This story was cowritten with Nemasis84. Thanks for reading!
Hey Elsa,
How are you?! I know it's been a while since I reached out, but I'm designing for a new musical that's workshoping in Manchester. That's where you live right?
Anyway, if you're interested, I'd love to see you and meet your husband. Maybe we can do dinner.
Hope to hear from you!
-Chris
I read the Facebook message then read it again and then a third time. I hadn't heard from Chris in over five years so to suddenly get a message from him wanting to catch up was a total shock.
Five years earlier I had been working as a costumer in Chicago when I had met Andrew on a vacation to Manchester and we'd been together ever since. I'd wrapped up my work in Chicago and moved to Manchester permanently in just four months. Once I thought about it, I don't think I even saw Chris before I left. Had I even said goodbye?
I closed my laptop and collected my things to head to the costume design class that I was teaching next. Moving to Manchester, I'd been lucky enough to get a job teaching costume design and running the costume shop at the University of Manchester. I pushed Chris' message from my mind as much as I could, but as I observed students sketching in class, memories of Chris kept popping up.
To call Chris my ex-boyfriend would be an overstatement. We met when we were both working on the Lyric Opera production of Sondheim's
A Little Night Music
. I'd first seen him up in the rafters hanging lights before a dress rehearsal. He wasn't overwhelmingly hot, but there was something about his quiet confidence that attracted me right away.
After being introduced and a couple weeks of flirting we had gone on a couple dates but we both knew pretty quickly that a future together wasn't likely. We just didn't have enough in common, especially in what we wanted in life. Chris was happy to keep doing his lighting work for the rest of his life, going from city to city designing and installing and never finding a permanent place to call home where as I knew that I wanted someone that would settle down with me eventually. But for as much as we knew that a relationship wasn't right for us, neither of us could deny that we had a serious sexual connection.
It was primal.
And both of us had felt it from the first time we talked. The first time he kissed me it was like electricity passed between us and from then through the run of the show, every moment that we weren't working we spent fucking. We couldn't keep our hands off each other; the lust was uncontrollable.
That show had ended and since we'd already figured out that a relationship wasn't in the cards, we went our separate ways. Chris went on to a ton of other jobs but every once in a while he'd be in Chicago for a few days on an interview or a tour or sometimes even longer on a residency or workshop. And every time he came to Chicago I got that same text from him.
"Hey, I'm in town. Wanna meet up?"
And I never turned it down. We had sex in hotel rooms all across the city and more than a handful of backstages in theatres too. Sometimes he'd come to my apartment and on one very desperate occasion, in a terminal restroom at O'Hare when he had a layover.
Thinking about it felt like a different lifetime.
Before I knew it class was over and I was done for the day. I packed my laptop up, but not before opening up Facebook to reread the message one more time. I considered a reply, but decided to give it more time.
I took the Metrolink across the city and walked the last few blocks from the station to home: the adorable three bedroom house I shared with my husband. Suddenly I felt a little guilty realizing is spent that last couple hours daydreaming about the amazing sex I used to have with someone else. But I reminded myself that there were some incredibly important differences.
I had loved the carnal, lust fueled encounters with Chris, but I had not loved him. Our connection was totally physical.
With Andrew it was everything else. We have mind blowing sex but it is a reflection of our love. Our emotional connection is unbreakable and in the end that matters more than any amount of crazy lust.
By the time I got home I'd decided to forgive myself for a little reminiscent daydreaming and as I started prepping dinner I couldn't help thinking back on my favorite interaction with Chris.
*****
He texted me one night when I was working on the costume crew of a preBroadway production of On Your Feet. Chris was in town with the first national tour of Beautiful: The Carole King Musical and I'd seen him two nights prior for drinks followed by a good time back at my apartment. His normal text came through, "Show's over. Wanna meet up?"
I was instantly turned on and would have loved to rush out for a quickie, but unfortunately it was my night to do laundry after the show. Every show has nightly laundry, but a choreography heavy musical needed lots of laundry done every night so I was in for at least four more hours of washing, drying, and ironing. I texted back my regrets and went to switch over the laundry from the washer to the dryer.
When I got back to the main room of the costume shop, my phone was buzzing with a call from Chris.
"Hey, I'm sorry, I really can't leave before the laundry's done. We have a matinee tomorrow."
"Yeah, I get it. But I'm at the stage door, come let me in," he answered.
"What? Really?"
"Yeah, and it's cold out here!"
I jogged down the hall to the stage door and cracking it open I saw that Chris was there standing in a black pea coat holding a large to-go cup.
"Hey!" I smiled letting him in.
He handed me the coffee and kissed me on the cheek. "I know you don't like coffee, so I got you a highly caffeinated tea since I know you'll be here late."
"Awww, that's so nice!" I took a sip of the tea and we walked back down the hall to the costume shop.
"Listen, I know you're working tonight, but this is my last night in town. We pack up and head to Detroit after tomorrow's show," had said.
"Oh shoot," I said. "Another night together would have been really nice." I gave him a wink and rubbed his arm.
Chris gave me a mischievous look, "Why do you think I'm here?"