My encounter with A'nef left me with a deep feeling of how right it was that I was going to the woods and having the kinds of strange, scary, overwhelming experiences I was having there.
A'nef had not been human and in some ways he had been brutal with me, but he had also been tender and affectionate and had made it clear what I was submitting to. And he had brought such intense pleasure to my body and spirit that I craved something like the same experience again.
Which is why the next time I went to the woods, I felt like I was almost dizzy with arousal the whole way there. It was another overcast, muggy day and the heat and gloom of the forest felt incredibly sensual. I was dressed in a t-shirt and the shortest pair of shorts I owned -- they were actually a pair I had used in school for gym class when I was about fourteen, and although I am not large and hadn't grown all that much in the meantime, on my eighteen-year-old hips they were tight and left little to the imagination, even when (as now) I was wearing briefs under them. The tightness of my shorts made me feel deliciously wanton and as I walked through the woods, I half-hoped that I might attract some attention from actual people...perhaps some girl might see me and invite me over...
But as usual, the woods were empty of people and I was faintly disappointed as I found the spot where I always left the track. I walked on into the woods, leaving civilisation and people behind, and as before, although I couldn't put my finger on exactly why, I had the strangest sensation that I was never in the same woods twice. The first time, the ground had been overgrown and covered in vines and creepers; the second time, it had been sloping and riven with steep hills and ravines, with a river; this time, it was more like a park with a forest. The trees were well-behaved and stood discreet distances apart from each other, and the ground was flat and covered not with vines or stones but grass.
I walked on, enjoying the sensation of my body moving inside my clothes, looking around at the trees, wondering where, this time, the temptation and the pleasure would come from. Would it be plant? Animal? Would I find it frightening, or would it be something that, this time, I would welcome like a lover? I was determined to keep my self-possession and welcome whatever happened, but also to remain in control.
This time, I felt aroused before I started. This time, I wanted to be the one in command; I did not want to submit once more, to always be the one being possessed. I felt that there was something shameful in the way that first the plants and then A'nef had treated me like something to be dominated; surely I needed to learn what it was like to be the dominant one.
And as time went by, and nothing happened but I went further and further into the seemingly endless rows of trees, walking across the neat grass, it seemed less and less likely that anything was going to come and get me. Was I supposed to go and find something to take for myself? Was I to be the sexual predator this time? The idea excited me, but I couldn't see anything to prey on.
After a while I stopped, in one of the endless series of glades that punctuated my walk, and I looked around. There were no other creatures anywhere and nothing for anywhere to come from. There were just trees, as far as the eye could see, and the grass.
I walked up to one of the trees and inspected it. It looked just like a regular pine tree; the bark was rough and ridged and there was nothing unusual about it.
I looked up the tree, to see if anything was concealed in its foliage, but the branches didn't start until about fifteen feet off the ground and I could see nothing up there.
I felt a sense of disappointment. Perhaps this was the true forest, and the others had been dreams, or places on the other side of a gate or gates that no longer existed. Perhaps the true forest was just that -- a lot of trees, somewhere where nothing special happened.
I turned away from the tree, feeling glum -- and then I caught sight of something out of the corner of my eye, disappearing behind the stout trunk of the tree.
I whipped around. There was nothing. I began to circle the tree slowly, feeling the excitement of another encounter, and I heard a faint, muffled giggle. The voice sounded oddly familiar. I quickly ran around the tree and thought I saw something disappearing off between two trees on the other side of the glade.
I ran over there but there was nothing. I heard a twig snap, about twenty feet away, and ran again, just in time to see what looked like a human form disappearing behind another tree. I quickly ran over and, as I got to the tree, doubled back, giving me just enough time to see a hand touching the bark, belonging to someone on the other side. I grabbed the hand by the wrist and there was a laugh, and a voice said 'You got me.'
I froze, the downy hairs on my arms standing on end, as the figure came out from behind the tree. Because the voice that had spoken was my own. And then I saw him. I say 'him'. It's hard for me to find the right words to use, because it was myself who stepped out from behind the tree.
He was me, but subtly different. I was wearing a blue t-shirt and white shorts, he was wearing a tan t-shirt and grey shorts. He had the faintest suggestion of a tan and he moved a little differently from me, more easily, more relaxed, walking from his hips, sauntering a little, whereas I tended to carry myself stiffly and move in an inhibited way. He was smiling at me. I was smiling at me -- the other me, that is. Not me. I was not smiling.
'Surprised?' he -- I -- said.
'Yes,' I said. The shock of encountering my double was making me tremble. There was something wrong, something uncanny about meeting yourself in the flesh, face to face. It's something that shouldn't happen in the universe.
'Why?' he said. 'This is the inevitable next step in your education, you know.'
'What are you?' I asked, dry-mouthed.
'I'm you, Sandy,' he said, looking at me as if I were stupid. 'I'm your nature. I'm what happens next.'
'Are you real?'
'As real as you are,' he said. 'Which maybe isn't saying much. You mean, am I some sort of metaphor?' He rolled his (my) eyes. 'Well, duh. Yes. Why? What did you think was going to happen?'
'I was wondering what would happen,' I said. He was standing in front of me, a little too close, smiling at me, and instinctively I backed away a little. 'I want this time for me to be in control.'
'You think you're ready for that?' said the other me, tilting his head on one side and looking at me with amused contempt. 'Goodness. What a big boy you are.'
'I'm ready,' I said.
'What is it that you think you're ready for?' said the other me, walking slowly towards me. His bare arms and legs and smiling face were like what I hoped I looked like -- I felt pale and weedy compared to him, but in every other respect we were identical, the same build, the same slightly narrow shoulders and hips.
'If you're me,' I said, feeling young and stupid, 'then you must know already.'
