No Such Thing as an Ex-Slut

Greetings beloved readers, this is the last of a five part series. I will post each chapter about a week apart. Many thanks to fellow authors and occasional collaborators Friskee_cpl who gave me notes on the story and whose stories served as a vital inspiration for this tale.

All characters are at least 18 years old

*

In their remaining years together -- a little more than forty five, as it would turn out - Roy and Tuli would eventually compile a vast vocabulary of inside jokes and favored phrases constituting a kind of private slang. Among this repertoire, their favorite would always remain the one that prompted vivid memories of the watershed event in the sexual history of their marriage; it was a single word: "

caper

".

Caper: initially denoting a wild sexual adventure, it would evolve over the decades to eventually mean any sexual act. So ingrained would the slang become that their as yet undreamt-of children would pick it up too, using it ironically at first, but eventually as a handy code word when they sired impressionable children of their own. And so it would go for generations of Gilberts, all unknowingly referencing an off-hand comment that Roy made as noon rolled past on that fevered day and he looked down into the back seat of the car at the two, arguably stolen, shopping bags full of dildos, strap-ons, ball-gags and other assorted sex toys.

"That was a hell of a caper that you girls just pulled," he said, shaking his head in lingering shocked disbelief.

Tuli was sitting in the passenger's seat of the car with the door open and her legs stretched out. She was still wearing the thigh high leather boots she'd appropriated from the porno store along with the bags of sexual paraphernalia. She paused at dabbing her hair-line with a damp paper towel and smiled up at Roy. "A

caper,

huh? I like that."

They were sitting in an obscure park that had little to offer other than a picnic table, an alarmingly filthy latrine, a functional drinking fountain and a boat ramp leading into the salt marshes behind Blaire Island. Tuli, Wanda and Molly were using coarse paper towels from the latrine to clean the spunk off their skin. Molly, who was the filthiest, was being helped by Wanda as she tried to rinse her hair under the spigot attached to the side of the drinking fountain.

"Ow!" complained Molly. "That's cold... Watch your nails."

"Quit fucking fidgeting then. Don't they teach you anything at that college of yours?"

"They don't have any classes on how to wash cum out of our hair if that's what you mean!"

Roy had found the park by accident as they cruised back street to avoid the cops and stopped so the girls could wash off at the tap. He wished he had found a place that didn't smell of festering shit and rotting bait, but at least it was private. He was glad for that, especially when Molly and Wanda took their shirts off and started splashing each other with cold tap water in the hot sun.

Roy looked at Tuli, expecting her to tell the girls to settle down, but he could tell from her face that her mind was far, far away. It wasn't a dreamy look, it was pensive, brooding.

"Everything OK?" he asked.

"What?" she asked, pulling herself back from the deepest corners of her mind.

"You seem... upset."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Is something wrong?"

"No. Don't worry about it. It's stupid."

"Oh come on babe, I think I've earned a little honesty. I'm dealing with our experiment pretty well, aren't I? I think I'm even starting to like it."

"Oh really?" she asked.

"What? You think I'm not?"

"Well, you seem eager enough to share me with other girls, but..."

"I just let a dozen guys jack off on you!"

"Well," she paused to consider her words. "I had a great time, but I was kind of hoping you'd have those guys... I was hoping you'd take charge and have them - you know - do

more

."

"WHAT!?"

"See. It's stupid."

"You said 'no touching'. It was like rule number two or something!"

"That's the thing. I was hoping you'd... See, it's stupid and embarrassing, but I have this fantasy..."

"

Oh

?"

"No. Actually, let's drop it. I'm not comfortable discussing this."

"I've done a shitload of stuff I wasn't comfortable with in the last couple of days. Don't pull that crap on me."

Tuli didn't answer right away. Roy looked back and Wanda and Molly who were now sitting topless in the sun on the picnic table. Wanda was re-braiding Molly's wet hair and they were singing "Tik-Tok" together. Finally Tuli spoke up.

"You're right Bubbs. You're right. I owe you some honesty. Can I explain with a story? It's from my Wild Days and it's pretty goddamned slutty."

"Oh?"

"I know I've kept you in the dark about that part of my life... It's just that I've found out that guys

say

they want to hear about the dirty stuff I've done but they don't, not really. They get panicky and self-conscious and start acting like total pricks. Before long they're treating me like shit..." A tear escaped her eye and hung on her cheek.

