"I like mine with lettuce and tomato," I sang to myself as the hamburger sizzled in the frying pan in front of me. "Heinz fifty-seven an' French fried potatoes." I leaned over to check the French fries in the oven. "Big kosher pickle and a cold draught beer, well, good god almighty, which way do I steer for my-"
Before I could break into the chorus, the phone rang. Buster started barking, letting me know that the phone was ringing, in case I hadn't heard it. He was a very helpful dachshund. Knowing that there was nobody else in the apartment to answer it, I put down the spatula I had been singing into, turned the heat on the stove down, and picked up the nearest landline.
"Dani's and Derek's, Derek speaking," I said into the receiver. I wiped my fingers, a bit slick with grease from the hamburger, off on the apron I was wearing.
"Hi, Derek, it's Nellie," said the voice on the other end. "Am I calling at a bad time?"
"Oh, Nellie, hey," I said, smiling. "Nah, it's never a bad time to get a call from you. What's up?"
"Nothing much," my fiancée's cousin said. "Is Dani around? I tried calling her, but there was no answer."
"Her cell's on the fritz again," I said. This wasn't a rare occurrence. My fiancée
still
had a flip phone. At this point, it was old enough that if it was a human being, it could hold a conversation.
Hundreds of miles away, Nellie made a sound of disgust. "You need to force her to get a new one," she said. "Is she around?"
"She's working late," I said. "Want me to tell her you called?"
"Nah, I'll just tell you," said the curvaceous nineteen-year-old on the other side of the line.
In the past few months, the relationship between my fiancée, her cousin, and myself had taken a turn for the carnal. Back in August, a nervous, virgin Nellie had borrowed me from Danielle to give her some much-needed sexual experience before she headed off to college. A few months later, on Christmas Eve, she came to us again, now with more self-esteem, some experience of her own, and a desire to thank us very intimately for our kindness. That was how we had our first threesome. Our second one happened two weeks later, before Nellie had to head back to college. It was just as great as the first, and made even better by the fact that Danielle and I were newly engaged. It was so wrong, but so,
so
hot.
Now, it was April. A small golden ring sat on Danielle's third finger, and the ceremony was planned for late June. The venue was already picked out, and invitations had been sent, but the real meat of the planning wouldn't be for a while. "So, you know I'll be back in town during Spring Break for a day or two before going to the beach house with Mom and Dad, right?" Nellie asked.
"I had heard something to that effect," I said. Danielle's family frequently rented a beach house a few hours drive away. Great place, and they got it cheap because they were friends with the owner. "You're welcome to come over for 'dinner', if you've got the time."
Nellie giggled, deep and throaty, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention. "I was hoping you'd invite me over," she said. I imagined she was twirling a finger through her long black hair as she said it. "And it's closely related to what I wanted to talk about. Can I ask you a favor?"
"Anything," I said instantly. "I love doing favors for you."
She told me what she wanted.
I dropped the phone.
"Hello? Derek? What was that?" I heard her say as I picked the phone back up.
"Sorry, my fingers are a bit slippery," I said, trying and failing to keep my excitement out of my voice. "Anyway, I'm sure I could help you out."
"I thought you would," Nellie said, voice husky. "You're pretty easy to predict."
"I can't argue about that," I said, a happy grin threatening to split my face in half. "I'll tell Dani when she gets back, but I doubt she'll say no."
"Glad to hear it," Nellie said.
"You're going to have to send us a picture, though," I added.
"I'll text one to you," Nellie said. "Thank you so much for this. It really means a lot."
"I am nothing if not selfless and lecherous," I said, feeling practically giddy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Danielle got home an hour later, Buster wasn't the only dog who tore his way down the hall to greet her. He got there first, yapping and circling her like a furry noodle. Danielle scratched his ears happily, picking up the diminutive canine to give him a kiss on the nose. "How'sh my widdwe Bushter?" she cooed. The dog started licking her face.
"Hello, I'm also here," I said, approaching her much more calmly than Buster. I mean, I wanted to do the same thing he was doing, but I didn't.
"Hi, sweetie," she said, giving me a kiss as well. She smelled like dog already. "Nothing burned down while I was gone?"
"My day was fine, thanks," I said, answering the question I was sure she had meant
to ask. "And you'll never guess who I got a call from earlier."
"Has your great-aunt Janice finally figured out if she's coming to the wedding or not?" Danielle asked.
"I wish. It was Nellie," I said, the urgency of the news driving me to skip straight past any guessing games. "She wants a favor."
I told her the gist of my conversation with Nellie, watching as Danielle's eyes widened at each key point. When I was done, they were as wide as the full moon.
"Her
roommate?
" Danielle repeated, almost in awe. I grinned and nodded.
"That's what she said," I confirmed. "She's going to the beach house with Nellie's family for spring break, and Nellie wants to give her the same treatment I gave Nellie back in August. Girl's a real wallflower, apparently."
"We really have created a monster," Dani said, handing Buster off to me so she could take her heels off. "This must be what Frankenstein felt like."
"Don't you mean the guy who
made
