Of all the creatures of the realm, vampires have it the worst.
Yeah yeah yeah, Gnomes are short, waah waah waah. Dwarven men have small dicks, and dwarven women need to shave every day. Boo hoo. Orc girls can never get dates and human girls steal all the good orc men. Whoop de doo. Elves have the least cool parents, oh no. Humans live about as long as a gnat's fart. Cry me a river.
See, the thing about all those downsides, is that they're only downsides if you let them be downsides. Being short is only a hit on your self esteem if you let it be a hit on your self esteem. And think of all the money you save on... everything? Economies of scale are all in favor of gnomes... probably why they're always so well off.
What, you've got a small ding dong Beardy? Its how you use it honey, and believe it or not my dwarven ladies out there, some men like something to grab onto during the ride. You just gots to be confident.
That goes out to you too, Orc ladies out there. I've never seen an orc girl without a gloriously built body, yet they stumble on the approach when they get all self conscious about the tusks.
Don't get me started about family- at least you elves HAVE family. I don't care what your mother says Arelwen, you got to learn to stick up for yourself and tell your family that you're your own elf and that you are going to marry that ravishing orc lass, traditions be damned.
And as for lifespan, honestly, 60+ years is enough time on this dreary realm. If you humans plan your lives out right you never have to see anything twice. Its your own damn fault if you die alone in some village because you were too scared to see the world.
But being a vampire? How do you be proactive and look on the bright side when doing so will literally kill you? How do you put a positive spin on being hunted down by religious zealots wherever you go, watching your family disown you? Going through unlife with no one ever speaking to you, much less bothering to get to know you or appreciate your love of Heroic Era Lute composition or Valerian Marriage Poetry?
Oh sure, you might think that there are perks that make up for all that hatred and loneliness and skulking about at night perpetually being on the run- eternal youth, great strength and speed, enhanced magical affinity and unique magical abilities, perfect muscle tone... But like gambling at the great counting Dwarven counting houses of Arkamght, the odds are stacked against you from the start.
See, the power comes from blood. Not just any blood, but blood from sentient, thinking life. So you have to feed on civilization. As you might imagine, civilization isn't so happy about that. So you're not going to be welcome in any inns anytime soon.
What? What's that you say? That we vampires are murderers by choice, that we choose to kill when all we need is a little sip? Well you're right. Vampires actually don't need to drink that much blood to survive. A half pint, generally about enough to make a farmhand woozy, will settle your average stalker of the night for a couple days at least. But here's where the odds are stacked-
Its really hard to stop at just a half pint. Using any of your powers, even just lifting a particularly heavy object, severely runs out the clock to your next feeding time. And due to the whole being on the run all the time thing, you often don't feed for longer than you've planned. And when you're really hungry, the blood of you guys, its really really tasty. Its hard to stop.
It gets worse. As you might imagine there's a hard stopping point where if a vampire doesn't immediately cease feeding, the victim isn't going to survive the encounter. And the closer we get to that point, the tastier and more potent your blood is. We're no longer just drinking your vital fluid- we're consuming your life force. All the most powerful vampires of ages past sucked their victims dry. Its how they got so powerful, and why you guys don't generally sing ballads about their worthy deeds.
Take it from me. My name is Tallia, and I've been a vampire for the last 10 years. Its awful and I hate all of you. Its why I'm in this whole mess to begin with. I still remember the day of my siring...
People will tell you that female vampires are the brides of Alak-Kral, the defiler, the aspect of all corruption and evil. That we're practically succubi, creatures of the lustful night, and we are born by letting our bodies literally be raped by demons.
Hardly. I grew up as a human farm girl in a one parent household, living with my mother on the outskirts of Styrwood. My father had died before I was born in the War of Intercession, and as a result I was bored, stupid, and probably had daddy issues. Amidst the boredom and drudgery of farm life and the constant nagging of my mother, I dreamed of romance and escape. And one day, it came. Sorta.
A "traveling merchant" by the name of Casavir stopped by our home one rainy night, asking if he could take shelter with us. Mother was deeply suspicious until he turned out his pockets and offered her a shining gold brooch as payment. In hindsight, he probably readily gave the thing up because, being a vampire, he didn't really have much use for money, long term. But once that brooch was on my mother's dress, she remembered the days when she was with my father, when he called her pretty and blah blah blah. You know I said I was dumb- that dumb had to come from somewhere.
So he stayed with us and we set out a table for him. In hindsight I probably should have noticed that despite his thin frame and the coldness of the night, he ate nothing. But my mom didn't care, as she went on and on about Styrwood and asked about where he was from and he just nodded politely and nursed his wine. For my part I just stared lovingly into his eyes the whole night. After mom had went off to bed, I followed him to his chambers.
I didn't exactly have much of a plan. I came to his room, and dropped my rough homespun dress right there, in front of him. Daring him to take me. And yet, he just stared, and gave me a small smile.
"You don't like being here, do you?"
"Fuck no. Its boring as hell! My mom's super lame and I have to do chores all the time."
"Would you like an escape? I can give you a way out?"
"How?"
"Closer..."