"I would never..."

"I

know

Bubbs. I know. That's why I'm telling you this. I think you've earned it. Shit, after the last couple of days I feel pretty confident I married the coolest guy ever," she smiled at him as he squatted in the gravel next to her. She reached out and placed her finger on his lips. "So just shut up and let me talk... or I'm not going to be able to get through this."

Roy nodded silently. His stomach began to grow queasy.

"OK. This was at the end of my junior year of college. Classes were over and I was just hitting the parties and hooking up a lot."

Roy nodded silently.

"I met this one guy, his name was Fred or Frank or something, I don't remember. He went to Princeton, typical Ivy League prick trolling for tail at the state university. But I wasn't too picky back then and he was a pretty decent looking guy so I let him chat me up.

"He was pretty full of himself and seemed to think that if he kept casually mentioning all the cool crap his parents had bought him I'd eventually just throw my legs open and beg him to fuck me. I was playing along, but when he mentioned he had his own yacht I accused him of being full of shit. Before I knew it he was driving me down to a marina in Atlantic Highlands to show me. Sure enough, he had a sloop down there. It wasn't huge, but it was definitely cool: very swank."

Roy wanted to ask if she'd screwed the Princeton asshole on his boat, but he knew the answer. Tuli had an odd fascination with boats, ships and sea-craft. Of course she screwed him. He kept his mouth shut.

"So, the next morning this guy asks me if I want to go along when he sails up to Martha's Vineyard. He really was a complete prick but... how could I say no? He takes me back to my apartment at school so I can pack some stuff and he picks me up that evening but when we get back to the boat one of his buddies is waiting for us! The buddy's name was Dan or Don or something and I could tell by the look in his eye that he was expecting some action from me too. Now, ordinarily I didn't give it up if it seemed like some guy I hadn't slept with before was expecting it way too obviously, but I really wanted to sail up the coast so I went along with it. Besides, I was totally into a three-ways with two guys, even if they were both assholes...

"You doing OK with this Bubbs?"

Roy nodded his head even though the news that his wife had once whored herself out to two guys in exchange for a boat ride made him feel distinctly ill.

"Well, good... because here's the nasty part. The next night we anchored at some marina in the Hamptons. We were out in the bay and this launch full of identical trust-fund assholes comes up along side. Fred or Frank or whatever his name was introduces me and they're all leering at me like... well, I could tell what they were expecting to happen. They start making these comments like, wouldn't I be more comfortable without my bikini and would I like to move down to the cabin? I was feeling like I was in

waaaay

over my head. Plus none of those fuckers even asked me if I wanted to be gangbanged, they were just assuming the Turkish slut with the big tits would be willing to fuck them all."

She paused. Roy was finding it hard to breathe.

"So, we go down to the cabin and I'm freaking out. I tell them I need to get some fresh air before I make my entrance and suggest they should be naked when I come back. So I go up to the deck, slip quietly over the side and swim to shore. Never saw any of those assholes again and, after that, my Wild Phase just kind of petered out... well, after I got home anyway. I had to do a few 'favors' in the course of hitchhiking back home."

"So you escaped?" confirmed Roy as he exhaled with relief.

"Yeah, I escaped. But, the funny thing is that I still think about it all the time. What if I'd stayed? What would it be like fucking a bunch of guys at once? I fantasize about it all the time. I was hoping it was about to happen under the boardwalk last night before those cops showed up. I was kind of hoping you'd let it happen at the porno store.

"But you... you said no touching," repeated Roy.

"That's the sick part, Roy. I want it to be a little coercive. I want you to make me do something that I'm too chickenshit to try on my own."

"Um... holy shit Tuli. I... I didn't know."

"How

could

you know, Bubbs? It's not fair for me to expect a decent guy like you to guess the depths of my... depravity. But you asked..."

Just then the sound of truck tires on gravel came drifting to them through the cluster of pines that forced a bend in the road leading to the park. Tuli shouted "Someone's coming! Get your shirts on girls!"

Molly and Wanda pulled their tops on before the truck pulling a trailer with a flat-bottomed johnboat pulled into the parking lot. With confused faces, the two old men inspected the odd crowd of provocatively dressed women as they began to maneuver the trailer into the water.

"I'm hungry," said Wanda as she skipped up.

