Boning for Britain

There isn't a lot that I can say about this, other than I won. I'm not particularly proud of the fact. Not the sort of thing you put on your CV – First Prize in the Halloween Witch Fucking Contest. It was the typical stunt a Student Union pulled, something really outrageous the first year students could throw themselves into just one month into their first semester.

The concept was simple; bring your own blanket, witch, and tissues if you must, the student union shop was flogging a nice line in tissues, black edged and decorated with little witches hats, stuff like that. There was an entry fee, ten pounds per couple; the winner got the proceeds. All-in-all, there was five hundred quid up for grabs. The winner was the one who fucked the most witches in the allotted hour.

There were impediments like an obstacle course; it was not necessarily going to be the best fucker that won but the guy best able to cope with the conditions. To start with, the event was held in the open air on the floodlit pitch of the rugby club. There was an audience. Anyone who liked screwing under a duvet with the lights off was fucked for a start.

Secondly, contestants could only remove one item from their Halloween costume – obligatory by the way. Since the whole idea was fucking, it was fairly obvious which bits were coming off. Though I must say I thought some of the girls deserved prizes for their enterprising efforts to arrange access to all parts of their anatomy.

Thirdly, the audience was encouraged to participate, not in the actual bonking but liberal sprays with the stringy foam, plastic bats up the arse, that sort of thing.

Wendy was the girl I choose to be my witch. Devilishly attractive, you'd like her, long fairish hair, slim breasted, slim hipped, demure eyes and countenance. She has a serenity about her that quite masks her devilish intentions. Wendy was working her way through university, she'd started on the top floor of the chemistry building and was working her way down, I met her on the fourth floor on my way up.

She was an astonishing girl, slow to arouse but like a train once she got moving. She has a perineum was so wide you could have driven a coach and horses through it, and it smelt as someone had – recently. Still, you can't have everything and it provides a nice shelf to take the load.

The rules were these, simple yet subtle. You started with your partner, once one of you had come, you moved on to the next girl. If you had to wait more than a minute before commencing your assault then the man was disqualified. Winner was the last man on the job. Properly organised, they had a stopwatch on each couple, well a mobile phone with the timer activated.

So I figured if I got Wendy pissed before the event started there was a good chance she was not going to be a lot of use to anyone who came after me, on the plus side, she might even throw up on one of them, damn certain I couldn't fuck a girl with a technicolour yawn decorating her breasts. I noticed a lot of the guy's were getting tanked up in the bar, me, I stayed on soda.

About half past eleven, we assembled on the pitch for a costume parade and a ritual removal of the single costume piece. I was quite taken by a cute girl on the far side wearing a body suit just with her bottom poking out, I had a good idea just what I would do with her, if I got that far. For my own costume I'd gone for the traditional Devil's outfit, plastic horns and modified tail concealing a black vibrator, I thought a little extra help might not go amiss, especially when they were starting to tire. My plan was simple; I'd fuck Wendy, then go down on the next girl, fuck the next and so on.

I reckoned my main competition was a big black guy, I'd heard something of his reputation, he loved a blow job so the guys said. I could just see his huge black donger plunging in an out between Wendy's bright red lips, in fact just thinking about got me warmed up for the event, he was three couples behind us. I told Wendy to make sure she deep throated him, she'd had four double G & T's I reckoned she'd throw up and put him out of the contest. I only hoped she'd stay conscious until then.

Well the whistle blew and the crowd went mad. We got our fair share of spray. I could feel someone pulling at my tail and glanced round to see a girl I'd been with the week before working herself off with my vibrator. I told her to leave the fucking thing alone, I didn't bring spare batteries. Wendy was her usual sublime self, if a little tipsy. She is so slow to arouse you'd think she was polishing her nails while a guys ploughing his furrow. I didn't want her arousing too quick – leaving her ready for the next guy - so I shifted her position so the slackness of entry was less obvious and brought myself off in her.

I was on to the next girl. She looked really pissed off. Her bloke and been hitting the beer and was nowhere near performing. He got timed out and she looked relieved when I got into position to go down on her. She was sweet. We made a date to meet on Sunday. Oh, and she was sweet.

The next girl wasn't my type at all, a rather bulky witch, I had some trouble finding an orifice to use, and she wasn't particularly cooperative. I complained to the judge that she was refusing to open up. He said her mouths open. Well needs must, and I got through that round sloppily.

The next girl was a little honey, a red head, cute little ginger bush, which was nice since I'm a bit partial to red heads, especially when the curtains match the carpet, if you take my drift. She was considerate as well, telling me she'd come much quicker if I used my vibrator on her bum while eating her out. I was half way through the job, I could feel her bum clenching at the vibrator when I heard, 'Shit girl, wa you do that for. You puked all over my dick. Hey ref, dis 'aint fair, I can't fuck no girl wiv puke on my dick.' Thank you Wendy I thought, thats the competition out of the way.

I went through the next ten or so girls and looked round to see there was just me and an Italian guy left. That's when the Bonking for Britain chant went up. Poor Wendy was out cold and the Italian had her next. I just had to get through this next round. That's when I nearly failed. Someone had found a loophole in the regulations. They hadn't specified that witches had to be female. Now I don't hold any particular prejudices but I do draw the line at blokes masquerading as girls, especially Italians. You guessed it, that's why there were only two of left, few blokes had made it past the Italian's boyfriend. Still he was going to have coax some life out of Wendy and I couldn't see how he was going to do that, his boyfriend was just going to have too grin while I bared it.

To be honest he was quite good, I suppose it's a bloke thing, only a bloke knows how to give another bloke a decent blow job. Had to hold his head still though, he kept trying to slip away, cheating bastard.

The saddest thing is I never got to the girl with the bum poking out of her costume, she was next and waited patiently, pert little bottom poking into the night air. Eventually she shuffled over and helped herself to the vibrator amid cheers and applause from all around as the Italian got timed out, unable to extract any response from Wendy and not keen to use her puke stained mouth.

I collected my winnings, put a blanket over Wendy and went home with the cute bottom, she had my tail wedged firmly between her legs, 'keeping it warm', she said.

Any way Mum, that's about all the news for this week. I enjoyed Halloween but I'm glad it's over. It's left me feeling quite knackered.