fear of being ostracized by my family, friends, co-workers and Alex who I only now noticed was staring intently at me.
"Matt, at some point soon, you ARE going to come clean with me! Do you understand or will I have to make you understand?" Alex said.
I almost spit out my cereal, shocked at his sudden forcefulness with me. We'd always been equals as roommates, and neither of us had ever even had an argument nor raised his voice before with the other. Thus, Alex's words caught me totally off guard. I knew what he meant but at the same time would rather have lived in a state of denial because I really didn't know what to tell him and certainly wasn't sure how to tell him.
In my mind I heard myself say, "Yeah, Alex, two Vietnamese boys helped me to realize I'm actually gay. Can you believe that?" I can only imagine what he'd say to that. Could he believe the so-called "cultural lessons" the kid he'd met last night consisted of me learning to suck dick and take his hot, Vietnamese cock deep up my ass? Would he believe this same guy had so captivated me that I submitted to his demands that I shave off my pubic hair. Would he believe this modest appearing kid had forced his surprisingly large cock down my throat and made me his pussy when he took my virginity? Just thinking these thoughts caused two reactions: I got a massive hard on and my face turned beet red.
"Yes, Alex, will talk soon," was all I could muster as I gulped down the rest of my cereal and hoped my hard-on, small as it was, would go down so I could get up from the table and finish getting ready for work.
There's no rest for the weary as the line goes. And I didn't get any reprieve when I got to the office. I think Dave's competitive spirit had spiraled when he sensed I had somehow become more vulnerable. He became slightly cockier and less collegial. We had jostled each other gently in the hallways but now he was more aggressive – as if he owned any space we were in. If he wadded up a piece of paper he'd toss it on my side expecting me to pick it up. He suggested I get him coffee at several points during the day expecting me to remember the precise amount of sugar and cream he preferred.
Why I did any of these things for him, I cannot say. I guess Tan had turned on a switch inside me that made me need to please other men and by bringing them pleasure, I, in turn, felt satisfaction. It was like Huan had said as he watched his brother master me, "he should cum from the pleasure you receive" or something to that effect. At that point, Tan's rod was stimulating my prostate and I was at a loss to make sense of it all. But now, his comment seemed more clear. Overall, the change in my public life was subtle, but none-the-less, real.
Of course, there was Sarah. She loved making little "suggestive" comments, such as, "I heard from Huan that his little brother is giving you cultural instructions." She could have said, "teaching you Vietnamese" or something that didn't sound negative. While it sounded, on the surface, rather innocuous, there was a slightly negative connotation in her voice. I was a bit angry with her and wondered if Huan had given her "cultural instructions," too, but these thoughts, oddly, made me jealous. I could imagine her on Huan's massage table, her legs spread open, her pussy exposed to Huan's fingers and then his olive-colored spear. I could hear her moans as he pressed his cock deep into her womb in an attempt to breed her. And the pathetic thing; I wished it was me!
That evening, thankfully, neither Tan called nor Alex was home. I was already in bed before I heard the door close. I can only presume he'd been with his girlfriend after work. My problem was that I couldn't help imagining what they had done together. I could see Alex taking her into his arms and passionately kissing her, nibbling on her succulent breasts and fingering her pussy and clit until she begging him to ravish her. Again, I felt jealous. Further, I could see his hairy, manly legs and imagine his big, masculine cock and balls covered in a man's fur.
I was never a very hairy man, but now had nothing. My legs were denuded of masculinity in contrast to those of my roommate. I don't know that I liked my new appearance. I hoped to grow my hair back. But there was something frighteningly stimulating when I compared myself to other men. It was as if my lack was their gain – as I decreased in masculinity, their manliness as attested by the simple reality of the secondary sexual characteristics men possess from puberty onwards—increased. Men were made to breed – and my lack of desire to do so but to be bred further lowered my sense of equality with them while at the same time turned me on.
When I moved in with Alex, we were both recent college grads. I remember noticing then that he was handsome and an overall virile guy. But I hadn't thought much more about him – at least in that sense. We had been new to our careers and over the nearly three years we'd lived together, had become good friends. Yes, he dated and knew that my social life wasn't anything to write home about. Yet, he had been courteous to me and had never rubbed his conquests in my face.
The more I thought about Alex, the greater I was intimidated by the situation I was in. Here was a hot, decent guy who while never overtly hostile to gays, certainly wouldn't have chosen to room with one. Guys seem to have a sixth sense about these things. They don't want their manhood to be questioned – and living with a gay guy could result in that.
As I reflected on the men in my life, I came to the sudden realization that each was an Alpha male or an alpha aspirant but me. What's there to say about Huan and Tan, they already owned my ass. David was getting more and more assertive and Alex, well, he was definitely on to me!
There was little I could do about any of it that evening. But what I could do I did – I shaved off my pubic hair and what little else I could find below my neck. I didn't really like doing this – but I also didn't want Tan to have an excuse to discipline me. I had never been beaten as a child – merely an occasional spank. The thought of Alex actually hitting me with a belt or paddle truly frightened me. Even the slaps of his hand scared me and stung. I simply couldn't imagine anything worse.
Sleep didn't come easily. I wanted to jack off in the worst way. I wanted to pull my legs up to my chest and stimulate my ass as I imagined Tan ravishing me. I could smell his pubes as he sat on my chest staring into my eyes as my lips surrounded his cock deeply imbedded in my throat. Damn those images! My cock was rock hard but I just knew that Tan would know IF I played with it. Maybe if I saved up, my cum would become thick and masculine like his—maybe this was his way of making me a man? I doubted it but the hope was there as sleep finally claimed me.
I was groggy the next morning, not wanting to get up after having had such a restless night of sleep when Alex scared the hell out of me by banging on my door. "You'll be late, Matt, so get your lazy ass out of bed," he yelled.
