Damien was gone when Jimmy and I left the studio. I had almost finished editing the songs we had recorded and some of them actually sounded a lot better. I decided that there was no point in working on new demos anymore so my stay in New York was drawing to a close. It was after six and since we had been inside the studio for the past four hours, we went to grab something to eat.
"So, whatcha doing tonight?" he asked as we were waiting for our order.
"Dunno, I think I'm just gonna head back. What about you?"
"Yeah, so am I. I'm fried. Although, there's this going away party slash baby shower Lisa wants me to go to with her but I don't give a damn! They're her old college friends. Do you mind if I use you as an excuse to bail on this one," he smirked.
I smiled,
"Sure. I'll cover you if she asks," Lisa was his girlfriend but they weren't living together so it was unlikely that she would be asking me any questions.
"Thanks. How much longer are you staying? D'you think you might still be here next weekend then?" he asked because he was planning to host a party at his place for his birthday.
"I dunno. I kinda have to go back to Dublin - but I'm in no hurry," I sniggered.
"Yeah, come on, it's my 30th. It's gonna be the party of the year. You don't wanna miss it," he said with a broad smile, overplaying it a little.
"Yeah, I guess I have to stick around for that," I answered enthusiastically.
"Why don't you ask Rob and Jordan to be there?" he asked.
I hadn't got into details as to why I had come to New York by myself. We had often worked with him but we weren't close enough friends to talk about our personal lives.
I smiled, "Yeah, sure, I will. But I don't think they'll be able to make it."
-----
When we got back to his apartment, we hung out for a couple of hours and then I changed into something comfortable and decided to have a relaxing evening just watching TV in bed. I didn't want to think about anything or anyone other than what was on the screen in front of me. I flipped through the channels. After a good five minutes of this, I began watching a random movie that really wasn't good and ended up falling asleep during a commercial break.
I awoke the next morning, feeling confused and lonely. I didn't know what I wanted to do anymore. Seeing Damien had just reminded me of how much I was missing Rob and I kind of wanted to fly back home or do what Jimmy had suggested and ask him to join me here. I didn't want to but it seemed like I was going to be the first one to cave after all.
My morning erection was semi hard and I began thinking about Damien and how it had made me feel to see him again. I was slightly worried that he would find some way to run into me again. I didn't trust myself around him. Rob hated him so much that he had succeeded in making me have negative feelings toward him as well ...but seeing him... I knew there was still something about him that I liked more than I was willing to admit.
I lay on my stomach and buried my face into the pillow. I screamed as quietly as possible into it, and concentrated on not rubbing my crotch into the mattress. I felt so conflicted. My cock was fully hard now and I could have easily made myself cum, but I dared not touch it. To do so would be like cheating. I didn't want to get off while thinking about Damien. Although no matter how hard I tried not to, I couldn't stop myself from imagining what it'd be like to be with him.
I let my mind wander and imagined taking his cock inside my mouth. I wondered what he would taste like, I wondered how big his dick was. Was he cut or uncut? Would he leak a lot of precum from finally feeling my lips and tongue around his shaft, from finally getting to do this with me. How turned on would he be to watch me suck him off?
Then I imagined his back pressed up against my chest. I wondered what his skin would feel like, I wondered what he would sound like as my cock entered his tight opening. Would he moan quietly or loudly? Would he want it slow or fast? I imagined my hands gripping his thighs, and I wondered if they would feel smooth to the touch, or be dusted with tiny hairs. My cock was leaking beneath me. I closed my eyes tightly.
Then I began thinking that he'd want to fuck me - Would I let him?
Of course no, I wouldn't. That would be the ultimate betrayal. Rob was the only one who had ever fucked me and I intended to keep it that way. I was mad at him for not making an effort but my feelings for him hadn't faded at all. I didn't want him or love him any less and I wasn't even remotely less attracted to him. It was more like my feelings for him had become encapsulated, completely apart from the feelings I had because he just wouldn't fucking listen.
I forced Damien out of my head and began thinking of Rob. I wanted to feel his lips against mine, I wanted to kiss him and look into his piercing green eyes while I held him tight against me, rubbed my dick against his balls and slid it between the cheeks of his muscular ass. I wanted to make out with him and caress his body and feel him caress mine and hear him groan with pleasure as he'd feel the tip of my cock pop inside him... I missed the closeness we had, I missed making love with him.
I reached for my cock began stroking myself. I quickly felt my cum building up. I gasped as my body began convulsing and I shot my load onto the sheets. Then I lay on the bed, my heart pounding a little.
After a moment, I yanked my phone out of my charger on the nightstand and opened the Youtube app. I searched for our own songs and began listening to "
Sparks
", which was a song from our first album. It was probably one of the saddest and most relaxing songs we had written back when we were confused and lovesick teenagers and it seemed to be the perfect song to listen to. The lyrics we had written all together so long ago sounded particularly relevant once again. I closed my eyes and listened to the melody, the lyrics and his voice, the combination of which brought a lump to my throat. I took a deep breath and swallowed.
Did I drive you away
I know what you'll say
You say, oh, sing one we know
But I promise you this
I'll always look out for you
That's what I'll do
My heart is yours
It's you that I hold on to
That's what I do
And I know I was wrong
But I won't let you down ...
I listened to it a second time and when the song ended, I choked down another dry lump in my throat and thought it was probably better to stop racking my brain over Rob so I decided to leave the apartment and go out.
I showered, shaved and had breakfast. Unfortunately, as I looked out the window, it was raining. I checked the weather app and it predicted that the rain would be continuing through most of the day. I tried to think of how I could be spending my free time in a constructive way, since I had nothing planned. I thought about cleaning out my things in case I left soon to go to Dublin, but being a borderline obsessive-compulsive, I knew that they were already in perfect order and it wouldn't take me long to pack.
Then, I thought about calling Rachel, but I knew she would just talk to me about Rob, which would probably just depress me for the day. I decided to go to the gym. Since I was in New York, I had fallen off of my regime and so it was time to kick it back into high gear. Jimmy had told me about a nice private gym he sometimes went to and I knew I wouldn't be hassled if I went there.
However, I was there for about a half-hour when a guy that had been staring at me from the other side of the room walked over to me.
"I'm sorry," he said. "but I just wanted to say that I saw you in concert last year and I thought you were amazing."
I released the dumbbells I was holding and stood up,
"Thanks a lot. I'm glad you liked the show."
The guy was over six-feet tall, blond, and had a killer smile. I could see his body was extremely well developed, as he was only wearing a tight tank top and gym shorts.
He extended his hand to me and I shook it,
"Oh, it wasn't just the show I liked."
I felt myself blushing somewhat and turning my head to the side.
"Oh," I said.
"I'm Jake," he said.
He hadn't yet let go of my hand. I eased myself out of his grip and told him that he probably knew my name. He was very good-looking and he never broke eye contact.
"Listen," he started, staring at me intently, "I live just a few blocks from here. Would you like to come over for some coffee?" he paused, "Maybe talk about your music?" he smiled, completely self-assured.
I smiled back, thinking that it was a good thing that I didn't like coffee. I already thought Damien was straightforward but this guy was the kind of guy Rob had to deal with all the time. They'd always hit on him first so I didn't have to do it often. I had met plenty of aggressive guys, but I began thinking that this one was definitely nearing the top of my list. It wasn't that I was thinking about going as much as I was thinking that I was probably free to do so.