"I can't go back to the resort with this on!" complained Molly looking down at the shirt Roy had grabbed for her in their rush out of the porno shop. It read "I Luv..." with a detailed drawing of wide open vulva. "If my dad saw me in something like this they'd shit a brick."

Roy recalled Molly's father wandering in from the back of the store, peeking over the shoulders of the horny crowd, seeing his daughter sprawled on the floor and running off in shocked horror. Molly had no idea of course. Roy fought back the urge to vomit.

"We'll find someplace in town that sells tee-shirts and get something less alarming for Molly. Then we'll get some food, our treat," announced Tuli. "You OK with that Mr. Gilbert?"

But Roy didn't respond. Looking at the old men backing their boat into the marsh he felt a sudden wave of envy wash over him. An afternoon of tending crab traps and sipping tepid beer sounded mighty good right then. But when he looked into their crinkled, weathered faces he saw the envy returned: old men remembering a time when hot young, pussy was a possibility and a goal, not just a long expired fantasy.

"OK," said Roy as he got into the car and started the engine. "Let's go girls. We've got time for another caper."

Tuli laughed. "

Caper

," she repeated. "I like that a lot."

***

Half and hour later, from his spot at the rail of the amusement pier, Roy could look down the length of the crowded beach as it stretched away to the south. The crowds were at their early-afternoon peak: mostly vacationers and day trippers from Philadelphia and New York looking for some easy sun, sand and sea. They clustered in loose knots around coolers and umbrellas, all showing more skin than not, frequently to their disadvantage.

A laugh from one of the young mothers sitting in the shade of the nearby corndog stand brought Roy's attention back to the pier. There were two of them: puffy, pasty and poorly maintained. Exchanging a narrow-eyed glare over the top their oversized sunglasses, they were bonding over a little shared contempt, glaring hatefully at something approaching up the pier from the direction of the boardwalk.

"Oh. My. God. Look at that

whore

." said one in disbelief.

"I

know

!" said the other. "Total whore. You'd think they'd keep that sort of thing away from where

families

with

children

are trying to enjoy themselves."

Without turning away from the rail Roy correctly guessed they were discussing Tuli. Her tight, low-cut sundress and the high leather boots she was still wearing looked more than a little trashy. He Turned and smiled broadly. Damn she looked hot. She wore trashy very, very well.

"Hey wifey!" he called to her, loud enough to let the two mothers know to keep their fat mouths shut.

"Don't distract me!" she said without looking up as she gingerly stepped towards him. "These stupid heels keep wanting to slip right between the eff-ing planks."

"Then take them off."

"I'd get splinters. I hate splinters."

"Well, the boots look awesome at least."

"Why don't men ever get turned on by anything easy or comfortable?"

"I like it when you're nude. That's both."

"You're so sweet... and so unhelpful." She gave him a peck on the cheek as she finally reached his spot at the rail.

"You could buy some cheap flip-flops or something," he suggested.

She shrugged. "We both know I'll probably never wear these outside again. I figured I should show them off while I can. I just wish they weren't so fricken hot."

"Where are the girls?"

"Molly found a new shirt but now Wanda insists on wearing the 'I Luv Pussy' one," said Tuli as she rolled her eyes. "They wanted to play skee-ball and, since I needed a break from those two, I gave them a twenty and told them to meet us here."

"It's weird, I thought Wanda was going to kill Molly this morning but now they're like sisters."

"Yeah, wanting to kill each other one minute and best friends the next... that sounds like sisters all right." She sat on the bench next to where he stood, crossing her legs tightly and pulling her hem as far down her thighs as she could. "I wish I hadn't lost my undies. If I topple over or sit wrong I'm going to give everyone quite a show."

"Yeah, we wouldn't want

that

," he said.

"There are kids around. I have my limits," she said sounding vaguely annoyed.

The two young mothers moved away with a nasty backwards glance and a shared whisper. Tuli sighed. "Were they calling me a slut as I walked up?"

"I don't know, I couldn't hear over the rollercoaster," lied Roy, motioning towards a car full of screaming kids as it banked around the near turn on the other side of the corndog kiosk.

"Trust me, that's what they were saying. I could see it in their faces. They hate my slutty guts."

"Don't worry what those doughy bitches think, babe,

I

love you."

"Oh I can handle their contempt... Comes with the territory; it's just like old times in fact."

"Back when you used to be a slut?"

"I think we can drop the 'used to be', Bubbs," She sighed.

