The first time that I saw Mr Panda he seemed huge to me. My dad bought him for me at the state fair when I was in the second grade and he was probably a foot taller than I was at the time. I named him Mr Panda because he was a huge plush toy panda bear and Mr Panda just seemed to be a fitting name for him. Unlike my dad who moved away not too long after getting Mr Panda for me, Mr Panda was a constant companion while I was growing up.
I would often pretend that we were having picnics together or cuddle with him on days that I was feeling sad or when the weather was storming outside. As I grew older I think maybe I might have been a little neglectful of Mr Panda, often leaving him alone while I went out with friends, but Mr Panda was always watchful over me while I slept, and even though he was only just a toy panda bear, I always felt safe with him watching over me. He was not just my protector, but he was a companion when I was lonely.
I was thrilled when my mom dropped by my apartment carrying with her Mr Panda. He was no longer taller than me, I am roughly a foot taller than him now, but he was still a bit awkward for my mom to carry. I had been living in my new apartment for a few weeks and it was definitely an adjustment having a place that was all my own after living with my family my entire life. It was a relief not to have to clean up after other people or worry about coming home late or doing anything that I wanted to do without worrying about someone interfering. As great as it was to be on my own, I had a sense of loneliness too. I was overjoyed to be reunited with Mr Panda.
I talked to my mom for about an hour before she left. My apartment is only a studio, but its in midtown which I really like. Its not much but its enough for my needs and its close to everything that I like being close to. After a bit of effort I finally have it comfortably furnished. For a studio its actually very roomy. I had no problem fitting a queen sized bed, small couch, a small computer desk, and a recliner. Everything fits together perfectly. I don't have a dining room table or anything but that seems alright since the kitchen has a breakfast bar and I got some stools to sit at in case I had anyone over for dinner.
The recliner seemed like to perfect place for Mr Panda to sit. From there he could watch over me as I slept. It was nice to be with him again. He took the edge off of the loneliness that I felt after moving out on my own. I felt bad for not taking him with me when I first moved out. I know that it seems kind of silly but a part of felt like I abandoned him.
After putting him in the recliner I apologized to him for leaving him with my family. I assured him that nothing like that would ever happen again. He sat there silently looking up at me. He didn't say a word, he couldn't say a word, but he didn't have to. I could feel his doubt in me. I had let him down and he had no reason to believe that I wouldn't abandon him again. I didn't know how I could possibly make things up to him. I know that it seems silly. He is a toy panda bear, but he has always been much more than that to me. He has been a friend which is a big thing for someone as socially awkward as I am, and he is a good memory of my dad. My dad moved away when I was young and I really never got to spend much time with him. The day that my dad got me Mr Panda was one of the few happy memories I have of my dad.
I suppose thinking of my dad made me think beyond picnics and tea parties with Mr Panda. He has just arrived at my apartment. Its bad enough that I had left him behind when I moved, but I didn't want him to feel unappreciated in his new home. I imagined that Mr Panda had probably grown past children's tea parties and picnics. The last thing I wanted to do was treat Mr Panda as though he was child's plaything.
