I really don't know what the difference is, but there seems to be one. It was one thing to catch my man in bed with someone, quite another for him to catch me.
Jon's reaction at catching me with Tom, my police officer friend was quite amazing. He simply hit the roof!
But something didn't ring true.
Now when I caught him with that little Carlita bimbo, I was calm as a could be. It helps being trained in the medical field, one learns to keep emotions in check.
Bedside manner, we call that. It kept me from taking a scalpel to his nuts, to be honest. LoL.
Jon stormed off in a huff, Tom stuck around for several hours. We talked a lot, he is easy to talk to. I found out he had a wife that he wasn't sure he would want to find out about our moment.
I should have known, it simply didn't factor in. I did think that perhaps I should be more careful, two married men in 4 weeks was high even on my list.
But I did think the relationship with Jon was likely done, the truth is it was seriously changed when I caught him in my bed with someone else.
I knew I needed to take a long look at my life, where it was headed.
With my husband of two decades gone, and the pain beginning to fade, I knew I needed something, some foundation.
I was absent-mindedly fiddling with the mail on my desk when one caught my eye.
A medical team was asking for volunteers, I got them all the time. I knew of the program and had considered it before, my life with Ted held me at home.
There was now nothing to hold me at home. I also suspected my job running a tiny medical clinic at the Hotel was now in jeopardy. Even if I continued at that, I could see where it might be uncomfortable.
I read the application, filled it out and signed it. A binding contract if accepted. I knew I would be accepted, my PHD in medicine likely assured that.
I walked out to the mailbox, envelope in hand. I hesitated, then dropped the envelope in the box. It was done.
I was off to a foreign land, a new adventure, a new life.
It was nearly 2 weeks before my phone rang, I picked up, it was them. I was accepted, gladly they said.
Airline tickets would be sent, and I was on my way for a week of orientation on the 24th. Two weeks, things were moving fast. Today is the 23rd, I am rushing to get this finished, so forgive me for any typos or errors.
Afganistan. I realize I have no idea at all what my life will be like there. I also realized I didn't ask very many questions, impulse.
It seems that much of my life has been on impulse.
I searched on the internet as best I could, trying to learn about Afganistan. From TV and articles, I had a vision in my mind of a harsh and desolate land. I quickly began to realize that this was far from the truth. Cities, a society, stores, highways, just another place in the world. Some areas of life looks to be harsh, I am still unsure of what I will find.
I am going, I want to. For the first time in many months I feel happy and satisfied with what is to come.
Jon and I had a long talk, the thrust of it was we are still close, and he still loves me in his way as I do him. I thought so, but it was good to have him speak frankly. He also knew about Nathan, The limo driver I had a tryst with that night Jon didn't come to me after the party. I am not sure how he knew but in his business eyes are everywhere.
As I had suspected, he seemed to be excited at the idea, I have seen this before in men. I still found it odd they way he reacted when he had caught me, though.
So I described it in detail, holding nothing back. It hit me that the problem wasn't in the doing, it was in the sharing. I understood that, my feelings at catching him were the same. Jon and I ended up with a wonderful session of lovemaking.
It was almost like he was trying to prove he was better. (He was, the fact is Nathan was far too large to for me be comfortable with that time.) I told Jon that I didn't even orgasm with Nathan, I think his large size was just uncomfortable enough that I could not. Nathan seemed to understand that, making up for it nicely with his talented tongue.
Jon even had me tell him about Tom. Tom saved me several weeks ago, I have no idea what the outcome of those men attacking me would have been.
Add in that Tom is a big, strong, good looking man, handsome in his police officer uniform, well, I simply enjoyed every moment. The most fun was teaching him about oral, here was a big handsome man who simply had never done that.
Complete joy is the word, as he struggled to learn my body and tried to make me react. Yes, Jon and I talked, it was intimate in a way that only people who are close can speak to each other.
It hit me that we talked the way Ted and I used to before he died. A feeling of peace came over me, I could almost feel him smiling at me.
"Lee?" Jon's voice brought me back. I realized I was lost for awhile in another place.
"Just thinking." I snuggled up close to Jon, our nude bodies nestling together. The fine time of pleasure, just holding and being with someone.
Jon asked me if I was going to be with either of them again. I simply had no idea, I told him so.
"It might be fun." He struggled to get that out, almost blushing. I understood, I know about men and the liking to share, the excitement of it.
I reached down and let my fingers brush up from his scrotum to the tip of his penis, slowly, lingering, teasing.
"You would like that, huh?" I laughed.
"Yes." he managed with a groan, rolling me over and entering me again, hard as steel. I adjusted until I was comfortable as he thrust at me in a sudden need, then allowed the sensation to flood over me.
Peace. I knew where I stood, what I wanted. Control. Control over my life, and those around me. My thoughts were on this man, on top of me, in me. A good man, with desires he tried to hold back.
Afterwards, Jon told me, "I don't want you to go."
"I will be back in 3 months for a rest and visit, Jon."
He just held me, I noticed a trace of a tear in his eye. We woke the next morning, still holding each other. A sweet time.
Jon dressed and left for the Casino, I puttered around the house taking care of some items that needed to be done before my trip. That afternoon, the phone rang, it was Tom.
He asked me how I was doing, the usual small talk. Then he surprised me by saying he had told his wife, Debra. I hesitated at that. "How did that go?"
"She seemed a little upset at first, then she seemed a little interested."
"Interested?"
"Yes, she wanted to know everything, what you looked like, everything."