"Are you still feeling down about the... um..."

"My gangbang fantasy?"

"Yeah. That."

"I'll be fine Roy. Some fantasies are just too weird or dangerous or impossible to be anything more than daydreams. We might have got pretty close, but even

I

can tell it's a bad idea. I just need to stop thinking with my... Oh no. Now what?"

Roy looked up to see Molly hurrying towards them. She looked worried.

"I forgot my phone at your place and my family has been looking for me."

"Oh shit. I'm sorry Molly."

"Mom is usually pretty cool. I mean, she knows I'm sexually active and she's the one who took me to get birth control. But she's gonna totally freak out about what I've been up to today."

"How could she even know?" asked Tuli. Roy cringed inwardly.

"Because Mom sent my brother to search the boardwalk and he found me and Wanda. That bitch told him we were lesbian lovers!"

"Where

are

Wanda and your brother?" asked Roy.

Molly spun around and didn't see them following. "Shit! We gotta find them. She'll eat Tommy alive."

Tuli sighed. "OK, let's go back to the arcade and rescue your brother from Wanda."

Again Tuli began gingerly picking her way across the treacherous planks while Molly buzzed impatiently around her like a tall, red-headed puppy. By the time they were half way there Wanda and Tommy appeared from the noisy gloom of the arcade. Wanda was smiling wickedly from ear to ear. Tommy looked embarrassed, confused, pleased and flushed. Roy knew instantly what had happened.

"I popped your brother's cherry in the toilet!" announced Wanda. "Twenty seconds of pure paradise. Right kiddo?" she laughed as she punched him in the arm.

Tommy looked away embarrassed and his pink face went beet red.

"Congratulations young man," said Tuli as if handing out a good grade on a test to a student.

"Come on Tommy, lets get out of here," said Molly. She nearly shoved Tommy off his feet as she pushed him towards the general direction of the town.

"Um, Yeah... OK..." said Tommy awkwardly.

"You guys can compare notes on the way back... since I've fucked you both," taunted Wanda.

Molly didn't respond, she only glared at Wanda briefly as she and her brother walked away. Her brother handed her his phone and she turned away to make the necessary call to her anxious mother.

"That was fun," said Wanda. The 'I Luv Pussy' tee-shirt hung on her like a demented mini-dress and prompted quite a few double-takes as people walked past.

"Come on. Let's find someplace to eat," said Roy. "I have a feeling I should probably find some place that sells oysters."

"Oysters? Why?" asked Wanda.

"I'll explain on the way," said Tuli.

***

It was nearly four in the afternoon as they finally walked up to Roy and Tuli's cabin. Roy and Wanda each clutched a shopping bag full of sex-toys to their chest as Tuli walked unsteadily up the pea-gravel path in her stiletto heeled boots.

"I'm starting to really hate these fucking boots," she said for the fourth or fifth time.

"Ah, the Gilberts have returned," said a low voice with a vaguely British accent.

Roy looked up from watching Tuli's careful footsteps through the gravel to find Mike from Kenya standing up from where he had been sitting on their front stoop. His white smile spilt his impossibly dark face as his eyes drank in Tuli with unconcealed lust. Roy noticed a bump visible through Mike's close-cropped hair where he'd banged his head against underside of boardwalk last night.

"Mike?" said Tuli. "What are you doing here?"

"You mentioned you were staying at this particular resort and you told me your names. You weren't very difficult to find. I thought I'd drop by to apologize for abandoning you last night."

"Yeah, you did scamper off kind of hastily when those cops showed up."

"Yes," he smile abashedly. "It was not my finest hour."

"Who's this?" asked Wanda, stepping out from behind Roy, her head tilted like a curious kitten.

"Wanda this is our friend Mike. Mike, Wanda."

Wanda stepped forward to look Mike up and down. Her eyes were wide and lively. "Hey, I remember you. You were dancing with Tuli at the club last night. Oooo, you guys got nasty after we left, right?"

"More or less," said Roy.

Wanda stepped up close to Mike but he shied away. This amused her so she reached towards him with the left hand. Mikes face twisted up in fear at the sight of her heavily tattooed arm coming towards him and twisted away again.

"What's with him?" she said.

"I'm sorry... But your friend, she isn't a... a witch, is she?"

"What if I am?" said Wanda, stepping forward again. Mischief made her eyes sparkle.